__ __ \ \ /_/i e w e r issue 23 vol. 1 June 22/99 \ \/| |i s c r e t i o n ISSN 1481-2266 \__| |/ v_d@iname.com | _ |/ archived at disobey.com |___|/ http://www.disobey.com/text/ __ __________________ _ __________________ _ _________________ __ __ ________________ _ __________________ _ ___________________ __ __ ______________ _ __________________ _ _____________________ __ T h e r e a r e 1 9 2 d a y s r e m a i n i n g . . . In this issue: WELCOME QUOTABLE HORROR BY JOHN TREACY HORROR BY HUMANS TRYING TO KILL JESUS! SUBMITTED VIA -WORMZ- MAILING LIST ETC :: WELCOME :: Welcome to the "all over the map" issue. Well, after a much needed break, after dealing with children's bouts of tonsillitis, eye infections and chickenpox - all within 48 hours of each other, VD is back spewing forth the shite we spew just for you. Uh huh. Not a lot happening around now that 2 out of 3 kiddies have left for a 3 night/4 day trip to a horse ranch. It's actually quite quiet around here... I heard that Stephen King had one of his novels happen to him. Kathy Bates ran him over in a truck that had a mind of its own with a rabid dog inside. A-P thinks we should start a collection to pay his hospital bills seeing as he only got a couple of million for his last advance... Morbus, in his ever expanding Disobey World Domination plans, has managed to somehow weasel his way into Time magazine. One of his Disobey projects, NetSlaves is featured on page 47 of the latest issue... I wonder who he slept with to get that... Mail from the last non-issue includes these words from Goatboy about the hiddenstupidsecret message: > > eGroups Spotlight: > > "The Eyepatch Wearers Mailing List" - Talk to others who > > either wear eyepatches or find them attractive. > > http://clickhere.egroups.com/click/111 > > The internet really sucks for stupidity. Yup. It's true. The Internet is the old infinite number of monkeys and typewriters theory proved wrong...big time. Just look at VD... And AFeX had this to say: > You bastard! Bite me. And in even older mail Angie had this to say about Goatboy's phallic veggie story a couple of issues ago: > GOATBOY GOT A STRAP-ON!!! > > *ksnort* > > makes me wanna strap on my own and stroke my power trip And she likes to wear stiletto heels and walk on guy's genitals too. Really. There's a video of her doing it online somewhere...I mean that was you Ang wasn't it? Isn't it cool when women *ksnort*? In other news - Dallas Stars won a hollow victory. Boo. Hiss. The NHL blew it big time. Buffalo was robbed. Anyways, here comes some more VD shite - do with it what ye shall... :: QUOTABLE :: "It's a sad reality that the smell human beings produce when they are burned is the same as that of the dried squid when it is grilled." -Mr. Hiroshi Sawachika - Hiroshima survivor "JAMES: And you had sex with all of these men in cars? Only in cars? HELEN: Yes. I didn't plan it that way. JAMES: And did you fantasize that Vaughan was photographing all these sex acts? As though they were traffic accidents? HELEN: Yes. (laughs) They felt like traffic accidents." -excerpt from the screenplay of Crash by David Cronenberg :: HORROR BY JOHN TREACY :: Vampires ** Year: 1998 Rated: R Runtime: 107 minutes Directed by John Carpenter Written by Don Jakoby Production Company: Tri Star Body Count: Unconfirmed (40+) James Woods as Jack Crow Daniel Baldwin as Montoya Sheryl Lee as Katrina Thomas Ian Griffith as Valek "They Suck" I suppose I should start this review talking about John Carpenter and his legendary status and "Halloween" and how it (bullshit) was ruined (Bullshit) by it's sequels (BULLSHIT). And how he introduced Jamie Lee Curtis to the world (and I care because... ). But I'm not. John Carpenter has directed some good films and some bad ones but it makes me sick to hold him up as this template for genre directors. He directed the scariest film ever but it's been downhill from there. Not straight down but there will never be another "Halloween." Y'know what really sucks, I just did EXACTLY what I didn't want to do... and I'm not erasing it. "Vampires" a.k.a. "From Dusk 'Till Dawn-John Carpenters' everybody on the dance floor mix" is a pretty sucky movie. Especially considering it's a major studio project. I suppose it's on a different level of suck as say "Cthulu Mansion" but it sucks never-the-less (yes it sucks less than Cthulu Mansion asshead, it's a figure of speech). One could say that "From Dusk 'Till Dawn" was highly derivative of John Steakley's book "Vampire$" from which "Vampires" was based and so the movie of the book can't be a rip off of the movie which already ripped off