<=============================> < > < ANTI-PRESS EZINE #55 > < > <=============================> "We're Positive About The Negative" This E-dition filed 9/22/05 from NENYland (pronounced nee-nee-land), the northeastern corner of New York State (i.e. the hinterlands). Our Precision Reality Center, located in Plattsburgh -- The Fake City -- features Bull Tracker 9000 with Super Droppler Radar. More details at the end of this E-dition. (C) Copyright 2005 Anti-Press NOTE TO SUBSCRIBERS: If you don't receive an E-dition after some time -- let's say a couple of months -- don't assume that APE has ceased publication because Anti-Press has been put down like a mad dog. Net problems -- usually hamfisted spam filters -- might stop you from getting the latest issue. Check the archives at www.disobey.com to see what you might be missing. Details at the end of this file. ============================== * SMASH! CRASH! Nightlife in Downtown Plattsburgh * Large plate glass windows are an endangered species in downtown Plattsburgh. A couple of weeks ago a corner restaurant had to temporarily replace one of its picture windows with a sheet of plywood. Since then, like a few other businesses, the restaurant has removed the large windows and installed walls with smaller panes. Small = big savings on replacement costs. Say goodbye to having a good view with plenty of light coming in. So what? Well, it's a symptom of what has been going on for too many years in the Fake City. A good word for it would be fortressing. A prime example of fortressing can be found at another corner restaurant, a pizza parlor. It stays open late at night when a lot of drunks come in. This establishment used to have large windows but apparently such expansive plates of glass were just asking to be smashed. Now you go to the pizza parlor and you'll see that not only did it put in smaller windows, it also reinforced its exterior with a high brick wall. Try punching or kicking that when you want to vent. Usually incidents of vandalism jump after the fall session starts up at the college at Plattsburgh University. But not all destructive spoor can be tracked back to roaming P.U. animals; local yokels can also go on their little rampages. For example, there used to be oversized panes fronting the office of the Municipal Lighting Department. To fill in the visual space the MLD put appliances on display, apparently to urge its customers to use more electricity. One time a couple of the boys were window shopping and they wanted a TV set. So they smashed in the window, but not completely from top to bottom. One of them reached in for his prize and a large shard fell, nailing him in the back. The cops had no problem finding the perps. After seeing all the blood left behind, they just went to the hospital ER and inquired if someone had come in with back trouble. When the Air Force base was still operating, downtown would be treated to battles in the streets between squadrons. During one squadron war one wingnut threw another through the front window of a furniture store. Yup, it was a large plate of glass. Apparently these boys didn't realize the stunts you see on TV or in the movies aren't real life. When a screen hero jumps through a window or is thrown through one, special breakaway glass is used. That way our hero gets up without a bloody scratch. As for real life -- in this case, the wingnut propelled through a furniture store window -- he was almost castrated, according to the newspaper account. So as the years roll by -- and downtown rolls with the punches -- pane size will keep shrinking for shop and office facades. Of course, smaller windows can still be targeted. The next thing will be bullet proof glass. Then steels walls with peep holes. At that point the fortressing will be complete. Windows of any size will be dodo. * Letters To Other Editors * > > President Bush should put the nerve gas to the traitors left over from the Clinton Administration. Or so proclaims one letter writer to a local newspaper. His opening paragraph shows a gift for imaginative exposition: "The Iron Triangle was an area in South Vietnam where we could not find the enemy because they were hiding right beneath our feet. In the 1990s the Clintons embedded so many of their own people in the executive branch that these saboteurs are still undermining the current administration five years later." This writer maintains that Bush is the victim of backstabbers; he's really a good president. CIA Director George Tenet, a Clinton appointee, deceived the President with the story of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Most department heads on 9/11 were Clinton appointees. There are so many "Clinton moles" that the government resembles a Viet Cong tunnel complex. The only mistake that Bush made was that he didn't fire all Clinton appointees on the first day of his term. In fact, says the writer, Bush should've rolled "a nerve gas canister into the rat's nest of treasonous scum destroying our republic." * 22.99 * By Stan Spire Mr. Coffee wasn't cutting it. Why go through the bother of buying good beans to have my drip-brew electric toy not give me full flavor? Then there's the hassle of using paper filters, especially when you have to throw out a used one. Wet grounds like to spill out all over the place. I don't need any help with being a slob. Then I remembered: my French press. It's a simple system, a glass beaker with a sliding metal filter attached to a plunger rod. Add some coffee, pour in near boiling water, and put the top in place, pushing the filter down to sit on the surface of the brewing coffee. Wait a few minutes, slowly push the plunger the all the way down, and pour the coffee. The metal filter keeps the grounds in place. Cleaning is easy: just open up the glass container, rinse out and pour the grounds down the sink drain. I hadn't used it in a while. I got out of the routine of having coffee at home when I used to hang around coffeehouses. The drip-brew toy seemed OK when I used the regular canned coffee. But when I switched to better beans, I knew something was missing. So I dug out my French press from a cabinet. It was safely sealed in its original box to keep the dust out. I noticed something before I opened up the box. The original price tag was still stuck on top. The French press was an Xmas present from an ex-girlfriend. I had forgotten about the price tag deliberately left there. That tag summed up the whole relationship. She was the one with the money and I wasn't. That was one of the ways she tried to control me -- that and sex. It's amazing how relationships change over time. When you first meet, she doesn't find any fault with you. In fact, your flaws are all so adorable. "It's cute the way you snore at night. No, your snoring doesn't bother me. It's reassuring that someone is there next to me." Six months later: "You son of a bitch. Your goddamn snoring kept me up all night. Why don't you get an operation? What? You're afraid that it's too dangerous and you might die? Well, you better do something or I'll take a brace and bit and drill a new hole in your block head." That's how things can change. At least I have the French press. After all these years, it still makes a good cup of coffee. ============================== NOTICE: Unless indicated otherwise, all articles by Anti-Press. Articles submitted by others do not necessarily express or reflect the opinions or beliefs of Anti-Press. WHERE WE'RE AT: Anti-Press Ezine radiates from our Precision Reality Center. We're presently entrapped in the alleged city of Plattsburgh, northeastern New York State (NENYland), USA. ("Uh, officer, that hole in my back... uh, it's not from a broken window ... uh, I hurt myself using a garden hoe.") EMAIL: antipress1@yahoo.com or antipress1@aol.com NEW POLICY: WE DO NOT ACCEPT ANY UNSOLICITED ARTICLES. We will accept a letter of comment (LOC) on any topic raised in our ezine. **Maximum Length: 300 words.** Plain text format. If you don't want your email printed, please tell us. To avoid being deleted as spam: Put LOC in the subject heading. E-DITIONS ONLINE: Anti-Press Ezine and its sporadically published issues are available at: http://www.disobey.com/text/ Copyright 1998-2005 Anti-Press Publication by Disobey. http://www.disobey.com/ TO SUBSCRIBE: majordomo@disobey.com BODY: Subscribe APE TO UNSUBSCRIBE: majordomo@disobey.com BODY: Unsubscribe APE