__ __ \ \ /_/i e w e r issue 1 vol. 2 Aug. 3/99 \ \/| |i s c r e t i o n ISSN 1481-2266 \__| |/ v_d@iname.com | _ |/ archived at disobey.com |___|/ http://www.disobey.com/text/ __ __________________ _ __________________ _ _________________ __ __ ________________ _ __________________ _ ___________________ __ __ ______________ _ __________________ _ _____________________ __ T h e r e a r e 1 5 0 d a y s r e m a i n i n g . . . In this issue: WELCOME QUOTABLE MORE QUOTABLES - SUBMITTED BY ANDREW S. MILLER THRU THE FILM GATE - BY ANTI-PRESS STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES - SUBMITTED BY ANTI-PRESS RIPPING OFF CHICO ANAGRAMSHITE ETC :: WELCOME :: Welcome to the "Sasha turns 3 today" issue. Really. My youngest boy is now 3...but he has the attitude of 16 year old . Overdosed on really sweet cake, pop and pizza at a little get together for him on the weekend. The food contained all Morbus' basic food groups. This issue also marks, you may have noticed, a return to issue #1 but the Vol. # has changed to 2. That means I've been vomiting this shite out to you for a year now - it only seems longer. Thanks to all who have contributed and read all year long. I'd list people by name to thank but I'd inevitably forget someone and have them bitching endlessly so a blanket thank-you will have to do. I found those comments by Paull I mentioned last issue. They were regarding a discussion he & I had about a possible piece for another publication (TAF) about the racism & shit in the latest Star Wars (note the original proposal took place before Paul had seen the movie) After seeing the movie he had the following to say: "I don't see why I would devote any attention to a crypto-supremacist shit-head like Lucas. He can kiss my ass with his subliminal hate messages. That is all I finally feel like saying about the galactic jack-ass." In other news...when I asked Andrew Miller if he would mind if I included some of his Quotes from his bi-weekly list (contact amiller@teleport.com if interested in subscribing) in a VD column, he had this to say: "Hell no, feel free. After all, they're not MY quotes, eh? Actually, I'm surprised that some literary form of ASCAP doesn't try to crack down on people using quotes... "Dude. I need my fix. Hit me up with a quote! Some Twain or Wilde piece." Or for the rich, they dabble in quotework for the sheer appearance of knowledge it sheds. Well hum! You know what Sir Winston Churchill said about that! and they dispense with the knowledge as do so many asses at an ex-lax convention. But all they while, you ask them "Do you understand the meaning of what you just said," and in their eyes you see only a VACANT : FOR SALE" sign. Ye gods. Forgive me. I've been hanging around dunderheads lately." Uh, I still haven't come up with a reply to that one...but thanks for the quotes. He even includes a quote by one Joe Tomorrow (a close personal friend). Big deal I know but I had to say something. And in still other important news, everyone should send nice get well soon emails to Morbus (morbus@disobey.com). Seems he did a Jimmy Hoffa out of a moving vehicle and ended up as a walking, talking piece of road rash. Really. Ask him. Hopefully if enough people plead with him he'll post pictures of his gaping head wound. Yeah! Get Well Soon, Little Buddy.... And in still even other important news... Jennifer Tilly (Bound) has joined Burt Reynolds, Richard Dreyfuss, Carrie-Anne Moss (The Matrix), Jeremy Piven (Cupid), and Dan Hedaya (Dick) in the mob comedy THE CREW. She'll also soon begin work on the horror sequel SEED OF CHUCKY. Why am I telling you this? Well, 'cause A)I really like Jennifer Tilly and B)if I can scoup Morbus' DNN feature on a horror movie announcement then I know it's going to be a good day... That Jennifer Tilly announcement was stolen, without permission, from Zentertainment, who can be found at: http://www.ZENtertainment.com Anyways, on with Vol. 2 - let's forge ahead into the Brave New Wor - fuck it. Enjoy it or don't, here it is. :: QUOTABLE :: "The Hungarian dubbing on the first films was really bad. Darth Vader had a woman's voice." -The Toronto Star - Sat. July 24th :: MORE QUOTABLES - SUBMITTED BY ANDREW S. MILLER :: *** Freedom *** "My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular." -Adlai Stevenson "The most certain test by which we judge whether a country is free is the amount of security enjoyed by minorities." -Lord Acton, 1877 "The natural progress of things is for liberty to yield and government to gain ground." -Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826) (Men fight for freedom; then they begin to accumulate laws to take it away from