growing old down
by the bay
I know that four months from now, when we're all on our deathbeds, I'll look back at the fiftieth issue of Devil Shat and wonder why it was such an accomplishment. That's the funny thing with history - it just doesn't look good when you're gazing back on it.
I'd say to myself that accomplishments based on numbers are useless. You could bitch about something for 100 issues - but if you do it horribly, or no one is listening, you've accomplished only the greatest waste of time you'd admit to yourself.
I'd say to myself that issue fifty meant nothing to most people. I'd say that issue four - now THAT was an issue. Over two years later, and people still comment on the rebuttal to the Patriotic White Aryan Movement - how great and wonderfully written my comments were, and how it was gutsy to release.
Gutsy would be an understatement. That issue almost put Devil Shat off the map. You can read about the whole sad affair, which involved being kicked off AOL, in issue five. But, as you know (and to the chagrin of others), we came back.
I'd say to myself that issue fifty brought no thoughts to the readers - only a self serving piece meant to stroke your ego.
Lemme tell you something, dedicated readers: I WOULD say that crap four months from now - but damn, fifty issues of Devil Shat feels *really* good right now.
575k of text (which is A LOT), 100,000 words and a crapload of emails later, I can honestly say that I feel like I've accomplished things. I won't laugh at myself and say that I've changed people into better human beings - but based on the emails I've received, I can say that people have enjoyed reading Devil Shat.
For that, I'm damned happy.
I'm damned happy that I became strict and forced myself to write my feelings down, forced myself to get what was in my head and throw it into the anal of history's firm buttocks. Don't get me wrong though - there have been times where I've wished I didn't have to write Devil Shat. I had other *funner* things to do and I didn't want to spend the effort to write something halfway decent.
And as much as I wish I hadn't, I've released some not-so-good shit in the past. That's OK, though - Devil Shat is about my thoughts, feelings, and emotions - and sometimes I'm just not in the mood to appease the Gods of Thought. If that's a bad thing, I'll be the first to agree with you.
Devil Shat hasn't been favorably received all around - there have been people who have complained that Devil Shat has TRIED to become underground material... and that I'd never be able to achieve my dreams in that regard. Of course, about ten issues before that comment, I was being chastised for becoming mainstream.
Lemme tell you something else, dedicated readers. Devil Shat isn't trying to become anything. I'm not trying to impress anyone, I'm not trying to become a part of any 'leet organization, I'm not trying to be read by everyone in America. I don't want syndication, I don't want people coming to hunt me down because I fucked their mother (sorry, Monica, really), I don't want to get up on some talk show and have Jerry Springer bow down to me for thinking of things that he never could.
I just want to be me - sitting passively in front of the world, pointing at things, laughing at their hilarity, frowning at their stupidity, or frothing at their incompetence... and then jotting it all down. I like to write, to think, and to speak out about how I feel.
In Devil Shat, I do all of those things. And I do them for me. Not for other people, not for the readers, and not for impressions. And if you want to kick my ass for that, I'll only make you more angry as you hear my laughing throughout.
To quote Fat Boy Slim, to myself: "We've come a long, long way together - through the hard times and the good. I have to celebrate you baby, I have to praise you like I should."
My praise and celebration extends out to all of you. Thank you for being with me and for putting up with my crap. May we grow older together.
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Well, first off, I'd like to say Congratulations!! 50 Issues is alot to be proud of.. of course I said the same thing about issue 25, but at that time, it was alot to be proud of too.
Unfortunately, I wasn't a subscriber to Devil Shat back around Issue 4 (spankin myself for that one) but I did go back and read it along with the following issues about AOL, etc etc. Now I've forgotten what my point was (must've been all that spanking). Oh yeah.. my point was that I was extremely happy to see that Devil Shat was able to survive through all that. I would have nothing to fill my Saturday mornings if there were no Devil Shat.
"but based on the emails I've received, I can say that people have enjoyed reading Devil Shat. For that, I'm damned happy. "
As well you should be. You've put a lot of work into making Devil Shat what it is today, which is simply a damn good zine, as well as the other writers that have contributed. But I have to ask.. is "funner" really a word?
You are charting your own path of life and enjoying it. I have always done the same thing. Some people (many) have taken offense to some of my activities. That doesn't bother me and I doubt that it does to you. I do not hurt others unfairly or try to take advantage of them. However, I have kicked a few butts that have given me a hard time and I have even enjoyed that.
Good reflection and out loud introspection.
Those of us who like to read other's minds, and feel vindicated when those others share our views, salute you and your gump-tion. Hail those free spirits and daring souls who brave the unknown and are willing to have their precious thoughts ripped apart and farted out by those who need to purge