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"We're Positive About The Negative"
A May E-dition
(C) Copyright 2002 Anti-Press All Rights Reserved
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* Meet the New Bogeyman *
Communism.
The ultimate menace. Just invoking that name would strike fear in the
average American. The 1950s. McCarthyism. The black list. The enemy
lurked among us, trying to weaken and destroy our moral fiber with race music
and fluoridated water. That guy next to you -- he looks normal but he could
be one of Them.
But your government will protect you from Communism. Just believe what it
says without question.
A propaganda film sponsored by the government, using cartoon animation to
show Communism spreading over the globe like a red virus. Anyone who fell
under that Redness was instantly transformed into a thought-controlled slave,
following orders without question. Communism is monolithic, transforming all
under its spell into an uber-mind against democracy.
The 1980s. Our mentally-challenged leader, President Ronald Reagan, brings
back the good old days of the 1950s -- by telling his children, the American
public, that the monster is still out there, it's going to get you. But the
truth was that Communism wasn't monolithic; sometimes the Red Chinese and the
Russians would get pissed off at each other. Our morally-challenged leader,
President Richard Nixon, had gone to China, playing that country off Russia.
The so-called "Evil Empire" -- Reagan's pet name for the Soviet Union --
wasn't invincible. The Russian people caused the totalitarian system to fall
apart by allowing decay to set in, the same kind of inner rot that supposedly
threatened the United States. The Russian folk drank, indulging in
alcoholism. They fugged off at work, resulting in low production, ruining
the financial plans of their masters. They, not Ronald Reagan, brought down
the Soviet Union, through passive resistance.
Time passes and America is at the top of the heap. A superpower without
equal. But also a country without a bogeyman to make its citizens fall in
line with its bullshit.
Until 9/11. The 1950s are back again.
Instead of a Red virus spreading over the world, a young girl speaks into the
camera. Faithfully reading the script, she explains how she went to the mall
today, bought a new dress, saw a movie, and then helped some terrorists blow
up some innocent people in another country.
The Message is flashed on the boob tube: STOP TERRORISM. DON'T BUY DRUGS.
Originally the TeeVee spot was supposed to show news footage of the planes
crashing into the World Trade towers. But the government decided that was
stretching the truth too much, tying in those specific horrendous acts with
some pimply-faced kid buying a joint. They decided to run ads that were
murky, not too detailed, to escape criticism.
Hey, we're against terrorism, the killing of innocent people by a political
entity to advance its self-centered cause. But as an American citizen you
can do much more to stop the spread of terrorism around the world than not
buy drugs.
It's simple.
Don't pay your taxes.
* Shuffling and Shilling for Evil *
"Welcome to Verizon - cha-cha-cha."
James Earl Jones dances on our TeeVee screen for a phone company commercial.
If you don't recognize his face, you will his voice. He has been an
announcer for the Cable News Network ("This is CNN.") In the Disney animated
movie the "Lion King" he vocalized the role of King Mufasa.
Also, when we dial the operator for our phone service, James Earl Jones'
deep, distinctive voice greets us. OK, that gig doesn't bother us. But his
TeeVee ads are offensive. There he is, hamming it up, dancing and telling us
what a great bunch of people are behind Verizon. Sure. A great bunch of
bastards.
We ain't a Rockefeller. We have a limited income and try to make ends meet.
Over the years we've had go-arounds with the phone company and its various
incarnations: NYNEX, Bell Atlantic, and now Verizon. We would get behind on
our bill, then receive a threatening note to pay up or else. "THIS IS YOUR
FINAL NOTICE." Really. It's the only notice you send. You don't send us a
warning notice like "Please try to pay your bill; the balance is too high."
No, you just jump out of the dark and try to work us over in the thuggee
tradition.
So we call your office and make a payment arrangement, so much per month,
until we reach a reasonable balance and you get off our backs. It's not like
we personally owe the freakin' national debt, Verizon. You'll get eventually
paid but little items like rent and food have priority.
