Uncle Sam would be proud.

genocide isn't THAT bad
by Morbus

So I'm watching TV, bored out of my mind, eating a burnt onion bagel with a prodigious amount of peanut butter on it, trying to get used to our new cable line up.

Apparently MediaOne, after having bought out our local cable company, decided that being in town a couple of years was reason enough to change our whole cable lineup to make better surfing. Not only do they have all the news channels grouped together, but due to yet another government regulation, I can watch poor impersonations of Muppets speak Spanish to a slovenly dressed Puerto Rican.

All this is fine and dandy until I get to the news portion of our lineup, which is nicely sandwiched between some cooking channels and other pieces of crap that no one in their right mind would watch (they figure if we've got to flip through their channels to get to our news, then their Nielson ratings are bound to go up). Anyways, (and I really have to stop this rambling), I get to the news channels and what do I see? Everyone's favorite topic: Littleton, mass murders, influence on children, and that non-Muppet enhanced serial train killer.

Blah, blah, blah, here we go again: "Media is too violent. Gun control is lacking. Spanish Muppeteering will not be allowed in the next Olympics. Serial killer used 30 aliases, and four Social Security numbers. KILLING MRS. TINGLE renamed to TEACHING MRS. TINGLE. Buffy director says to pirate the unshown episode."

Shut... the... fuck... UP!

Ooooh, the Littleton kids had a website! Wow, that's a new one! My next door neighbor has a website with pictures of his dog, and if you look real close, you can see a picture of Bill Clinton with a boner. The child killers (can't wait until "baby killers" becomes the term of the day... anyone see IT'S ALIVE?) had an AOL website with hatespeak about their school. Wow, that's another good one! Preps have even said they hated school, if not because they couldn't go to Le Expensico Restaurante to eat with their Glee Club, but because the amount of homework they were given forced them to skip their healthy dose of "Eating with God" on the Religious Channel (also sandwiched next to the news).

Let's pass more gun laws! Let's delay our movie so that we don't have the bad impression of Littleton (yeah, that's really solving the issue). Let's turn a movie about killing a teacher, into a dark comedy which touches base with the fictional daydreams of our school loser. Let's not air the Buffy episode because maybe some kids will dress up like a 60 foot snake and go around killing their peers!

I figure the best thing the human race can do now is to start over. Kill everyone! "Genocide across America" will be the newest battle cry, although not the most original; we've been seeing the Church of Euthanasia bumper stickers ("Save the Planet. Kill Yourself") on VW's for the past decade or so.

Apparently though, the car owners didn't find it within their heart to apply their own doctrine. "Hey, I was just doing it cos I thought it was funny!" Uh huh, that's how Spanish Muppetteering got off the ground as well.

I change the channels quickly now, hoping for some respite. The serial train killer (you know, we really need a mass murderer to go around snuffing bus passengers, cos than computer users would have a great joke about "serial bus killers") is now "implicated in another ten murders".

Ho hum.

Then we have Steven King saying he'll take some of his Bachman books off the shelves in an attempt to reexamine his role in child rearing. Then he got hit with a car. Let's blame that on someone from Littleton, and we'll have a nice little full circle (come on, perhaps the distracting dog was a puppy of a pregnant mother from the Littleton Pet Store). Christine would be proud.

Some people will think I'm rambling, but so are the news channels. Rambling about the wrong solutions, the wrong indications, the wrong people. Rambling about how Microsoft has been leaking information to the press, and how THE PHANTOM MENACE has been played illegally over a million times in homes across America. Rambling about how pornography on the web is at every turn.

Wait. What? Pornography was last years' news... Ooooohhh. Silly me. Stanley Kubrick's EYES WIDE SHUT is coming out in a month, so the porn sites are going crazy with the idea of a porno coming to theatres, directed by someone whose name alone will draw in clueless crowds.

Apparently, they reason, that will draw the amount of people to their sites, since everyone will be clambering for still images of Nicole Kidman naked. Well, at least, all those kids who got booted out of line.