the book. But in the reference-pointless world of movies where the only thing I can remember about yesterday is "...the ball is blue..." "Vampires" is nothing more than "From Dusk 'Till Dawn" with all the fun and pretty much all the enjoyment sucked out of it. Sure there were the religious overtones of the church and it's.... wait those were in "From Dusk 'Till Dawn" too, except Quentin Tarintino explored religion on a much more personal and deep level with the help of Harvey Kitel. Well, what about that badass James Woods as Jack Crow... Jack Crow wasn't nearly as cool as George Clooney's Seth Gecko. Sure, Jack was meaner but in a real large-type asshole sense, there was nothing cool or even interesting about him. Yeah, but the Vampires kicked ass, right... no not really, they looked EXACTLY like what Jack Crow said they wouldn't be. Y'know, the popular "...Euro-trash... fags..." line. Well, they we're just that. Well, what about that body count, huh! 50 dead guys, that's gotta count for something. Well, ok ya got me there the best parts of the whole movie were its multiple massacre scenes (like the one in from dusk 'till dawn only not as creative, but there were three of them). They were too blurred and hazy though, you couldn't get a decent body count if you watched the whole movie in slow mo. So even those had something wrong with them. Then the isolated incidents of violence were so shitty, the effects in those scenes sucked, the exploding vampires and the assorted mangling. However, the WORST chain of events in the whole movie was the biting and healing of Stephen Balwin. Christ, that shunck the hooker bit outta his neck looked like a big paint chip and then his 'sealing' of the wound with the hot gun barrel would have been ok, if the gun barrel wasn't 5 feet away from the wound!!! I was NOT impressed KNB you guys usually do such a good job, like on "From 'Dusk Till Dawn." Two members of Jack's team are action film anti-heroes. Chico (Thomas Rosales) from "Running Man" who thought his security band was deactivated and paid the price of an exploding head. Who could forget Arnold crying out "Chico! Chico! Noooooooooooooooooooo..!" as Chico ran his fat ass into certain death. And 'El Scorpio' (Henry Kingi) from "Predator 2." He was the coke-fiend gang leader at the beginning who opened that golden Buddha Brady bunch idol thing full of pure uncut and took a gigantic sniff, exclaiming, "Come'n get it... the Scorpio is redeeeeeee!" He wound up falling off a building and exploding into a mass of blood and bile. Not a genre moment, but THATS entertainment! Better than this movie. :: HORROR BY HUMANS :: This section is from the document '/obi/book/Hiroshima.Survivors/2'. Found a long time ago on alt.activism.soc.culture.japan 90/07/30 10:35:14 SYSOP HIROSHIMA_WITNESS_No.1-1 The first atomic bomb actually used in war time was dropped on Hiroshima on August 6, 1945 killing 130,000 to 150,000 people by the end of the year. Those who survived the bombing are rapidly ageing now at struggling for many years. The Hiroshima Peace and Culture Foundation has decided the new video tape, the testimony of 108 bomb victims to commemorate the International Peace Year 1986 to record the precious experiences of these survivors to be handed down to the future generations. Mr. Hiroshi Sawachika was 28 years old when the bomb was dropped. He was an army doctor stationed at the army headquarters in Ujina. When he was exposed, he was inside the building at the headquarters, 4.1 km from the hypocenter. Being rather far from the hypocenter, he was not seriously injured. Afterwards, he was very busy getting medical treatment to the survivors. MR. SAWACHIKA: I was in my office. I had just entered the room and said "Good morning." to colleagues and I was about to approach my desk when outside it suddenly turned bright red. I felt very hot on my cheeks. Being the chief of the room, I shouted to the young men and women in the room that they should evacuate. As soon as I cried, I felt weightless as if I were an astronaut. I was then unconscious for 20 or 30 seconds. When I came to, I realized that everybody including myself was lying at one side of the room. Nobody was standing. The desks and chairs had also blown off to one side. At the windows, there was no window glass and the window frames had been blown out as well. I went to the windows to find out where the bombing had taken place. And I saw the mushroom cloud over the gas company. The sound and shock somehow suggested that the bomb had been dropped right over the gas company. I still had no idea what had happened. And I kept