Ghyll:Jemima and the Square Do-Gooders - Revision history

Morbus Iff: Fixing Jcowan's sig and adding separator.

2005-02-14T15:21:08Z

Fixing Jcowan's sig and adding separator.

Jcowan: Pluralizing all categories and refactoring some.

2005-01-30T17:57:04Z

Pluralizing all categories and refactoring some.

Jcowan: Scholarly comment and quotation

2005-01-29T04:52:55Z

Scholarly comment and quotation

Jcowan: Jcowan boldly bolds the first appearance of every article name in the corresponding article.

2005-01-29T04:36:13Z

Jcowan boldly bolds the first appearance of every article name in the corresponding article.

Jcowan: Changing category

2004-12-03T22:19:19Z

Changing category

Morbus Iff: I'm presuming you meant Middle here too.

2004-11-23T14:47:26Z

I'm presuming you meant Middle here too.

Morbus Iff: Copyediting. Tee-hee.

2004-11-23T14:34:40Z

Copyediting. Tee-hee.

Sbp: Rewriting the introduction--it had redundancies.

2004-11-14T21:42:23Z

Rewriting the introduction--it had redundancies.

Sbp: Thanks Darus Ixa!

2004-11-14T21:38:26Z

Thanks Darus Ixa!

New page

''Jemima and the Square Do-Gooders'' is widely regarded as the worst fantasy novel ever written. Written by [[Meldersen]] before he turned to more scholarly pursuits, it is the very epitome of a badly constructed fantasy novel. Every time the [[Odlucian Library]] procures a new copy, it's defaced within a week, causing the book to have ironically been reissued more times than any other popular novel.

==Plot Summary==

So that you don't have to read it:

Jemima Panderlock is a go-getting city girl living in a tall well kept building in the east of [[Iganefta]]. Decisive and courageous, she knows what she likes and she knows how to get it. One day she's approached by a mysterious stranger who she tells to get bent. She decides to go on a quest against the Five Do-Gooders to prevent her homeland of Muddle Ghyll from falling into the hands of politically correct brazen idiots. Faced with having no companions apart from her non-identical twin sister Jelena, and having no special skills to help her along the way, she enlists the help of a wise and extremely useful guide, Rogbert the Wizzlard. Jemima prepares for a long and arduous trek with Jelena and Rogbert in tow, and orders provisions for seven months' travel across the seven circular lands of Middle Ghyll before finding out that the Five Do-Gooders actually live next door. "Shit!", she exclaims. The Five Do-Gooders' power is severely limited by them having to counjure up a set meal for five every night, so Jemima effortlessly fulfills her task. Here's an excerpt from the most intense "battle" scene:

<blockquote>
<p>Groll the Do-Gooder turned his grisly head and raised the black shaft to strike. "Use the Gnarlstone!" cried Jelena. "No worries" said Rogbert and the venerable wizzlard raised the orb and muttered the Arnian words "haster-le-vister". A bright flash flared and the Do-Gooder slumped into a pile of grey-green mush. Suddenly Jemima sprung forth from the lavatory with a mighty battle cry[[#Footnotes|*]], whereupon Jelena and Rogbert explained to her that the battle was already over.</p>
</blockquote>

Some Toasters came around and had a party as Jelena and the others all got pissed out of their heads and lapsed into unconsciousness. They decided to hold a mighty and expansive tea party the next day with the neighbourhood kids. Groll the Do-Gooder wasn't actually killed, merely maimed, and lived a long happy life as a pile of grey-green mush. Jemima and Jelena were both sexually promiscuous (though never with nerds or geeks, whom they considered almost as an inferior species), but that's purely incidental.

'''Citations''': [[Iganefta]], [[Meldersen]], [[Odlucian Library]].

--[[User:Sbp|Sean B. Palmer]] 16:38, 14 Nov 2004 (EST)

==Footnotes==

<nowiki>*</nowiki> It was that time of the month.