themselves.) "We cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it a home." -Edward R. Murrow "Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it." -George Bernard Shaw "Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half." -Gore Vidal *** Potpourri *** Mr. Burns: "A lifetime of working in a nuclear power plants has given me a healthy green glow and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner." >From "The Simpsons" (1989) I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast any time." So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance. -Steven Wright "Next week they're going to auction off an original boarding pass to the Titanic. I've got one of those, it's my contract with CBS." -David Letterman "My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping." -Rita Rudner "I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants." -A. Whitney Brown "Psychoanalysis makes quite simple people feel they're complex." -S. N. Behrman "As you grow older you do one of two things; grow up or fuck up." -Joe Tomorrow * * * * * >From "The Simpsons" Marge finds Bart getting a tattoo and yanks him out of the shop. Bart's incomplete tattoo reads, ``Moth.'' The doctor says that he can remove the tattoo with lasers, but he insists on a cash payment up front. Marge notes, ``Thank God for Homer's Christmas bonus.'' The laser does its work. At home, Bart's arm is bandaged. Lisa: [touches Bart's injured arm] Bart: Ow! Quit it. Lisa: [touches Bart's injured arm] Bart: Ow! Quit it. Lisa: [touches Bart's injured arm] Bart: Ow! Quit it. Maggie: [touches Bart's injured arm] Bart: Ow! Quit it. Homer: [comes in] Hey, what's with this? [touches Bart's injured arm] Bart: Ow! Quit it. -`Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire'' * * * Bad People * * * "Mankind is composed of two sorts of men -- those who love and create, and those who hate and destroy." -Jose Marti, "Letter to a Cuban farmer," 1893 "The real danger of the Internet is seduction of the arrogantly ignorant." -Andrew Vachss, Jan 1997 In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that He did not also limit his stupidity. -Konrad Adenauer *** Misteaks *** "The fellow who never makes a mistake takes his orders from one who does." -Herbert V. Prochnow "Wise men learn by other men's mistakes, fools by their own." -H. G. Bohm "We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made." -Dan Quayle AND Actual Mistake Quotes::: "We need laws that protect everyone. Men and women, straights and gays, regardless of sexual perversion...ah, persuasion." -Bella Abzug, New York politician (address a rally for the Equal Rights Amendment) "For seven and half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex...uh...setbacks." -President George Bush (stated when Vice President) "[I ask you to] work together with me for a better life for oil... I mean all." -Senator Henry Jackson, campaigning in 1976 "The United Sates has much to offer the third world war." -President Ronald Reagan (state in a speech on what the US has to offer the Third World. He repeated this error nine times in the same speech.) "My fellow Americans. I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes." -President Ronald Reagan (famous mic check just before he was going to make a radio broadcast.) * * * Yeah, that's just great. . . * * * "During the bad times, I learned who was loyal and who wasn't. I believe in an eye for an eye. A couple of people who betrayed me need my help now, and I am screwing them against the wall! I am doing a number... and I'm having so much fun." -Donald Trump, commenting on the turn around of his real estate empire following the recession of the early 1990's. *** Joy *** Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with. -Mark Twain *** TV *** "I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence, There's a knob called brightness, but it doesn't work." -Eugene Gallagher "It's not our fault our generation has short attention spans, Dad. We watch an appalling amount of TV." -Lisa Simpson "It's just hard not to listen to TV: it's spent so much more time raising us than you have." -Bart Simpson *** problems *** "Realize that if you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it." -Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book *** Facts *** "Get you facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please." -Mark Twain "Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." -Aldous Huxley AND MORE STUPID QUOTES!!!!! ****************************** "A hospital is no place to be sick." -movie mogul Sam Goldwyn "I think space exploration is very important. I think there is very intelligent