looking towards the gas company. After a while, I realized that my white shirt was red all over. I thought it was funny because I was not injured at all. I looked around and then realized that the girl lying near by was heavily injured, with lots of broken glass stuck all over her body. Her blood had splashed and made stains on my shirt. In a few minutes, I heard my name called. I was told to go to the headquarters where there were lots of injured persons waiting. I went there and I started to give treatment with the help of nurses and medical course men. We first treated the office personnel for their injuries. Most of them had broken glass and pieces of wood stuck into them. We treated them one after another. Afterwards, we heard the strange noise. It sounded as if a large flock of mosquitoes were coming from a distance. We looked out of the window to find out what was happening. We saw that citizens from the town were marching towards us. They looked unusual. We understood that the injured citizens were coming towards us for treatment. But while, we thought that there should be Red Cross Hospitals and another big hospitals in the center of the town. So why should they come here, I wondered, instead of going there. At that time, I did not know that the center of the town had been so heavily damaged. After a while, with the guide of the hospital personnel, the injured persons reached our headquarters. With lots of injured people arriving, we realized just how serious the matter was. We decided that we should treat them also. Soon afterwards, we learned that many of them had been badly burned. As they came to us, they held their hands aloft. They looked like they were ghosts. We made the tincture for that treatment by mixing edible peanut oil and something. We had to work in a mechanical manner in order to treat so many patients. We provided one room for the heavily injured and another for the slightly injured. A treatment was limited to the first aid because there were no facilities for the patients to be hospitalized. Later on, when I felt that I could leave the work to other staff for a moment, I walked out of the treatment room and went into the another room to see what had happened. When I stepped inside, I found the room filled with the smell that was quite similar to the smell of dried squid when it has been grilled. The smell was quite strong. It's a sad reality that the smell human beings produce when they are burned is the same as that of the dried squid when it is grilled. The squid - we like so much to eat. It was a strange feeling, a feeling that I had never had before. I can still remember that smell quite clearly. Afterwards, I came back to the treatment room and walked through the rows of people who were either seriously injured or waiting to be treated. When I felt someone touch my leg, it was a pregnant woman. She said that she was about to die in a few hours. She said, "I know that I am going to die. But I can feel that my baby is moving inside. It wants to get out of the womb. I don't mind if I had died. But if the baby is delivered now, it does not have to die with me. Please help my baby live." There were no obstetricians there. There was no delivery room. There was no time to take care of her baby. All I could do was to tell her that I would come back later when everything was ready for her and her baby. Thus I cheered her up and she looks so happy. But I have to return to the treatment work. So I resumed to work taking care of the injured one by one. There were so many patients. I felt as if I was fighting against the limited time. It was late in the afternoon towards the evening. And image of that pregnant woman never left my mind. Later, I went to the place where I had found her before, she was still there lying in the same place. I patted her on the shoulder, but she said nothing. The person lying next to her said that a short while ago, she had become silent. I still recalled this incident partly because I was not able to fulfil the last wish of this dying young woman. I also remember her because I had a chance to talk with her however short it was. INTERVIEWER: How many patients did you treat on August 6? ANSWER: Well, at least 2 or 3 thousands on that very day if you include those patients whom I gave all directions to. I felt that as if once that day started, it never ended. I had to keep on and on treating the patients forever. It was the longest day of my life. Later on, when I had time to reflect on that day, I came to realize that we, doctors learned a lot through the experience, through the suffering of all those