__ __ \ \ /_/i e w e r issue 19 vol. 1 April 13/99 \ \/| |i s c r e t i o n ISSN 1481-2266 \__| |/ v_d@iname.com | _ |/ archived at disobey.com |___|/ http://www.disobey.com/text/ __ __________________ _ __________________ _ _________________ __ __ ________________ _ __________________ _ ___________________ __ __ ______________ _ __________________ _ _____________________ __ T h e r e a r e 2 6 2 d a y s r e m a i n i n g . . . In this issue: WELCOME QUOTABLE NO FRILLS OF OUR LIVES - BY GOATBOY CYBER-GREMLINS TERRORIZE CANADIAN READER! - BY ANTIPRESS THE GREAT "GAS OUT" - FROM INSTAGON MAILING LIST FORWARD THIS TO 50 OF YOUR FRIENDS! - SUBMITTED BY JOHN G. TOP TEN REASONS WHY I HATE TOP TEN LISTS ETC :: WELCOME :: Welcome to the "throbbing what? you say" issue. Man, time flies... I was sitting at my computer doing some html stuff when all of a sudden it hit me that this issue of VD was only hours away from being born into ether and I hadn't written shite yet. So excuse the lack of concrete subject matter in this intro thingy - just attribute it to everything being louder that everything else in the music mix of life... Working on the a new disk image for 12 PC and 12 Mac G3's for the lab here. Talk about schizo...but I will say that Mac's system 8.5.1 kicks serious ass on Windoze 95/98/NT - and I'm a PC (no not politically correct) person. What a nice system. And yeah, as nice as it is, you can ignore the hype (heheh), Mac's crash too. And speaking of music mixes (nice tie in eh?). For anyone into mp3's or even just playing CD's through your computer, check out www.sonique.com for a kickin' free player. Spend some time and check out the multiple interfaces and features of this little gem. I even included it on the aforementioned PC image for the lab. And no, I have no stake in this product - I just like really good products that are also free...there's nothin' like blastin' Nine Inch Nails or Throbbing Gristle through my PC's subwoofer system in the office... Scares the professor types away (no, not you Paul)... Lot's of shite for ya in this issue, including Goatboy's typical goatonian answer to that most annoying question of all: "Are you working hard?" Kick back, turn up the tunes and read the letter shaped pixels and enjoy... :: QUOTABLE :: "I am fart like duck" -Sasha aged 2 :: NO FOOLS OF OUR LIVES - BY GOATBOY:: The sad thing of working for a long time in a grocery store is that the regulars get to see you and decide they want to start a long term friendship with you. I wouldn't mind if these were hot 14 years old girls in kilts, but unfortunately, only weird bizarre people seem to be into socially active circles around here and take their time to share their pathetic and miserable lives with me. I don't care. What's worse is when you are on the subway or on the bus, or just walking downtown, far, far away from where you work, and you bump into these people and they start talking to you. Well, who the fuck are you? This is the guy that shops at no frills every Thursday between 2 and 4 PM, and buys a case of prune juice, while breathing alcohol breath down your face. You know what, ya fucking lush, I don't like you in the store, I don't like you any better here on the bus. Fuck off. While I could probably stand their friendly "hellos" each time they see me, and in fact, there are a few folks which I've got to know and have proven that they have both a social life, behaviour, and can be friendly, there are others were I'd rather mutilate than listen. They say the same joke every time: "Are you working hard?" No, I'm not, I just got a hard on looking at your flabby ass. And if one day you happen to cut a finger and they happen to know, for the rest of your life, each time they see you "Hey! Did you cut all of your fingers off? Hey hey hey!". Here, let me cut your balls off, so I can say "hey hey hey, did you find your balls again?". I'm glad I am Canadian. In Canada guns cannot be bought at a Convenience store. Though sometimes I see myself wishing I was American, walk into a corner store, buy a slushy and a pack of ammo for my .45 and the next time someone cracks a "working hard eh?" put a bullet through their head. :: CYBER-GREMLINS TERRORIZE CANADIAN READER! - BY ANTIPRESS:: Below is an article/explanation that appeared in issue #6 of AntiPress, a kick ass media/social commentary zine that is also archived exclusively at Disobey (www.disobey.com/low/listings/anti-press.htm). It refers to the weird ass shit that was happening to me over the last few weeks and just plain cracked me up... ---- In our last e-dition we announced we would have an article appearing in the new edition of The Annihilation Fountain (www.capnasty.org/taf/). As some of you know the new edition didn't materialize at that Web site. That's because the brave man who maintains that site, Neil MacKay, has been battling evil spirits from the darkest depths of cyberspace! PC poltergeist have been wreaking hell, crashing hard drives, bombing programs, even knocking a framed poster off a wall and shattering glass all over while Neil was sitting in his office, typing email to us. So Anti-Press announces the first cyber-cosmic convergence, scheduled for one minute before midnight, Universal Time, on March 31st. You must log on to the TAF home page and place your hands on your computer screen, thinking good thoughts about Canada-- heavenly maple syrup, majestic mountains, William Shatner, busy beavers, rutting moose, the Expos, polite French Quebecers-- loving psychic vibes to drive out the malevolent microchip meanies from Toronto. You must maintain the vibes until the first quarter of the witching hour is over and a new-- and more appropriate-- day has begun. ----- Well, it seemed to work. Things have been pretty "normal" for a while and the new issue of TAF is online (www.capnasty.org/taf) but I take exception to the William Shatner reference... Couldn't you have, say, included the Toronto Blue Jays instead of Captain Hairpiece? Oh well, it's the thought that counts... :: THE GREAT "GAS OUT" - FROM INSTAGON MAILING LIST :: I had this note sent to me from the Instagon list (instagon@netcom.com) and thought I would do my civic duty and all that shite....