Such a silly little world we live in. Perhaps genocide isn't THAT bad of an idea. You won't find me practicing what I suggest, though. I've got to watch the news. Got to keep an eye out for what the Enemies of Entertainment call naughty or nice. Got to keep an ear available to hear the latest plea from the Muppet that went crazy.

And, of course, a working keyboard to detail it all for you. Good night.

you got blood on my vcr!!!!
by John Treacy

On the front page of Monday's local newspaper there was a big ass picture of a guy in a World War II Nazi Soldier Uniform blasting away at an unseen enemy. The look on this man's face is something I'll never forget. It was pure admonishment. His rage is something I've seen few times in my life. And each time, along with this one, it is burned in my memory. This chilling expression of hatred is something I will never forget. The picture was part of full blown coverage given to a neighboring town's feverish reenactment of a WWII battle. And the haunting face was that of a sixteen year old boy. I had a new reason to be ashamed of American heritage: it's called the curse of the past. This boy was living in that curse and loving it. Why else would anybody want to dress in full combat gear in 90 degree weather and come as close to shooting a large mass of people as legally possible. This boy, this child... is a lunatic. Was he born crazy? Doubtful, any blame in this case would lie directly on his parents. From Day One, he must have been almost beaten with the greatness of America. How great and powerful this nation is. What is means to be a real American. How to properly salute the flag. How to pray to our mighty Christ. How to mistrust all those unlike you. Jews are liars. Niggers are thieves. The Spics stole our jobs. How to run, how to fight, how to shoot. How to kill.

Two pages away in Hollywood... Any creativity left in the city is completely under siege. While we've all heard about the "Buffy" and "Tingle" incidents the span of a violence in entertainment crackdown is everywhere. Jeff Bridges' latest movie "Arlington Road" has been pushed back to a July 9th opening date. Disney will only proceed with the latest Martin Scoresse film if the violence is toned down. A film called "Sugar, Spice and Semiautomatics" has been retitled "Sugar and Spice". Kevin Smith's "Dogma" is being trimmed of its violent content. The director was quoted as saying "There's definitely the question of Littleton to consider." This is widespread fascism. A complete and total rechecking and processing of all entertainment before consumption. The pressure is coming from middle America and Capitol Hill. And while Hollywood is holed up in money, it's impossible to make a film without a major studio. And with every major studio putting a non-violent context pressure on every one of its projects, we have censorship in our "free" country.

Yes America, the glorious free nation which our sixteen year old psychopath has been forced to love, is ignoring him and those like him and slowly taking away our already limited freedom of choice. As I look at my steadily growing collection of ultra-violent horror movies, I am filled with a sense of purpose. No longer am I simply just collecting these films, I'm stockpiling. Harmless really, when you reflect on our trigger happy friend and his choice of weaponry. A piece of artillery known as "Hitler's Saw". A non-replica fully automatic 1940's machine gun. For a person to own one of those for personal use, one would have to think that such person must have a huge amount of firepower. No historical society in the world would grant the use of one of their pieces in an all out reenactment. Nope, one of this patriot's friends or perhaps even himself was the owner of this gun. How many would he own before acquiring such a piece? 10? 20? 30? How many would his father have? More? Guns alone may not be anymore responsible than movies for our murder rate (the world's highest) but our mentality is surely the cause for it. The mentality that houses the need to own one in the first place.

Meanwhile, Republican Congressman Henry Hyde attempted to pass a bill to make it illegal to show "toxically poisoning" entertainment to children. Thankfully, he failed. He probably would be proud of our little John Wayne in the woods. Congressman Hyde obviously doesn't realize that his life, his office, his method of thinking is the true poison. The true toxin. So long as our system still stands every child will be born both poisoned and toxic.

Happy "independence" Day.

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Morbus, that article was the funniest damn thing i have read in a long time. congrats.



10,000+ people or so get slaughtered in Kosovo, and hundreds of thousands more are left homeless. A whole fifteen kids (but they were white suburbanites!!) die in Littleton. What gets more publicity?