people. It's true that the lack of medical knowledge, medical facilities, integrated organization and so on prevented us from giving sufficient medical treatment. Still there was a lot for us, medical doctors to learn on that day. I learned that the nuclear weapons which gnaw the minds and bodies of human beings should never be used. Even the slightest idea using nuclear arms should be completely exterminated in the minds of human beings. Otherwise, we will repeat the same tragedy. And we will never stop being ashamed of ourselves. :: TRYING TO KILL JESUS! :: This was sent to me from Patrick via the -wormz- mailing list and I thought it was suitable to pass on to y'all. --- Scientific Journal of Pharmacy- Vol 5:6 A scientific breakthrough in the treatment of schizophrenia has caused outrage in the church community. Sanizac(tm) from Pfizer Ltd, responsible for the anti-impotence pill Viagra, has been used in medical trials over the last 18 months for the treatment of mental illnesses. Although the results were not the success that was predicted an amazing side effect was found that could have amazing repercussions. "We have a situation here that could lead to a cultural change as significant as when Darwin's infamous 'Origin of the Species' was published." Claimed a spokesman for Pfizer Pharmaceuticals. During a drug trial, healthy volunteers take the treatments under strict supervision which enables pharmacists to monitor any adverse side effects. It was noticed by a processing clerk that some of the volunteers seemed to have a 'crisis of faith' during the trial and afterwards claimed that they did not believe in God any more. The trial was repeated and it was found to have an 87% success rate in males and a 91% success rate in females. All other instances lead to severe doubts about their faith and they considered themselves 'agnostics' "We are not totally surprised by this discovery." Claimed leading pharmacist Donald Rowan. "The similarities between faith and mental illness are tenuous, but they are there." It was this comment that sparked outrage amongst church leaders. "You cannot equate a belief in God with that of an insane fool who hears voices in his head!" Stated Father Terrance who lost several members of his congregation due to the drug trial. Father Terrance is leading a campaign to ban the drug on the grounds of 'Right to Religious freedom!" The drug has been given varying responses by the public. "It's evil! It's like trying to kill Jesus! Jesus loves you, why can't you understand!" Cried a 14 year old girl. "If it will help our only son who was confused into joining a cult, it can only be a good thing." Said the mother of Jamie Yasin, who is fighting to regain her son from 'Jesus in the Stars' cult. "Personally I see it as a shame that some people need a pill to convince them that there is no magical 'sky pixie' in their lives." Said John Baker, self confessed atheist. Sanizac(tm) is due to be available on prescription by late November provided the government grants a licence for this controversial cure. -- I wonder how many preachers would be bitching to keep it off the shelves if it strengthened people's belief in doG? As it stands now I can think of few fundaMENTAList countries they could ship that shit to in large-assed dosages. Come to think of it I know a few relatives that could benefit from a little unbelief... :: ETC :: You can catch VD. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. If you want VD delivered to your mailbox, send an empty email to: v_d-subscribe@makelist.com Conversely, if you don't want VD, figure it out. If you have something you'd like to see in VD or an idea for a section you'd like to write or whatever, type it up and send it in a note to v_d@iname.com or don't. Viewer Discretion is archived exclusively at Low Bandwidth - http://www.disobey.com/low/listings/viewer_discretion.htm Because Morbus is the only person I know who can type while peeling a banana with his toes. Morbus doesn't appear courtesy of Turok 2 Goatboy doesn't appear courtesy of schoolsux.com Next issue July 6/99 __ _______________ _ ___________________ _ _____________________ __ __ _________________ _ ___________________ _ ___________________ __ __ ___________________ _ ___________________ _ _________________ __ Morbus made me put this here cos he's a "visionary"... Viewer Discretion and its back issues are available at: http://www.disobey.com/text/ Viewer Discretion, VD, its content are. <-Zen style copyright, uh yeah. Copyright 1998-2000 Neil MacKay <-Legal style copyright, uh huh. 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