I am the SuperBeast.

arghh, i'm mad
by Morbus

Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Swear. Swear. Swear. I need to join a cult. I need to find a place where I can feel like I can fit in, or at least feel like I have some special ability that the rest of you damn people don't. I want to feel like I can conquer the world, and that I'm part of some special elite force that is a helluva lot better than the piece of crap I'm coming from.

See, I'm in a bad mood... I could care less what happens now. More cynical-than-usual. Like Colonel Taylor from the Planet of the Apes. Did you know that it's the thirtieth anniversary of the dang'd movie? I watched it a couple of times, and you know what? As much as people might hate it because it's a bunch of monkies, or because it's some stupid movie, the messages are well-put. I know I'm rambling, but if you hate the damn'd thing, just close your eyes and listen to it.

To jump back on track, cults just make you feel like you belong. Take Colonel Taylor. Sure, he was being abused the whole time he was considered a primitive by the apes, but he was THE representative of the human race. The same human race he hated. And now he was their savior. What irony.

I don't even know what the hell I'm trying to say. The above paragraph didn't even make sense. I'm so blinded by an irrational rage brought by a phone call that I plan to just "train of thought" this stupid piece of writing. Hell, I don't even know if people read this drivel anymore, but it feels good to me, I like doing it, and hell... that's all I care about.

I guess I'm a one man cult. A one man hero of my own twisted view of humanity. As if I'm saving anyone... I'm still trying to figure out how to save myself.

Cults make you feel special and individual. Like you know some inner secret that empowers you to keep going through life even though the rest of the world is one big pile of shit.

We haven't had a media-cult for a while because this is the age of the Ego. Everyone wants to control everything themselves, because they think only themselves are important. That doesn't make good cult material because then you have petty bickering from within, and THAT never works.

I still don't know what I'm talking about, and you probably have no clue either. I want to go somewhere that I can feel like I belong, somewhere I can spit out my aggressions to the world I've created, and let myself read or hear or discuss them when the rage is gone and my head is clear.

So I write and type. I'm feeling a little bit better because of the words pouring from me. I still have more to go, so still I type. I type to the world I have created: that of Devil Shat. Often times I feel like it's my own personal diary, where I can sit back and take a look at the past years, and figure out what I was thinking when I was thinking it. Sadly, I think that if I looked back at this article, I would shake my head disappointingly and wonder why I ever considered it "good enough" to be a piece released to the masses.

Two different train of thoughts coming to a crossroads: Do I publish Devil Shat for myself, or for the masses? Do I write it for my own piece of mind, or to illustrate points for you?

That's the funny thing about a cult. You can change the rules anytime you want, because the rules aren't complete. You don't have a Bible, but instead, a Constitution, to which you can add, modify and delete things that don't work. A cult is a work-in-progress which changes with the time. And unless you're beliefs tell you to, you can care or not.

Cults are wonderful solutions to many a problem because they are solutions you can live with... which is the main reason non-cult members don't understand. Why did Bo Peep buy Nike shoes or make the poisonous paste? Why did Koresh name himself Jesus, and fornicate with the women, and purportedly, children? To us, they are confusing sins, something we can't measure next to the "Normalcy Counter", so therefore they must be dangerous or harmful(tm). But to the insiders, they make perfect sense.

This article began to make sense for me a couple of paragraphs ago. It began to find its focus and I began to figure out what I was trying to say. Like a cult, it was a work-in-progress, something that was refined as my thoughts were refined. You may get it or you may not.

My cult says I don't care if you do or don't.

how to write for the new (but getting very old) age movement
by PushPop

There exists a unique opportunity in this day and age for the potential cult leader, scam artist, or spiritual visionary to have a hand in swaying the hearts and minds of a great number of otherwise rational people. True, it's not the hot new thing it was a few decades ago: you may not be the first on your block to write a manual for communing with Crystals, Faeries, Dragons, and Angels, but you'll at least be guaranteed a long and healthy career at it: this trend doesn't show any signs of dying down.

The fact of the matter is that people want to BELIEVE. Cynicism and petroleum products have stripped the wonder from their lives, and dammit if they won't pay through the nose to get it back. I'm sure that psychologists have put this trend through a more rigorous analysis. If you have any designs to cash in on it, though, this is what to do.

