The point to remember is that what the government gives, it must first take away.

John S. Coleman

Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it.

Jack Wagner

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

Mark Twain

The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.

Oscar Wilde

The reason lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place is that the same place isn't there the second time.

Willy Tyler

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

Lily Tomlin

It is through depression that I gain elation.

An invented world slowly becomes reality.

The chief enemy of creativity is good taste.

Picasso

If I'm going to have a past, I'd prefer it to be multiple choice.

The Joker

A man who died so that others may live - as though death could beget life.

The kindest acts of the wicked are cruel.

Proverbs 12:10

What really interests me is whether God had any choice in the creation of the world.

Albert Einstein

Sometimes, I'm smarter than myself.

Kevin Hemenway

I saw a sign that said 'Kill your idols' and I thought, 'Suicide is bad'.

Kevin Hemenway

Its inherently difficult to get reliable information about an event that consisted of the destruction of all recorded information.

Demolition workers are the jolliest men in every country.

The Desert Road is a rather new, four-lane highway with a tollbooth at each end - tollbooths in the middle not being necessary because if you get off in the middle, you will die.

We don't talk about planes flying, we talk about them crashing.

I like computers. They give individuals the power to fuck things up.

The sole thing achieved by any privacy laws is to make the bugs smaller.

Robert A. Heinlein Stranger in a Strange Land

I use to think the brain was the most fascinating part of the body, then I thought, look what's telling me that.

A tree cannot find out, as it were, how to blossom until comes blossom time. A social group cannot find out the use of steam engines until comes steam engine time.

Charles Fort

An unclothed man shocks a crowd - a moment later, if nobody is generous with an overcoat, someone is collecting handkerchiefs to knot around him. A naked fact starts a meeting of a scientific study - and whatever it has for loins is soon diapered with conventional explanation.

Charles Fort

Humans are now the most widely available prey species on the planet, and the most likely predator is the virus.

Jim Ostell

The likely communicators will be races of immortals, partly because they have the most time to wait for replies.

Frank Drake

Do not be afraid of what you are about to suffer... Be faithful even to the point of death, and I will give you the crown of life.

Revelations 2:20

All your life, other people will try to take your accomplishments away from you. Don't take it away from yourself.

Michael Chricton The Lost World

You cannot study anything in science without disturbing it. If you study the velocity of a molecule, you change its direction, if you study its direction, you change its velocity.

Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle

Sanity is a sign of uncreativity.

Insanity is defined as doing the same thing or going about the same way and expecting different results.

Amusements to angels, and vermin to God.

Lies, like all petty sins, are unbecoming of great men. Murder and betrayal are more to our liking.

Human beings create more than they use, on average. It had to be so, or we would be an extinct species.

Julian Simon

What is now proved was only once imagined.

William Blake The Marriage of Heaven and Hell

Paranoids are the only ones who notice things anymore.

Anatole Broyard

Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense to the author.

People can be caught in their own infinite loops, each step seeming logical, while the illogic of it all evades them.

When are you going to learn that a t-shirt is not a fashion statement, not a billboard for advertising, nor a forum for your political idealism and is just a swatch of dyed cotton that keeps me warm on cool days and cool on warm days.

The dead have their own sense of humor.

Crow Mystery Science Theatre 3000

Why go to church? God never shows up.

Life is a film. Without one of us, it would be another film.

This is not where happiness sits. Go, keep the toothless whores from licking swine off the riteless fire.

Perhaps there are some things Man was not meant to know. When Man, in his great vanity, meddles with the Unknown, and seeks to pry into the secrets of God, Nature will surely exact a horrible price.

You're just like a lifesaver, pointless.

Kevin Hemenway

Someone who trusts can never be betrayed, only mistaken.

...within the next 5-10 years, it will probably be possible to make a new infective micro-organism refractory to the immunological and therapeutic processes on which we depend to remain free from infectious disease.

Donald MacArthur Defense Research expert Donald MacArthur testifying before the U.S. House of Representatives with his knowledge of government defense projects. (1969)

In the game of life and evolution, there are three players at the table: human beings, nature and machine. I am firmly on the side of nature. But nature, I suspect, is on the side of the machines.

George Dyson

To fight the empire is to be infected by it's derangement. Whoever defeats part of the empire becomes the empire, it proliferates like a virus... thereby it becomes its enemies.

Phillip K. Dick

At 100 mph, you're not driving a car, you're aiming it.

G. Paul Corbin Col. G. Paul Corbin, chief of the Nevada Highway Patrol, on the prospect of higher speed limits in Western states.