Of course, those ads with James Earl Jones don't come cheap. He probably
takes top dollar to sell out. We know the charge on our phone bill pays for
more than the maintenance of Verizon's communication service. Most of it is
probably squandered on superfluous public relations agencies, fancy offices,
high-priced lawyers, and overpriced TeeVee commercials. It's interesting
that Verizon needs our money to tell others that they're great humanitarians,
friends of mankind. Why doesn't Verizon spend more on better service? You
know, hiring people who know how to treat customers fairly.
Anyway, during the most recent dust-up, we've been paying the agreed-upon
amount per month and still Verizon sent our name to a collection agency, even
though the payment arrangement was supposed to prevent this. Thanks to our
answering machine we can screen our calls. Lately we've been getting a lot
of hang-ups and we don't think they're all from telemarketers.
Already Verizon has yanked our long distance service. Of course, we hardly
ever use long distance, thanks to email. We went out and got a calling card
for those rare occasions when need long distance service. And there are all
sorts of 800 numbers we can still access. The main reason we need a phone is
to connect to the Net and even then the city library offers public access
computers. Finally, there's the option of signing up with a local phone
company that shouldn't treat us like poor subhuman scum. Verizon: Go Fuck
Thyself.
It's ironical is that James Earl Jones, a black man, is shilling for a
company that treats us and many others as second-class citizens. It is a
color issue, not one of pigmentation, but socioeconomic status: being judged
on the amount of green in your bank account. Verizon is aware of our limited
financial means. We wonder if we were Enron if we would be treated this way.
While Verizon is hassling us for less than $60, the company is probably
turning a blind eye to thousands -- maybe millions -- of dollars in phone
bills owed by major corporations. We would like to review Verizon's billing
records to see how they deal with low-income customers and Big Business
clients. We'll bet the corporations -- which are legal "entities" -- get
better treatment over us real folk.
Dance, James Earl Jones, dance. Act like a big buddy to the TeeVee audience,
telling us how great Verizon is. Don't forget whom you're serving, those
rich shareholders hiding in the shadows, most of them whiteys with blue-blood
coursing in their hearts, cold blue blood. When we pick up the phone and
hear your voice, we think about your most famous voice-role, the "Star Wars"
villain Darth Vader. Vader, representing evil, black on the outside, white
on the inside, every atom corrupted by the Dark Side.
Black and white. Yin and Yang. James Earl Jones, the dancing yin-yang.
* Hey, Doorknob: Get A Doorknob! *
We're sitting outside the Cubbyhole Café, talking with a friend, when three
well-dressed young men walk up and try to sell us a business proposition
called Mormonism.
Religion is like business: you've got a product and you're competing for your
market share. So you send out your sales people to draw in more customers.
We politely told the Mormons that we weren't interested and so they left. We
did wonder why there were three of them since they usually travel in pairs,
not as a trio. Then we realized that the third one was probably a district
manager and the other two were his trainees.
Well, that DM better come up with a better approach to work a new territory.
For example, we were glancing at a book about the wonders of Multi-Level
Marketing, how one can make a million "friends" by getting them involved in a
pyramid scheme. This book stated that there was nothing wrong with a pyramid
structure for an organization; after all, the federal government uses such a
structure, a few people on top serving many below them. Yeah. We all know
how HONEST our government can be, especially with the suckers on the bottom
of the pyramid.
Anyway, the book mentioned how one MLM genius would set up total strangers
for her pitch. She went to a hardware store and purchased a doorknob, brass,
wood, usually a fancy crystal one. She would take it with her wherever she
went, laying it in plain view in a restaurant or on a plane. Of course, an
unsuspecting fish would ask her about it. With a smile she would reply that
the doorknob was to remind her to tell others that the door of opportunity
could open for anyone, especially with her business.
So we hope the next proselytizer who walks up to us puts a doorknob on the
table. You know, something different than the old "Have you thought about
God?" line.
Then, we can pull out our 357 Magnum and lay it right next to his doorknob.
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American Indians after he died on the cross, right? So, did he warn them
about the British soldiers and those blankets? "Hey, pass on the blankets;
they're loaded with smallpox. It's a bio-warfare gag!")
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