life on Mars. I believe that Martians are spying on us from the bottom of the ocean." -actress Annabella Sciorra on her part in the NBC sci-fi miniseries 'Astronome' "640K ought to be enough for anybody." -Microsoft head Bill Gates, in 1981 "It's a very good historical book about history." - frmr. vice president Dan Quayle, about Paul Johnson's 'Modern Times' Because of our taping schedule, this show will take place three weeks after you see it." -sportscaster Don Gillis "In case of fire, evacuate building. Do not use stairways. Do not use elevators." -sign by elevator in Boston's Federal Reserve Bank Building Phil Rizzuto (in a car with Yogi Berra, driving to a banquet): Yogi, we're lost. Yogi Berra: Yeah, but we're making good time. "Speaking of animals, he married his wife, Suzanne, when he was in college." -Mike Leavitt, gov. of Utah, introducing Senator Larry Craig (he later apologized for the gaffe). "The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable." -sign in a Bucharest hotel lobby. Lawyer: What is your date of birth? Defendant: July fifteenth. Lawyer: Every year? -actual testimony from court records *On Miss America Contestants, Intellectuality of:* Q: Who is your favorite author? Miss Delaware: Steven Spielberg -on-stage at the 1987 Miss America pagent "They say you have to stop eating when he does. But what if he's having a snack and you're starving? Do you have to eat fast?" -Charles Barkley, member of U.S. Olympic basketball team, on being introduced to Prince Rainier of Monaco "This is neither on the record, nor off the record." -Anthony Bradenthaler, organizer of Oregon's centennial celebration in 1959, to a reporter :: THRU THE FILM GATE - BY ANTI-PRESS :: Movie Review By Anti-Press (C) Copyright 1999 Anti-Press _JACK BE NIMBLE_ (1993) (New Zealand) We were in a bad mood when we plugged this tape into our VCR. One strike against this movie. Then we had to sit thru some lame trailers for other direct-to-video, produced-in-Kiwi-land movies, the usual sex thrillers and softcore supernatural stuff, _Basic Instinct_ knock-offs, whatever. Second strike. A bad mood and lowered expectations. The only reason why we were watching this obscure movie was due to a friend's recommendation. We thought our viewing time would be spent making snide comments like the crew on _Mystery Science Theater 3000_ . All part of our positive "anti" personality. _Jack Be Nimble_ passed our acid test. Sure, a couple of times it lent itself to humorous comments, but this bizarre psychological horror movie skirted on the fringes of the ridiculous without us being choked by our suspension of disbelief. Nutshell: a disturbed young man searches for salvation thru his long- lost sister. A mother flips out, abandons her preschool son and daughter. The two kids, Jack and Dora, are put up for adoption by their uncaring father and are soon separated. Jack grows up on a farm with a cruel couple with four creepy daughters. Dora is placed in a middle class home, a more comfortable family situation than her brother, but at school she is an outsider among her classmates. She becomes a shy teenager, possessing some quality that makes her the target of insults and the victim of ostracization. Maybe it's her sensitivity... Meanwhile Jack is treated by his adoptive parents as if he's another farm animal, put on this earth to serve them. In fact, one vicious scene shows Jack being treated worse than a farm animal. Rage builds up within him but he holds on, never losing hope of seeing his sister, Dora, again. One day Dora fights back against her tormenters and she is pushed from a height by a classmate, suffering a concussion from the fall. This accident brings out her latent psychic powers. Through her we become aware of a "psychic underground", i.e. there are rare individuals with psychic powers who live secretly among us and sometimes they meet through their telepathic abilities. In contrast to Dora, Jack finds his own unusual talent by working with his hands on a special invention. One evening Jack can no longer tolerate the cruelty of his adoptive family. He calmly brings out a large metal box and places it in the middle of the dinner table. Here we go, we thought. Jack is gonna pull out some sort of weird mechanical device from that box like Freddy Krueger's claw or the flying killer sphere from _Phantasm_ and he'll hack away and the movie will nothing more than hack-work. We were wrong. At this point the movie hooked us, despite our bad mood. So what's in the box? And how does Jack's story intertwine with Dora's? Hey, no more spoilers from us. What we like about _Jack Be Nimble_ is how it seems to be two separate stories