__ __ \ \ /_/i e w e r issue 14 vol. 2 Feb. 1/00 \ \/| |i s c r e t i o n ISSN 1481-2266 \__| |/ v_d@iname.com | _ |/ archived at disobey.com |___|/ http://www.disobey.com/text/ __ ___________________ _ ___________________ _ _________________ __ __ _________________ _ ___________________ _ ___________________ __ __ _______________ _ ___________________ _ _____________________ __ In this issue: WELCOME QUOTABLE HAPPY BIRTHDAY INSTAGON AFeXTeXT BY AFeXT MORBUS DESTROYS A DREAM BY MORBUS FROM THE BUNNIE LIST OV DOOM NEW LINGOSHITE THOMAS THE TANK THEFT mIRCSHITE ONE BILLION PAGES AND COUNTING WHURL-A-URL ETC :: WELCOME :: Welcome to the "bitcharoo bonzai" issue. Yes, it's true, we sold our soul to Morbus. Uh huh. Morbus *is* the devil you know. Well, he offered us a ton of money and fame and a few incredible looking bi-sexual French women to allow Disobey to publish this rag and well, we agreed - dammit! Yes, that's right VD is proudly a corporate slut. Now we're just waiting for all that money from Morbus. He said the cheque was in the mail... In all seriousness though, Morbus did a great job making the transition as painless as possible. VD is even featured on the main page of Disobey. We picked up a whole host of new subscribers in the week or so that VD has been a part of Disobey. Thanks Morbus. New subscribe and unsubscribe shite at the end of this issue. It's all pretty simple though - even people on AOL can figure it out. Most of 'em most of the time that is. Any of you out there following the icravetv.com affair? Funny how when a perceived loss of income by a mega huge corporation is at state the wheels of justice move at the speed of light but when a simple child abuse or murder takes place the wheels grind to halt. And that's not a Yankie slam either - I'm about Canadian justice as well. Something's seriously wrong here... In other news... The ever evolving-text-based-love-affair between AFeXT and Morbus continues this issue - Check out AFeXTTeXT and MORBUS DEDSTROYS A DREAM to catch up on the original VD cyber-soap. Maybe like the ongoing trend on primetime TV of women kissing, maybe, just maybe AFeXt and Morbus will share a secret kiss in their questioning of their own sexuality.... bwahahaha hahahaha hahahahaha I don't really have much more to say this issue except that a friend and I have started our own web design company. More, including a .com to follow in future issues. So, let's crash this plane and see if there are any survivors... :: QUOTABLE :: Sasha: "But I WANT a COOKIE!!!" Mom: "No, after lunch you can have one." Sasha: "OK then, here I go - I'm gonna cry." Mom and Dad: laughter, lots of laughter -Sasha aged 3.5 -Mom much older :: HAPPY BIRTHDAY INSTAGON :: Instagon, fronted by the one and only Lob, from Orange County California will be playing on Feb. 2, 2000 - Wednesday - 9pm - A 21+ free show at CLUB MESA, 843 W. 19th St, Costa Mesa,CA to celebrate their 7th birthday! Anyone out that should definitely check this out and tell Lob VD says happy birthday. In other Instagon news... INSTAGON will have the honour and privilege of playing with one of the UK's top darkwave gothic masters, World Serpent recording artists SOL INVICTUS, this Friday, February 4th in Los Angeles..(actually Hollywood). This show is in support of their very first US tour that starts this week in San Diego and ends just before valentines day in Seattle.. SOL INVICTUS have been releasing some of the best dark folk traditional music since the mid 1980's.. there are equal contemporaries of other UK darkwave acts such as DEATH IN JUNE, CURRENT 93, NURSE WITH WOUND, FIRE*ICE.. also its core member TONY WAKEFORD has worked with many of these other artists in the past.. this is going to be a VERY special and unique happening here in Southern California.. SOL INVICTUS w/ INSTAGON Friday February 4th, 2000 9pm club VYNYL, 1650 Schrader Ave, Hollywood,CA (323) 465-7449 21+ only w/ID tickets are $15 each tickets are available in advance at: VINYL SOLUTION RECORDS, Huntington Beach,CA (714)963-1819 DESTROY ALL MUSIC, Silverlake,CA RHINO RECORDS, Claremont,CA and at the venue box office the day of the show. INSTAGON has plans to perform our song "thee arrow" from the 1995 CD comp "the Pact" ... Instagon has not performed this song since it was recorded... the band will consist of members of Shiva, Annodelleb, Dreamland, Home Audience, Erik Rez, and more.. if you need more info.. ask - http://www.tif.org/instagon/ :: AFeXTeXT BY AFeXT :: (Note: This rambling note was inspired by the last issue of VD -Ed.) I said brain fucking? You sure? where the hell did that come from, holy fuck, I can't even remember saying brain fucking, now I'm really lost and confused. Damn, I said brain fucking. That is so twisted it's not even fynny. Er, funny. Can't type. > "RARE, OUT-OF-PRINT, AND NON-EXISTENT BOOKS." > -Bookstore sign in Jacksonville, Florida I have a cd by a band that doesn't exist... I picked up a brand new cd in a used records store in uptown whittier called Lovell's, like world famous or some shit. Anyway, it was brand new complete cd advance copy of "Oswald Road" by Multiplug, copyrighted 1999, not even opened... for $.99 Anyway, I dig this cd, or, I digged it, It was perfect, but it died