1. Pick a supernatural entity.

The idea here is to find something that has more power than humans do, and yet which, instead of using that power to kick back and enjoy celestial privilege, is willing to do what it can to help humans realize their full potential. The universe cares. If you can't stomach the idea of a peaceful, luminous guardian angel, you can make it a shady spirit which the cunning human might bind to her will. Or you can call it Nature, Force, etc., and make it a matter of the humans learning to get in tune with this power by living better. If conscience did not keep me out of this lucrative market, I'd probably stick with the last one: it's even harder to prove than all the rest.

2. Make it just a little bit dangerous.

Our goal is to restore wonder to a dreary life, right? Telling people to eat lots of vitamins, or to do unto others as they would have done unto them may be dandy advice, but it's just not that exciting. Wonder requires risk. Tell them that by opening their minds to [insert your entity here], they leave themselves open to attracting evil supernatural attention as well as kindly attention, and that only by keeping the body in perfect nutritive balance will the practitioner be strong enough to stand up against his adversaries. Only by keeping a surplus of good karma will good energies continue to flow his way. All manipulations aside, it's probably a good thing(tm) to live in a little more fear and awe of the universe than most of us do. The purpose here is to make the endeavour just scary enough to be challenging, enlivening, and to leave the reader at the end of the day feeling strong, capable, and at peace because of the risks she has safely overcome with the help of her spiritual ally. Let's face it: we don't have to run away from tigers and mastodons any more (and wouldn't really want to if we could). Horror movies and good old fashioned religious terror will have to fill the void.

3. Let common sense have the day.

If you do your job well, your readers won't know (until years after having finished the book) that everything they learned from your studies they already knew. If any catch phrase summarizes the entire message of the New Age movement, it is the Power of Positive Thinking. Try to be original about it, but don't try too hard: no matter how you get around to telling people to think positively, visualize what they want, and trust themselves to get it (oh, it wouldn't hurt to include some relaxing breathing techniques or other rituals too), it will work, you will get converts, and if you have a nice cover design, your books will sell.

Now that you're on your way to making the New Age section of your bookstore that little bit plumper, I encourage you to think big, and think creative. Have a chance to influence a mind eager for molding? Have some fun with it. Tell them that grocery store products get tainted with negative energies, and that they can only be purified if bought blindfolded. Or after waving two crooked fingers over the product. Or something. Found new holidays. Make people whisper mantras at business meetings. Bring back the colour pink. If entertainment is the best thing coming out of this movement, let's not skimp at it. To your typewriters!

send us an email


I just have one question. What the hell was the phone call you recieved!?!


You have a good concept with this site..but unfortunatly Morbus natters on like about nothing really and you get the horrible feeling your the only person listening...

PS i think Devil's Shat is a Fucking brilliant name...


I dont care if you or anyone else creates or makes a cult, the real danger here is when the government (which despises all orthodoxy) begins to decide what constitutes cults and religious fanaticsm. This was the case in the Branch Davidian

Groups burning. The govt. (clinton 1/3 of the govt) warned us as the compound burned that "this will show you what happens to cult leaders and religious fanatics!"

Now if the govt (clinton) had seen a rock fall out of the sky ad commented on its wiping out of a group considered by himself to be a cult he would still be on thin ice as far as official pronouncements go; But, he was the one who brought on the firestorm and thus was commenting on his own administrations actions toward the cultic or fanatical (that is scary). I guess what comes around goes around and I am glad to see this man fall. I greatly feared our government being controlled by someone who with ease killed 96 americans including 26 children who had to be killed to save them.

Tin soldiers in clintons army
were finally on our own
that summer we heard them burning
90 dead in waco.
Gotta get down when the soldiers are cutting us down,
where do you run when you know,
26 kids that will never live on this ground
all because of reno.
tin soldiers in clintons army,
were finnally on our own.....

next issue >>
<< last issue

plain text format

Devil Shat is published by Disobey & is protected under all copyright laws.
Devil Shat Thirty Five was released on 09/10/98. Last updated: 09/10/98.