As best I can figure, God operates a protection racket somewhat similar to the mob. (Worship me or burn forever in everlasting torment - but don't let me influence you, you have free will so you can pick which one you want).

Robert Carr

Saint Augustine said he was struck by horror when he saw someone reading without moving his lips. It meant the end of the oral tradition, the internalization of print. People forget that the most invisible technology is the most potent. The Internet does the same thing, you sit there, but not really in your body, directly interacting with another writer, which you can't quite do when reading a book.

David Cronenberg

I'd give Charles Darwin videotapes of 'Geraldo', 'Beavis and Butt-head', and 'The McLaughlin Group'. I would be interested in seeing if he still believes in evolution.

Dean Koontz Dean Koontz, author, when asked what gift he would give to another writer, living or dead.

I want to announce to the world that I am very happy. As long as you don't take the pills away.

If Jesus and Satan both had a mailbox, who would get more mail and why?

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket -- safe, dark, motionless, airless -- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all dangers and perturbations of love in Hell.

C.S. Lewis

Science is wonderful. For years uranium cost only a few dollars a ton until scientists discovered you could kill people with it.

Civilization, or that which is so called, has operated two ways to make one part of society more affluent and the other part more wretched than would have been the lot of either in a natural state.

Thomas Paine

People do not like to think. If one thinks, one must reach conclusions. Conclusions are not always pleasant.

Helen Keller

Some people are easily entertained. All you have to do is sit down and listen to them.

This only is denied even to God: the power to undo the past.

Agathon

All Bibles are man-made.

Thomas Edison

Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.

Napoleon

I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity.

Albert Einstein

The problem with an unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.

Glaser and Way

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that.

Tom Lehrer

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.

Charles Schulz

I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.

Samuel Goldwyn

My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.

Adlai Stevenson

No one agrees with other people's opinion, they merely agree with their own opinions expressed by someone else.

Atheists are people who have no invisible means of support.

If you can read this, you're in range.

A sucking chest wound is just nature's way of telling you to slow down.

Anything not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry loose is not nailed down.

If things are done that the enemy would be ashamed to do, there is an advantage.

When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyf unir cevinpl.

It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'nice doggy' until you can find a rock.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Daffy Duck

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

Always remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.

In Vegas I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.

Steven Wright

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

You are vexed and bitter, that is very good; if only you would get really angry for once, it would be even better.

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.

William Clayton

What is reality but a destroyer of dreams?

Brett Dunst

No one commands me. No man. No god. No prince. What is a claim of age for ones who are immortal? What is a claim of power for ones who defy death? Call your damnable hunt. We shall see who I drag screaming into Hell with me.

Gunter Dorn

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Mark Twain

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

A. Whitney Brown

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is; it's always room temperature.

Steven Wright

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

Steven Wright

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

Steven Wright

I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said 'Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?' 'Yes, officer, but I wasn't going to be out that long.'

Steven Wright

One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said 'Didn't you see the stop sign?' I said 'Yeah, but I don't believe everything you read.'

Steven Wright

I have an inferiority complex... but it's not a very good one.

Steven Wright

I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately. Extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas. I just think about it.

Steven Wright

The good lord set definite limits on man's wisdom, but set no limits on his stupidity...

Konrad Adenauer

How fortunate for governments that the people they administer don't think.

Adolf Hitler

See the stone above his head / Rise three days the prophet said / The sign of life your blood is red / Come with us and raise the dead.

'How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice. 'You must be,' said the Cat, 'or you wouldn't have come here.'

Alice in Wonderland

Why give your faith to infinite light, which forces you to admit how terrible are your darkest deeds, when the darkness simply views them as creative, and provides inspiration for so much more than can the light ever offer?

Violet Flame

If violence does become a factor after taking Prozac, it's more than likely those tendencies were present for a long time and would likely have eventually come out anyway.

Dr. H. Michael Grant Dr. H. Michael Grant, a psychiatrist, on the link between the popular antidepressant and violence.

The subliminal message for the day is.

The United States Department of State warns U.S. citizens to avoid travel to Algeria. The Department recommends that those Americans who choose to be in Algeria despite this warning have substantial armed protection while traveling overland, on their work sites or in their accommodations; other Americans in Algeria should depart. Armed protection is not a guarantee of safety. Continuing attacks against foreigners indicate that the level of risk in Algeria is extremely high. The U.S. Embassy in Algiers also specifically identifies ports and airline terminals as terrorist targets and warns against traveling on regularly scheduled commercial transport. Embassy personnel have suspended their use of regularly scheduled commercial flights. American citizens who remain in Algeria despite this warning are urged to exercise maximum caution and to evaluate regularly their personal security practices.