for me fast. Probably why it was never really made. I don't know, I go to check out the record label's site, and it has no info... On some site somewhere it said the album was slated for a August 1999 release, but it's never been released. Also the supposed single "Laugh" was to be on this compilation which can be found on CDNOW.com, oddly enough. No one knows this band or has any information on them at all, not even the record company. I guess they did exist. For five seconds, very odd. The CD sucks to me now, though. Just like the CD advance copy of a cd by Earth to Andy I bought because it had a cool case. I am such a loser. Oh well. It'd be nice to know if Multiplug is composed of real people, considering it must really suck to have a release date and a cool advance copy of the cd released on a major label to only have it pulled at the last second. Damn, it must really suck. :: MORBUS DESTROYS A DREAM BY MORBUS :: In answering several notes from AFeXT, including one asking Morbus, through these very pages of VD, to pop his cherry (read a few back issues if you're not up on this thread...), Morbus responses, also through these very pages of VD (godamn you readers out there are lucky to have such high priced talent), with an open letter to AFeXT. Read on... Dear AFeXT, I really really sincerely wish you would stop wishing for the world within the pages of Viewer Discretion. Granted, you did do some brain fucking work for Disobey, but I dare say it was not hard. I double dare say the only thing that was hard during your stay was your crotch - the idea that you could be so close to grandeur must have sent you into a sexual frenzy. This is further apparent in your pathetic plea. The shouting capitalization as my name rolls off your keyboard. The halting "uh" as you realize that your secret fantasy has been announced to the world. The saddened realization that fantasies almost never come true. Truly, truly sad. I only hope you can take a hint. Well, that's that then. Morbus' version is that he is an AFeXT hardon magnet. Uh huh. eeeeeeeeggggggoooooooooo . This kind shit is so enlightening. Who dared to say VD was immature?!?!? :: FROM THE BUNNIE LIST OV DOOM :: Matt B. offers these wonderful bits of humour... What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no eye deer. What do you call a *fish* with no eyes? Fsh. Hmmm I always called a fish with no eyes dinner. And the Bunnie List Ov Doom ListMistress herself - Bunnie - offers this bit of Tejas home cookin' Title: CHUNKY CAT BARF Categories: Vegetarian, Main dish Yield: 6 servings 1 lg Spaghetti Squash 8 oz Cottage Cheese 16 oz Mozzarella (grated) 8 oz Parmesan (grated) 1 qt Spaghetti sauce (w/peppers) Cook squash. Fork out insides into a giant casserole dish. Add cottage cheese, half of the mozzarella and parmesan, sauce. Mix it until it looks like it's name. Top with remaining cheese. Bake at 350 for 45 minutes. And for dessert, you can make yummy Cat Poop cookies! http://soar.berkeley.edu/recipes/kids/cat-poop-cookies1.rec :: NEW LINGOSHITE :: A friend who wants to remain anonymous sent me this... NEW WORDS FOR 2000 BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, eats everything, makes a mess and then leaves. CHAINSAW CONSULTANT: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands. CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles. IDEA HAMSTERS: People who always seem to have their idea generators running. MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato. PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. SITCOMs: (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. SQUIRT THE BIRD: To transmit a signal to a satellite. STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. SWIPED OUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use. TOURISTS: People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists. TREEWARE: Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material. XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace. GOING POSTAL: Euphemism for being totally stressed out, for losing it. Makes reference to the unfortunate track record of postal employees who have snapped and gone on shooting rampages. ALPHA GEEK: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard. CHIPS & SALSA: Chips = hardware, Salsa = software. "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa. FLIGHT RISK: Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon. GOOD JOB: A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" Job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again. UNINSTALLED: Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voice-mail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an Uninstalled Vice President. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance. *(Syn: decruitment.) VULCAN NERVE PINCH: The taxing hand position required to reach all the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the arm reboot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control key, the Command Key, the Return Key, and the Power On key. YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS: The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal, "We each owe $8, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps." SALMON DAY - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to die in the end. CLM - Career Limiting Move - Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM. ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. DILBERTED- To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week." 404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located."Don't bother asking him ... he's 404, man." GENERICA- Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions. Used as in "We were so lost in generica that I forgot what city we were in." OHNOSECOND- That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. UMFRIEND- A sexual relation of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in "This is Dyan, my ... um ... friend." :: THOMAS THE TANK THEFT :: Another friend sent this to me because my youngest son is a Thomas The Tank Engine fanatic. Thieves Steam Off With Thomas the Tank Engine LONDON (Reuters) - Staff at a leisure park watched when several men loaded a four-ton railway engine on to a truck, thinking it was being taken away for maintenance. They even waved goodbye to the men and the engine a replica of the children's storybook character, Thomas the Tank Engine. Later it dawned on the staff that they had been the victims of a robbery. "I cannot believe the nerve of these people," James Warnock manager of Crossford Country Park near Lanark in Scotland, told the Times newspaper Tuesday. "They must have stolen it to order because it is specially designed for taking children around this park." The 15,000 pound ($24,570) engine was uninsured. :: mIRCSHITE :: I read a piece on line somewhere about mIRC Co. Ltd. announcing that after almost 6 years, 2 billion connections to various IRC servers and 2 million downloads, they were please to reach the milestone of the 10th official Registration of mIRC!!! woohoo! The company was pleased to finally reach the grand double-digits. Apparently the person who registered it, one Ronnie47, is a real newbie having only been using mIRC for a few weeks at the time. He was under the impression that registration ws mandatory! So one credit card and $20 later, mIRC reached their milestone. That is pretty sad though. Only 10 people have registered what is probably the most popular IRC client in the world? Almost makes me want to go and register my copy...almost. :: ONE BILLION PAGES AND COUNTING :: According Inktomi (the search engine people) and the NEC Research Institute (whoever the hell they are) the web has reached one billion pages (but only 20 of them are useful). Other interesting (or boring depending on your point of view) numbers include the total number of server being 6,409,521 and of those 60% are using Apache Web server software. Yahoo has the most people linking to it from other sites at 751,974 links pointing to them. And 87% of the pages are in English (not to be confused with American ). So basically this means 1 out every 6 people on the planet now have a web page. For evem more info check out http://www.inktomi.com/webmap/ :: WHURL-A-URL :: Yes, it's back! That exciting almost game-show game WHURL-A-URL!!! For those of you too young to remember the original version of this game it goes like this: I give you, the best reading audience in the whole damn world, a list of six URL (web addresses for the uninitiated) and all but one of the six are fake (at least they are at the time of writing). Your job is to be the first person to send an email to v_d@iname.com identifying the *real* URL and you win some incredibly stupid prize. This week's incredibly stupid prize is a scan of the star tattoo I have on my left arm - woohoo!!! Imagine what you can do with that baby!!!! Uh yeah, whatever... So below are the URL's - good luck - on your mark, get set, get ready, who want to be a mill - er, uh, let's WHURL-A-URL!!! Which URL below is real??????????? http://www.morbus_ate_my_baby.com http://www.cola_wars_suck.com http://www.colabloodyhell.com http://www.pepsibloodbath.com http://www.pepsibites.com http://www.viewer~discretion.com First correct response, based on email time stamp, wins the incredibly stupid prize!!! :: ETC :: If you have something you'd like to see in VD or an idea for a section you'd like to write or whatever, type it up and send it in a note to v_d@iname.com or don't. Next issue February 15/00 __ _______________ _ ___________________ _ _____________________ __ __ _________________ _ ___________________ _ ___________________ __ __ ___________________ _ ___________________ _ _________________ __ Morbus made me put this here cos he's annoying... Viewer Discretion and its back issues are available at: http://www.disobey.com/text/ Viewer Discretion, VD, its content are. <-Zen style copyright, uh yeah. Copyright 1998-2000 Neil MacKay <-Legal style copyright, uh huh. Publication by Disobey. http://www.disobey.com/ TO SUBSCRIBE: majordomo@disobey.com BODY: Subscribe ViewerDiscretion TO UNSUBSCRIBE: majordomo@disobey.com BODY: Unsubscribe ViewerDiscretion ...whatever...dogs bark...but the caravan moves on. __ ___________________ _ ___________________ _ _________________ __ __ _________________ _ ___________________ _ ___________________ __ __ _______________ _ ___________________ _ _____________________ __