After watching so much shit on this, and all this crap, and all this hubbub about "oh, we have to control guns, we have to stop the violence, we have to stop the hate", I'm ready to go postal because of that. Wouldn't that be a new one? Someone goes postal because he couldn't get _enough_ violence. Death Wish 3 made me smile and relax. The latest orgy of pseudo-liberal whiners makes me envision cleaving them all apart with a machete. Which is more likely to cause people to be sent to Hell? Fuck guns and schools. Although certain mid-levels of the Illuminati will be mad at me, much more of this and I'm going to take a bomb to MTV headquarters. Or the Anti-Defamation League. Or the White House. No.. wait, forget that. If I killed Clinton, Gore would be president. If I killed the ADL, a bazillion kikes would be pissed at me, and they'd just found it again or something even more censor-oriented and worse. If I killed MTV... god only knows what tripe they'll use to replace it. I can only say one thing folks.. unless you're using it for console gaming, turn off your TV. (No, I did not actually watch MTV to find out about their "stop the violence" program. I only heard about it. My mind is still somewhat pure.)

Of course, I'm a Quake and Starcraft player, and I don't have to worry about that- turn off the tube, turn on the comp, and start slaughtering. If I really feel the urge to see truly mutilated people, I can go over to www.goregallery.com or www.facesofdeath.com and start giggling. Violence makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but you (the "you" in this case having an IQ over 80) probably figured that out already.

But people, if you're going to go off and kill your classmates/coworkers, can't you do better than a 2:13 ratio? Timmy McVeigh and his bud Terry Nichols used adequate preparation and got a 2:187 ratio with hundreds more wounded. They're among the highest on the civilian American fraglist. And that idiot who only could wound six guys before he let the assistant principal take his gun away (Moron of the Year award here!) deserves a nice kick to the head, not for going in with a gun, but for superbly bad aim and mental weakness.

Just remember..

-No one is truly safe. Anywhere. That includes you. Nothing can change that.

-There are too many people on this planet. No, you are not an exception. No, you will not change the world. No, you are not worth the food you eat, the gas you burn, or the garbage you create. Very few people are, and those are hyper-geniuses, innovators, and the guy who first invented automatic shift. No, I am probably not one of them. No, I do not give a fuck.

-Violence and hatred are part of humanity. Face it. People have been slaughtering each other since ancient times. Perhaps a few hundred thousand years of evolution will change that, but I think it'll do as it always has - that being to make more efficient killers and breeders.

-Yes, I hate humanity as it is. Yes, I was picked on as a kid. No, I do not hate absolutely everyone. No, I will not actually go postal any time soon (I prefer to manipulate people to kill each other instead, getting me some vicarious frags, thus pumping my ratio up).

-Although I can not be reasoned with or explained to, I enjoy obnoxious, whining, politically correct replies to my statements. If yours is particularly meaty or ridiculous, I will laugh my fucking head off and put it on my page.

-Yes, I was bored as hell when I wrote this. No, I don't care what the hell you think, although it will be entertaining. Yes, I know this sounds like (and is) your average, basic, ten-minute misanthropic rant against the idiots and boneheads who think everyone should be given a "fair chance at life", but no, I didn't copy off anyone else, although www.fitshaced.com and bitch.shutdown.com are always great inspiration. No, I actually don't expect this to be posted (but it probably will be anyway, given Disobey's taste for weird and different shit. This isn't weird or different by any means, but it sure sounds like it, neh?)

...I've typed too much already.


i really have to say that on this i agree with you more than i normally admit. mostly it was probably a bad idea...now kids are afraid to go to school, they have to wear clear backpacks (which isnt fair when you want to sneak a few peeks at a comic book instead of doing your work) and now the censors are taking out trenchcoat scenes out of basketball diaries and matrix (oh like trenchcoats are some how evil now, please). but really, these kids were disturbed...hell i wanted to kill everyone in my 7th grade class many years ago...i know where they are coming from. i think people should stop blaming aethists, porn, the basketball diaries, cartoon violence, the parents ect ect and just open their eyes and realize that posting the 10 commandments and censorship is gonna solve anything. if those things played a partt it was just as much society's and the prep school's and snootty jocks fault as well.

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Devil Shat Fifty Three was released on 07/01/99. Last updated: 07/01/99.