Ghyll:Folktown Records

Dibbed. --Jcowan 00:01, 14 Oct 2004 (EDT)

But we need not doubt it; Tim Timperton was a high ranking member of the council before taking up post as an agony uncle in the Folktown Records. Why he would change career from a Quezlarian researcher to an agony uncle, one can only guess...

An "agony uncle" is a derogatory term applied to employees of the Folktown Records weekly newspaper, a long running and esteemed publication with over six hundred issues released. Since the core focus of the Folktown Records is to be a conduit between answers and the innocent questions children ask, a large number of employees are patient and wise men and women, trained to answer tough questions simply, but correctly.

I really must protest the use of the term Agony uncle to describe a fine upstanding lad like Tim Timperton. As my esteemed fellow researcher is obviously aware, an "Agony uncle" is a derogatory term applied to employees of the Folktown Records weekly newspaper. While I admit that Tim works at that fine establishment, he is a fine, upstanding lad. --Qwentyth Pyre comment

Not living close enough to the Folktown Records offices to have ever heard the term "agony uncle" used in a derogatory manner, I stand by my use of the phrase as it stands in the entry. The author of the "Agony uncle" entry should've noted that in more rural areas the phrase has lost its pejorative connotations, though he was probably as unaware of that as I was the inverse. --Sean B. Palmer 13:03, 3 Sep 2004 (EDT)

I think you'll find that it is more a matter of the phrase having not yet gained the pejorative connotations it gained in less backward areas. Prior to around -3 EC the Folktown Records actually used the term itself, but this was becoming more and more of a sore point with its staff since it had gained its derogatory nuance at least 5 years previously. --Talliesin 18:47, 15 Sep 2004 (EDT)

Windsor Creame, a 57-year old man in his twelfth year of service at the paper. One cool and calm day, the polar opposite of the heated fury to follow, Windsor was touring his nephew, Daniel Mboya, around the Folktown Records office. What follows next was hastily transcribed by a fellow employee:

Windsor: Oh look, this is the break room. We've got brownies!

The transcriber recalls Windsor pushing Daniel roughly into the break room, and slamming him into one of the empty wooden chairs.

On the other hand, the gardener, outside in the bright sun, reports Windsor waving cordially, and "enjoying a brownie with his favorite nephew." The transcriber disagrees, saying that Windsor "forcefully [shoved] food into the boy's mouth." The editor, returning from a meeting down the hall, saw only Windsor, with his hand cupped over Daniel's mouth, leaving "in a huff."

ven without irrefutable proof, Windsor Creame, newly dubbed the "agony uncle" and pushed "over the edge by the ceaseless accusations of answer ineptitude", was the obvious choice.

The Amphitheatre Aristocracy meet once a week at the Folktown Amphitheatre to discuss matters of import, to eat and drink, and sometimes to perform. At one time, the Amphitheatre aristocracy contained one of the greatest theatre companies in the world. Nowadays, with the general decline of theatre the group is dominated by scholars who frequently stage large debates on a wide variety of issues. These debates frequently attract a wide cross-section of the public; from the elite (such as the owners of the Folktown Records weekly newspaper) to the lowly.

These Alezanians supposedly are remarkably 'evil' in appearance, and are allegedly prone to such activities as kidnapping and devouring badly behaved children, building and then abandoning civilizations, and possibly even tearing up the throats of--rather than eating--said misbehaved children, though the only person to have thought this last possible worked at Folktown Records.

Even in our contemporary times, the pursuit of AuroAnthropology has been at best considered fairly controversial. Consider this recent clipping from our own Folktown Records, edition 312:

"Why does the Sun Shine?" - Gibbous Saunders, age 11.

Garth Haversham (Managing Editor) replies: "Dear readers, while it is the policy and mission of this publication to provide clear answers to questions, in this case myself and my staff have had to make a tough call--Master Saunders, ask your mother."

It is hard to find record of an unkind word being spoken of her, though clearly the mother mentioned in this extract from the Folktown Records was an exception:

The question: My mother says that Bethany Mboya is "no better than she ought to be". What does this strangely formed sentence mean, and is it true? And the reply: I can assure you from personal experience that Bethany is considerably better than any one woman has any right to be.

Folktown Records #519 reported that Bobby Shwarmph may--or may not--have been the victim of a freak ball lightning accident, suffering searing burns across his throat which left him scarred and speechless. The article also hints he may have been the victim of foul play. However, our interviews with former associates indicate Shwarmph was mostly driven into plain old alcohol addiction after a vaguely documented incident during his factfinding trip to the Alezan ruins near his home.

At the end of the Day of Champions, there is a traditional feast where the members of the Folktown Council are bound to serve all comers from a large array of bay marees. Huge quantities of Adlorst wine are consumed, making the following day somewhat of an ordeal for most. This time of servitude presents some special risks to the members of the Council: at last count, there have been eleven assassinations at these end-of-day events. The most notable was when Baron Smallwood’s uncle, Iain Underholm Smallwood, was attacked by an unidentified assailant who sprayed his victim with Adlorst wine and then threw Ball Lightning Liqueur over him. The resulting conflagration caused Iain Smallwood to melt in front of bystanders, and the assassin avoided capture (it may only be coincidence that the next issue of the Folktown Records was its best selling ever - so much so that a second and third printing were required.)

And, indeed, there is a promising upsurge of interest in the old stories of late, with last year's Author Laureat being awarded to Mork Wasterson, a 87-year-old man, for the telling of his experiences on the day of the Earthquake of Fluyr.

As he told the tale, it was as though we were there with him, and he was again just 13, running home from the Baleman as the trembling earth tried to toss him to the ground. (Folktown Records, special Gala report)

The pulp remaining after the darseeds and plants have been processed for oil is used to make the fine paper on which the Folktown Records weekly newspaper is printed and the lesser pulp is ground into a mash to be used as a livestock feed.

Phineas - a script does exist, tied into the Folktown Records release dates (just change the number in the URL to the FR issue you'd like to know the date of). If every FR is released on an Ulfsday (as per the discussion on Talk:Encyclopedant Calendar, you can infer any other dates from that (just find the FR release nearest toward your intended date, and then count forward or backwards). --Morbus Iff 08:34, 14 Sep 2004 (EDT)

From an advertisement in the Folktown Records (33rd edition, -13/11/22 EC):

Do YOU like to gossip and gander?
Love to peep and spy on Forbidden Toms?
Want a life more interesting than your own?
Come to ELMINSTER MIRE! Open year round!