United States Department of State

A machine, toy, automobile or any other product that has caused an injury to or death of an Indiana consumer may be in a defective and unreasonably dangerous condition.

The Internet is full. Go away.

Shirt seen at DefCon

WARNING: This book is intended for mature readers. It contains interpretations of religious themes which some readers may find unsettling.

Cover of 'In Nomine', by Steve Jackson Games

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Common sense is the least common of all senses.

He who sneezes without a handkerchief takes matters into his own hands.

I never know how much of what I say is true.

Bette Midler

I never met a man so ignorant that I could not learn something from him.

Galileo Galilei

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Robert Heinlein Logic of Empire

Never chase a lie. Let it alone, and it will run itself to death.

Lyman Beecher

Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing the right thing.

Isaac Asimov

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do, and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.

George S. Patton, Jr.

A week ago I understood everything. Then I solved this mystery, and now I'm completely confused.

George Dawes Green The Caveman's Valentine

Stupid people express their anger openly, but sensible people are patient and hold it back.

Proverbs 29:11

The question is not, can they reason? Nor, can they talk? But can they suffer?

Jeremy Bentham

As a child, I was an imaginary playmate.

Tom Robbins

Destiny is something we've invented because we can't stand the fact that everything that happens is accidental.

Meg Ryan Sleepless in Seattle

Shut your mouth and open your mind.

Life is what happens while we're making plans.

Just because an idea is popular don't make it right.

Jim Huck Finn

Quoting Justice Louis D. Brandeis, 'Our government is the potent and omnipotent teacher for good or for ill. It teaches its whole people by example.'

Timothy McVeigh Timothy McVeigh, after being sentenced to death.

My sense of adventure is firmly planted behind my sense of longevity.

Kevin Hemenway

If there is no light in the world for which we can forsake ourselves, then we serve no purpose to God or man.

Jay Winters

Statistics released in 1996 show that we are murdering less in America. But it's not for the lack of trying. We are gunning our fellow citizens down more than ever but high tech trauma centers are bringing them back to life. It's not that we are killing less but that medical advances are making it harder to keep them dead.

Spencer Hughes KSFO Radio

Death. How nice. I'll be looking forward to the peace and quiet.

You think that when you die you go to heaven? You come to us.

Tall Man Phantasm

In the dark colony of night, when I consider man's magnificent capacity for malice, madness, folly, envy, rage, and destructiveness, and I wonder whether we shall not end up as breakfast for newts and polyps, I seem to hear the muffled cries of all the words in all the books with covers closed.

Leo Rosten

Books are like a mirror. If an ass looks in, you can't expect an angel to look out.

Arthur Schopenhauer

Lets face it, the world would be a boring place without oppressive governments. If we were free to do or say whatever we wanted, it wouldn't be exciting to do or say anything.

James Maverick Cook

The things that come to those who wait are probably the things that left over from the people who got there first.

Steven Tyler

Convenience raises the price of everything.

Kevin Hemenway

I'm not being difficult. I'm being lazy.

Kevin Hemenway

If at first you do succeed, try to hide your astonishment.

Don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted. He lived happily ever after.

Willy Wonka Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

Some people think a song without singing isn't a song. Tell that to Beethoven and he'll kick your ass.

Eddie Van Halen

If you really want to hurt your parents and you don't have nerve enough to be homosexual, the least you can do is go into the arts.

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

He who believes in the devil already belongs to him.

Thomas Mann Doctor Faustus

We're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad.

Cheshire Cat Alice in Wonderland

Pessimism of the intellect, optimism of the will!

Antonio Gramsci

There will never be a future, for we will always live in the present.

Megan E. Hall

I have traveled all over the US, German speaking Europe, and East Africa and find the world a very beautiful place if it just weren't so full of people.

There is not a truth existing which I fear... or would wish unknown to the whole world.

Thomas Jefferson

Whenever I have found that I have blundered, or that my work has been imperfected, and when I have been contemptuously criticized, and even when I have been overpraised, so that I have felt mortified, it has been my greatest comfort to say hundreds of times to myself that 'I have worked as hard as I could, and no man can do more than this.'

Charles Darwin

It is a fatal fault to reason whilst observing, though so necessary beforehand and so useful afterwards.

Charles Darwin

Scientists and educators alike need to realize that the educated person is not the person who can answer the questions, but the person who can question the answers.

Theodore Schick Jr.

Science has never sought to ally herself with civil power. She has never subjected anyone to mental torment, physical torment, least of all death, for the purpose of promoting her ideas.

John W. Draper

Under carefully controlled experimental circumstances, an animal will behave as it damned well pleases.