@@ Line 17: / Line 17: @@
 --[[User:Sbp|Sean B. Palmer]] 16:38, 14 Nov 2004 (EST)
 Here's a somewhat longer quotation from one of the "romantic" passages, in quite a different style from the above.  I copied it from the original manuscripts on display at the [[Odlucian Library]] at the risk of my own sanity:
@@ Line 25: / Line 26: @@
 <p>Again, Rogbert saw Jemima herself in flowing white robes made of the stuff from which fleecy clouds are wrought. All these wonders he described, and when he came to tell her of the fair cloud image of herself he seized the joyous chance to make her understand in some faint degree how altogether lovely in his eyes the vision was. Then she smiled and softly pressed his hand said:</p></blockquote>
-But enough, or we will all be mind-wrecked.  --[[User:Jcowan|Jcowan]] 23:52, 28 Jan 2005 (EST)
+But enough, or we will all be mind-wrecked.  --[[User:Jcowan|John Cowan]] 23:52, 28 Jan 2005 (EST)
 [[Category:Texts]]

@@ Line 17: / Line 17: @@
 --[[User:Sbp|Sean B. Palmer]] 16:38, 14 Nov 2004 (EST)
-Here's a somewhat longer quotation from one of the "romantic" first-person passages, in quite a different style from the above.  I copied it from the original manuscripts on display at the [[Odlucian Library]] at the risk of my own sanity:
+Here's a somewhat longer quotation from one of the "romantic" passages, in quite a different style from the above.  I copied it from the original manuscripts on display at the [[Odlucian Library]] at the risk of my own sanity:
 <blockquote><p>During those evening hours it seemed that with the soft touch of Jemima's hand there ran through Rogbert a current of infectious dreaming which kindled his soul till thoughts of beauty came to his mind and words of music sprang to his lips such as he had always considered not to be in him. It was not he who spoke; it was Jemima who saw with his eyes and spoke with his voice. To his vision, swayed by Jemima's subtle influence, the landscape became a thing of moving beauty and of life, and the floating clouds became a panorama of ever shifting pictures.</p>
@@ Line 27: / Line 27: @@
 But enough, or we will all be mind-wrecked.  --[[User:Jcowan|Jcowan]] 23:52, 28 Jan 2005 (EST)
-[[Category:Text]]
+[[Category:Texts]]
 ==Footnotes==
 <nowiki>*</nowiki> It was that time of the month.

← Older revision		Revision as of 04:52, 29 January 2005
Line 16:		Line 16:

	--[[User:Sbp\|Sean B. Palmer]] 16:38, 14 Nov 2004 (EST)		--[[User:Sbp\|Sean B. Palmer]] 16:38, 14 Nov 2004 (EST)
		+
		+	Here's a somewhat longer quotation from one of the "romantic" first-person passages, in quite a different style from the above. I copied it from the original manuscripts on display at the [[Odlucian Library]] at the risk of my own sanity:
		+
		+	<blockquote><p>During those evening hours it seemed that with the soft touch of Jemima's hand there ran through Rogbert a current of infectious dreaming which kindled his soul till thoughts of beauty came to his mind and words of music sprang to his lips such as he had always considered not to be in him. It was not he who spoke; it was Jemima who saw with his eyes and spoke with his voice. To his vision, swayed by Jemima's subtle influence, the landscape became a thing of moving beauty and of life, and the floating clouds became a panorama of ever shifting pictures.</p>
		+
		+	<p>Rogbert, inspired by her, described so eloquently the wonders he saw that she, too, could see them. [[Po Mountain]] grew before his eyes, and he plainly saw Sarfl sitting before his cave, while gods and goddesses floated at his feet and revelled on the fleecy mountain sides. Then mountain, gods, and goddesses dissolved -- as in fact they did dissolve ages ago before the eyes of millions who had thought them real.</p>
		+
		+	<p>Again, Rogbert saw Jemima herself in flowing white robes made of the stuff from which fleecy clouds are wrought. All these wonders he described, and when he came to tell her of the fair cloud image of herself he seized the joyous chance to make her understand in some faint degree how altogether lovely in his eyes the vision was. Then she smiled and softly pressed his hand said:</p></blockquote>
		+
		+	But enough, or we will all be mind-wrecked. --[[User:Jcowan\|Jcowan]] 23:52, 28 Jan 2005 (EST)