that could have been made into two different movies. But the storyline does a masterful job of bringing the two forks in the plot back together. The performances by Alexis Arquette as Jack and Sarah Smuts-Kennedy as Dora are impressive. Not one false note, even though certain intense scenes could have degenerated into soap opera hysterics. Also impressive is the cinematography, scenes of light-at-play, for example, young Jack watching sunrays flashing thru the trees while riding in a car. At first this cinematic awareness of light seems to be intended only to add to the bizarre mood of the movie but actually it serves to develop a important motif. Add music that underscores, doesn't overpower the drama, and you have one great movie, albeit a weird and disturbing one. So pass up the latest mainstream crap and search out this obscure gem. Don't sit thru _Lake Placid_ and its unfunny, predictable script by David Kelly, a story that screams "All thumbs" compared to this film's nimble screenplay. Anyway, why bother with another killer critter in the water? You'll find more true horror when you see what's in Jack's metal box... :: STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES - SUBMITTED BY ANTI-PRESS :: Here's a little item gleaned from the regional news rag. One of those "it could only happen here in God's Country". To paraphrase: "A local man was seriously injured when his car hit a culvert and overturned. He told state police he was distracted by a cornfield on the side of the road." Usually it's a deer or a cat or even a moose-- but a _cornfield_ causing a car accident? Think about it, won't you? -This is where I'm supposed to put some witty comment but I can't think of what the literary equivalent of cornfield would be to distract you with...(-Ed) :: RIPPING OFF CHICO :: If you don't know who Chico is, ask Morbus. Anyways what I'm ripping off is Chico's Junkfood of the week column. See, I was shopping at one of those huge assed super stores and found a 3lb (no metric A-P) bag of Smarties. Yes you read that right - a right 3LB BAG OF SMARTIES!!! Now we're talking all the basic food groups covered with this baby - the red group, the green group, the blue group, the yellow group, etc.. Now it's just a matter of keeping it hid from the kiddies :: ANAGRAMSHITE :: I stumbled across this great anagram server (http://www.AnagramGenius.com/server.html). So I submitted Viewer Discretion to be, uh, anagramiphied. And below is the result. Here is the result of your request. To learn about the Anagram Genius software, visit http://www.genius2000.com/ag.html Rearranging the letters of 'Viewer Discretion' gives: To screwier divine. I've corniest weird. Weirdo in vertices. Is not weirder vice. Overwrite indices. Twice. Re-diversion. In divorcee writes. Is directive owner. Swore in directive. 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The following are the 10 longest words made using some of the letters: core-resident interviewers directories interviewed re-diversion reconverted interviewer redirection converters directions Anagrams created with the ** Anagram Genius ** software (available for your Windows or MacOS computer) Full details from: http://www.genius2000.com/ag.html Email: genius2000@genius2000.com :: ETC :: You can catch VD. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. If you want VD delivered to your mailbox, send an empty email to: v_d-subscribe@makelist.com Conversely, if you don't want VD, figure it out (it has something to do with empty mail and v_d-unsubscribe@makelist.com - duh). If you have something you'd like to see in VD or an idea for a section you'd like to write or whatever, type it up and send it in a note to v_d@iname.com or don't. Next issue August 17/99 __ _______________ _ ___________________ _ _____________________ __ __ _________________ _ ___________________ _ ___________________ __ __ ___________________ _ ___________________ _ _________________ __ Morbus made me put this here cos he's a "visionary"... Viewer Discretion and its back issues are available at: http://www.disobey.com/text/ Viewer Discretion, VD, its content are. <-Zen style copyright, uh yeah. Copyright 1998-2000 Neil MacKay <-Legal style copyright, uh huh. Publication by Disobey. http://www.disobey.com/ TO SUBSCRIBE: majordomo@disobey.com BODY: Subscribe ViewerDiscretion TO UNSUBSCRIBE: majordomo@disobey.com BODY: Unsubscribe ViewerDiscretion ...whatever...dogs bark...but the caravan moves on. __ ___________________ _ ___________________ _ _________________ __ __ _________________ _ ___________________ _ ___________________ __ __ _______________ _ ___________________ _ _____________________ __