The Harvard Law of Animal Behavior

If you don't think that logic is a good method for determining what to believe, make an attempt to convince me of that without using logic. No one has even bothered to try yet.

Brett Lemoine

If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them.

Isaac Asimov

No man treats a car as foolishly as he treats another human being. When the car will not go, he does not attribute its annoying behavior to sin; he does not say 'you are a wicked motorcar and I shall not give you any more petroleum until you go.' He attempts to find out what is wrong and to set it right.

Betrand Russell

Truth is a crutch used by people to define their reality.

Preparation is necessary when luck meets opportunity.

Sarah Bojarski

Have you ever considered that God may have created the earth with the fossils already in it? It allows man to search about needlessly for his origin.

Doug Haney

Fate is the hand that you are dealt. Destiny is how you play it.

Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.

Popular Mechanics Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

Thomas Watson Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. This device is inherently of no value to us.

Western Union Internal memo, 1876

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

David Sarnoff's associates David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.

A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America like crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make.

Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

Charles H. Duell Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.

Sometimes you see better with your eyes closed.

There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrong.

Anything is edible if it's chopped finely enough.

It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry.

Chicken Little only has to be right once.

Logic is a systematic method to coming to the wrong answer with confidence.

Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.

Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a bigger can.

You never find a lost article until you replace it.

If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.

Help a man when he is in trouble, and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.

People will believe anything if you whisper it.

The chief cause of problems is solutions.

We are what we pretend to be.

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

Martyrdom is the only way a person can become famous without ability.

George Bernard Shaw

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most times he will pick himself up and carry on.

Winston Churchill

Pioneering basically amounts to finding new and more horrible ways to die.

James W. Campbell

Tell a man that there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and he'll believe you. Tell him that a bench has wet paint upon it and he will have to touch it to be sure.

There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them.

Heisenberg

I prefer the company of peasants because they have not been educated sufficiently to reason incorrectly.

Montaigne

It is not enough that we should succeed, but our friends must fail as well.

La Rochefoucauld

Like the brief doomed flare of exploding suns that registers dimly on blind men's eyes, the beginning of the horror passed almost unnoticed; in the shriek of what followed, in fact, was forgotten and perhaps not connected to the horror at all.

William Peter Blatty The Exorcist

As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed into a giant insect.

Metamorphosis

The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents.

H.P. Lovecraft The Call of Cthulhu

Imitation is suicide.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ginger is always sincere, just not to one man.

Tori Amos

The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad.

Salvador Dali

I like reality. It tastes of bread.

Jean Anouilh

Without music, life is nothing.

Freidrich Nietzsche

Some people walk on water. Some people walk on broken glass. Some just walk round and round in their dreams. Some just keep falling down.

Laurie Anderson

The only abnormality is the incapacity to love.

Anais Nin

...and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.

Leonardo Da Vinci

If God is watching us, we might as well be interesting.

Solomon Short

We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds: our planet is the mental institution of the universe.

Goethe

Silence is golden, so shut your mouth.

When you try to make ends meet, they move the ends.

When I was your age, we had to actually beat each other up instead of killing each other on computers.

Don't meet trouble halfway, its quite capable of making the whole journey.

Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think.

Jean de La Bruyere

Men fear death as children fear to go in the dark; and as that natural fear in children is increased with tales, so is the other.

Francis Bacon

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

George S. Patton, Jr.

Kill one man and you are a murderer. Kill millions and you are a conqueror. Kill everyone and you are God.

Jean Rostand

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Mark Twain

The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving.

Russell Green

The aim of education should be to teach us rather how to think, than what to think - rather to improve our minds, so as to enable us to think for ourselves, than to load the memory with the thoughts of other men.

James Beattle

Tell me what company thou keepst, and I'll tell thee what thou art.

Miguel de Cervantes

One friend in a lifetime is much; two are many; three are hardly possible.

Henry Adams

Things do not change; we change.

Henry David Thoreau

Even if the voices are not real, they have some good ideas.

That is the truest sign of insanity - insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy.

Nora Ephron

There is a new billboard outside Time Square. It keeps an up-to-minute count of gun-related crimes in New York. Some goofball is going to shoot someone just to see the numbers move.

David Letterman

Do not rely completely on any other human being, however dear. We meet life's greatest tests alone.

Agnes Machphail

If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.

Katherine Hepburn

When a man gets up to speak, people listen, then look. When a woman gets up to, people look; then if they like what they see, they listen.

Pauline Frederick

If you love someone, let them go. If they return to you, it was meant to be. If they don't, their love was never yours to begin with.

My mind is my own church.

Thomas Paine

God created man in His own image, say the Bible; philosophers reverse the process: they create God in theirs.