	[[Category:Text]]		[[Category:Text]]

← Older revision		Revision as of 04:36, 29 January 2005
Line 1:		Line 1:
−	Written by [[Meldersen]] before he turned to more scholarly pursuits, ''Jemima and the Square Do-Gooders'' is widely regarded as the worst fantasy novel ever written due to its flimsy and badly thought out construction. Every time the [[Odlucian Library]] procures a new copy, it's defaced within a week, causing the book to have ironically been reissued more times than any other popular novel.	+	Written by [[Meldersen]] before he turned to more scholarly pursuits, '''''Jemima and the Square Do-Gooders''''' is widely regarded as the worst fantasy novel ever written due to its flimsy and badly thought out construction. Every time the [[Odlucian Library]] procures a new copy, it's defaced within a week, causing the book to have ironically been reissued more times than any other popular novel.

	==Plot Summary==		==Plot Summary==

@@ Line 5: / Line 5: @@
 So that you don't have to read it:
-Jemima Panderlock is a go-getting city girl living in a tall well-kept building in the east of [[Iganefta]]. Decisive and courageous, she knows what she likes and she knows how to get it. One day, she's approached by a mysterious stranger who she tells to get bent. She decides to go on a quest against the Five Do-Gooders to prevent her homeland of Muddle Ghyll from falling into the hands of politically correct brazen idiots. Faced with having no companions apart from her non-identical twin sister Jelena, and having no special skills to help her along the way, she enlists the help of a wise and extremely useful guide, Rogbert the Wizzlard. Jemima prepares for a long and arduous trek with Jelena and Rogbert in tow, and orders provisions for seven months' travel across the seven circular lands of Middle Ghyll before finding out that the Five Do-Gooders actually live next door. "Shit!", she exclaims. The Five Do-Gooders' power is severely limited by them having to conjure up a set meal for five every night, so Jemima effortlessly fulfills her task. Here's an excerpt from the most intense "battle" scene:
+Jemima Panderlock is a go-getting city girl living in a tall well-kept building in the east of [[Iganefta]]. Decisive and courageous, she knows what she likes and she knows how to get it. One day, she's approached by a mysterious stranger who she tells to get bent. She decides to go on a quest against the Five Do-Gooders to prevent her homeland of Middle Ghyll from falling into the hands of politically correct brazen idiots. Faced with having no companions apart from her non-identical twin sister Jelena, and having no special skills to help her along the way, she enlists the help of a wise and extremely useful guide, Rogbert the Wizzlard. Jemima prepares for a long and arduous trek with Jelena and Rogbert in tow, and orders provisions for seven months' travel across the seven circular lands of Middle Ghyll before finding out that the Five Do-Gooders actually live next door. "Shit!", she exclaims. The Five Do-Gooders' power is severely limited by them having to conjure up a set meal for five every night, so Jemima effortlessly fulfills her task. Here's an excerpt from the most intense "battle" scene:
 <blockquote>

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:42, 14 November 2004
Line 1:		Line 1:
−	''Jemima and the Square Do-Gooders'' is widely regarded as the worst fantasy novel ever written~~. Written by [[Meldersen]] before he turned~~ to ~~more scholarly pursuits, it is the very epitome of a~~ badly ~~constructed fantasy novel~~. Every time the [[Odlucian Library]] procures a new copy, it's defaced within a week, causing the book to have ironically been reissued more times than any other popular novel.	+	Written by [[Meldersen]] before he turned to more scholarly pursuits, ''Jemima and the Square Do-Gooders'' is widely regarded as the worst fantasy novel ever written due to its flimsy and badly thought out construction. Every time the [[Odlucian Library]] procures a new copy, it's defaced within a week, causing the book to have ironically been reissued more times than any other popular novel.

	==Plot Summary==		==Plot Summary==