Tastes Like Chicken

assholic: assholic
part three

by Rown Garnbii

or: A Word About Activists

Last month I tried my very best to express the dangers of stupid people. Far beyond the expected dangers they present to normal everyday life, like idiots cutting you off or stepping on your feet. No. The stupid are the drones of an evil society and their leader, their queen, is the Activist.

Now, before everyone starts getting all shouty again, this column isn't a blanket statement. I do not mean all activists. By all means, keep sending in your donations to whatever charity, program or lobbyist you wish. Those I target are different. People who are actual dangers.

The reasons there are so many activists number two. First, activists can be effective. It's rare, but true. There are many documented cases where protests have actually contributed to great changes in society... none come to mind at present but rest assured, they exist... Actually, the only ones popping in my head are horrifically failed protests like the Anarchists at the WTO and the entire 1960s... But, back on point, with time and determination, change can happen. Sadly, most who join activist movements do so for the second reason, power.

In activism lies enormous power, in leadership, more so. The leader of any movement has, in many respects, an entire army at their beck and call. An entirely willing army at that feel they are in the right. And as everyone knows, an army armed with a single belief is an army totally manned with unwavering dickheads.

This is my theory on activist armies, or even a local get together: Each area of space in the world is allotted a certain amount of intelligence and common sense. I.E. when a person is alone, they tend to do the best thinking, hence why the best ideas come in the bathroom or in the bed. Most specifically, my bed since I'm always the only person in it... hmm... wonder why?

The more people who enter this space, the more that intelligence is divided between them. When two are together, each has half as much common sense. That's why you can never win an argument. When two more join in, the intelligence and common sense is halved again. I think you can see where this is headed. Just imagine the pea-brain that results when you are in a group of hundreds or thousands. These people are not difficult to sway. This is a mob mentality. You can see it any time on the news. A mob simply will not listen to anyone and cannot make a cohesive decision. Anyone ever watch the Simpsons? This is a show that perfectly illustrates my point. The Town Hall scenes, though comical and perhaps exaggerated (though only slightly) are a rough interpretation of what actually happens.

And the activist has control of them all.

Now, on top of all that, the leaders of the groups are the next most important factor. In my experience, one truth has always seemed unshakable. No matter how noble their position may be, a group's leader(s) is always insane or shortly about to become so. It's only natural considering power corrupts and that anyone who has climbed that high of a ladder to get where he is, had to toss a few hundred people off who were in his way. This is why heavy turnover is a must in any office.

Still, despite insane leaders, if the cause is good, feel free to leap aboard activism train. You just have to keep in mind where your stop is. Example: if you join the National Organization for Women, fine. You probably just want to see good representation and equal pay for equal work. No problems there, all are great goals. BUT, don't get it in your head that the leaders of said group would be totally content with that. Look into their eyes, NOW wants women to dominate the Earth. That's their ultimate goal. You may think it's funny and I'm overstating it but fuck you. It's true. And hey, more power to them. Sure, they're nuts but the upshot is that they have to accomplish your goals to get to theirs. That is the point. When they've met your goals, that you stop handing in the checks.

All movements are like this. PeTA wants to ultimately bring about the end of human rule and elect an ostrich to the senate, the NRA wants everyone armed, the Anti-Gun lobby doesn't even want the cops armed, the PTC wants to censor everything you see, coincidentally so does the FCC, the ACLU is defending N.A.M.B.L.A. in a civil liberties trial and that'll tell you what's going through their head, and the Anarchists want to be able to legally break shit. Just be aware of it. Why do these organizations want to go to the extreme? Simple, because if any of them were actually content with accomplishing a simple reasonable goal, then they'd all have to stop playing and go home when they've finished. They would have to pat themselves on the back, close down their offices and get a real job. Fuck that, huh?

So, hey, if you want to join a movement, go ahead. But keep an eye on them and watch for the assholes. Yes, there are other assholes than just the leader. The person who throws the first rock in a protest, while simultaneously shouting about police brutality. The idiots who throw red paint on you for wearing a fur coat then whine that the coffee shop is out of lowfat half-caff cappuccino. And whoever at PeTA had the fucking stupid idea to give out "UnHappy Meals" filled with pamphlets and toys of bloody cows to children. The hippies who scream about the right to abort a child, then yell at you for eating veal. This stuff doesn't make sense yet it happens every day. Just watch for it.

In closing, do whatever you want, just watch out for assholes, because they ruin the parade for everyone. And for that matter, can someone please tell me what being gay has to do with St. Patricks Day!?! There are people being tied to fences and beaten and they're spending their money on marching banners to promote awareness.

Fuck you!


spectrum of emotion
by Amanda Bryant

My reason in living in art is not so glitzy and far more complicated - I create art, regardless of what form, because without a means to express the intensity of my feelings, I'd die. Out of inability to communicate the depths of myself to another I've kept a record of my feelings through art. True, it started as a way to release myself from a very painful existence but past tragedy was only the beginning of my need to create.

I consider myself more self aware than the average person. One way is I do not suffer the usual human condition of duality. Happiness exists because of misery, pain because of comfort, love because of hate, and so forth lies the duality. Most people pair their emotions in opposites because they only have the capacity to feel differences. Instead of pairing negative and positive emotions as opposites I pair them as similars. Take for instance love and hate, to me they are on in the same in that they are the strongest of emotions that consume us in similar ways. To me like and dislike are on the end of the spectrum with other less intense emotions while love and hate are at the other end with the stronger ones. Think of how wider of a spectrum of emotions you experience with this mental arrangement.

Those who only experience intense emotions as a result of differences lose so many emotions in the middle that are important in self discovery. By in the middle I don't mean apathy - that's an emotion felt by those who are stuck without the differences to occur and compare so they are at a loss to their feelings. People who exists with this duality are usually the same people who tell me I'm morbid, dark, or goth because I often have depression. They think being depressed is a bad emotion because they see it as an opposite of happiness but this is not so. Through depression I've gained much knowledge of myself and the world. When you learn to appreciate the strength of depression it can teach you things. I've also done some of my best creations when in the depths of sorrow. All the things I mentioned above are positive outcomes that occurred within depression. Through depression I can find happiness as well. It's all a part of what limits you put on your ability to feel. Every new surge of emotion leaves me feeling trapped unless I find a way of expressing it. I guess my purpose is to keep a record on every mind set. So every day each breath I take is for art.

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Devil Shat Sixty Nine was released on 12/14/00. Last updated: 10/12/00.