(substitute Canadian where ever you read the word American unless you're a Yank then never mind...) ---- It's time we did something about the price of gasoline in America! We are all sick and tired of high prices when there are literally millions of gallons in storage? Know what I found out? If there was just ONE day when no one purchased any gasoline, prices would drop drastically. The so-called oil cartel has decided to slow production by some 2 million barrels per day to drive up the price. I have decided to see how many Americans we can get to NOT BUY ANY GASOLINE on one particular day! Let's have a GAS OUT! Do not buy any gasoline on APRIL 30, 1999!!!!! Buy on Thursday before, or Saturday after. Do not buy any gasoline on FRIDAY, APRIL 30, 1999. Wanna help? Send this message to everyone you know. Ask them to do the same. All we need is a few million to participate in order to make a difference. We CAN make a difference. :: FORWARD THIS TO 50 OF YOUR FRIENDS! - SUBMITTED BY JOHN G. :: A friend of mine forwarded this to me and I just thought the tone fit VD especially well so why not publish it and spread it around to even more people wasting even more bandwidth... ---- Hello, my name is Alfonso Merkin. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, lack of sexual activity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not sending out 50 billion fucking forwards sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them, that a poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with lung cancer brought on by second-hand smoke from the cigarettes smoked by the big bad men who kidnapped her and took pornographic pictures of her for use on their child pornography web site will get 6 fucking cents every time you send me the letter. Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send "his" email to $1000? How fucking stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Victoria's Secret model in the catalogue! What a bunch of bullshit. So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5 AD and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity. Fuck them. If you're going to forward something, at least send something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some "omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity. P.S. Please forward this to at least 50 of your best friends! :: TOP TEN REASONS WHY I HATE TOP TEN LISTS :: 10. They're stupid 9. They're not funny 8. They're stereotypical 7. They use dated material 6. Even Letterman's aren't funny anymore 5. They accomplish nothing 4. They waste bandwidth 3. They are shallow at best 2. They are insulting at worst And the #1 reason WHY I HATE TOP TEN LISTS: 1. They are last refuge of those that have nothing to say Uh, oh yeah, ignore this list too. It's also stupid. :: ETC :: You can catch VD or you can spread VD - your choice. But if you want VD delivered to your mailbox, you have to send an empty email to: v_d-subscribe@makelist.com Conversely, if you don't want VD then send an empty email to: v_d-unsubscribe@makelist.com Pretty simple huh? Well, most of the time for most of the people. If you have something you'd like to see in VD or an idea for a section you'd like to write or whatever, type it up and send it in a note to v_d@iname.com or don't. Viewer Discretion is archived exclusively at Low Bandwidth - http://www.disobey.com/low/listings/viewer_discretion.htm because Morbus gets personal email from _the_Devil_you_know Morbus appears courtesy of disobey.com Goatboy appears courtesy of capnasty.org Everyone else is just sort of out there on the fringes kickin' back and catching a few golden rays.... Next issue April 27/99 __ _______________ _ ___________________ _ _____________________ __ __ _________________ _ ___________________ _ ___________________ __ __ ___________________ _ ___________________ _ _________________ __ Morbus made me put this here cos he's a "visionary"... Viewer Discretion and its back issues are available at: http://www.disobey.com/text/ Viewer Discretion, VD, its content are. <-Zen style copyright, uh yeah. Copyright 1998-2000 Neil MacKay <-Legal style copyright, uh huh. Publication by Disobey. http://www.disobey.com/ TO SUBSCRIBE: majordomo@disobey.com BODY: Subscribe ViewerDiscretion TO UNSUBSCRIBE: majordomo@disobey.com BODY: Unsubscribe ViewerDiscretion ...whatever...dogs bark...but the caravan moves on. __ ___________________ _ ___________________ _ _________________ __ __ _________________ _ ___________________ _ ___________________ __ __ _______________ _ ___________________ _ _____________________ __