G. C. Lichtenberg

There cannot be a God because if there were one, I could not believe that I was not He.

Friedrich Nietzsche

If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.

Voltaire

Maybe this world is another planet's hell.

Aldous Huxley

Ah - but that's the rub - to create so well that destruction is necessary for progress - destruction is favored for progress.

Life is never trivial... only the problems you face.

Kevin Latter

The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.

Alan Ashley-Pitt

Life is tough but it's tougher if you're stupid.

John Wayne

You might have been jumping up and down, I was destroying the fabric of the music industry.

Alex James

Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.

Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Anger begins in folly and ends in repentance.

Pythagoras

Let anger's fire be slow to burn.

George Herbert

Anger is a sort of madness and the noblest causes have been damaged by advocates affected with temporary lunacy.

Mahatma Gandhi

An angry man opens his mouth and shuts up his eyes.

Cato

Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and the right way - that is not easy.

Aristotle

Anger is momentary madness, so control your passion, or it will control you.

Horace

Righteousness will ultimately triumph over Evil, so never be downhearted, and never give way to the deadly emotions of Anger, Envy, Fear and Grief. Always be optimistic.

Zarathushtra

The happiness of life is made up of minute fractions - the little, soon forgotten charities of a kiss or smile, a kind look, a heartfelt compliment, and the countless infinitesimals of pleasurable and genial feeling.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length.

Robert Frost

Life without death and happiness without misery are contradictions and neither can be found alone, because each of them is a different manifestation of the same thing.

Swami Vivekananda

Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule.

Buddha

There are glances of hatred that stab and raise no cry of murder.

George Eliot

People hate, as they love unreasonably.

Thackeray

Jealousy is... a tiger that tears not only its prey but also its own raging heart.

Michael

Jealousy is the most radical primeval and naked form of admiration - admiration in warpaint, so to speak.

R. L. Stevenson

The jealous man knows nothing, suspects a great deal and fears everything.

Curt Goetze

The magic of our first love is our ignorance that it can ever end.

Disraeli

Superstition is born of ignorance and fear, and thrives the most when Reason is asleep.

Zarathushtra

To myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the seashore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble, or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me.

Isaac Newton

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

You only know what you have when you don't have it.

Hope for everything, expect nothing.

If they give you lined paper, write the other way.

Ray Bradbury Fahrenheit 451

Women were put on earth to keep man from screwing himself.

Doron

The only helping hand you can rely on is the one at the end of your sleeve.

OK Congressman JC Watts

If ever you and your friends are being chased by a pack of rabid wolves, you don't have to be faster than the wolves, only your friends.

People need discriminating annoyances like us to correct their perfection.

Kevin Hemenway

Youth is wasted on the young.

Let's say I committed this crime. Even if I did do this, it would have to have been because I loved her very much, right?

OJ Simpson

The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.

Kilgore Trout

The only way to stop this suicide wave is to make it a capital offense, punishable by death.

Legislature in Ireland

New things of any kind, mechanical, biological, intellectual, always tend to create fear. Then the subject becomes tolerated and ignored. And the third stage, which always happens, is the subject becomes enthusiastically endorsed, and I think the same thing will happen in human cloning.

Richard Seed

God made man in his own image. Therefore he intended that man should become one with God. Man should have an indefinite life and have indefinite knowledge. And we're going to do it, and this is one step.

Richard Seed Richard Seed, talking about cloning.

Don't let your alligator mouth override your hummingbird butt.

Sometimes I think I must have a Guardian Idiot. A little invisible spirit just behind my shoulder, looking out for me... only he's an imbecile.

Spider Robinson

We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.

Epictetus

Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source.

Ron Nesen

What does not destroy me makes me strong.

Freidrich Nietzsche

College isn't the place to go for ideas.

Helen Keller

Perhaps the Tamagotchi is nothing more than an invention by computers that's intended to teach us to nurture them as they become more sophisticated.

Ashton Perry

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.

T. S. Elliot

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

Albert Einstein

It's on the other side.

First Law of Window Cleaning

When I die, I want to go slowly and peacefully like my Grandfather did, and not fast and screaming like the passengers in his car.

I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK.

On a tombstone

The effort of using machines to mimic the human mind has always struck me as rather silly. I would rather use them to mimic something better.

Edsger Dijkstra

The bonds that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each others life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.

Richard Bach

A lecture is where the notes of the professor become the notes of the student without passing through the mind of either one.

Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

D. P. Barron

I'm a Leo. Leos don't believe in this astrology stuff.

Tom Neff

The genius of you Americans is that you never make any clear-cut stupid moves, only complicated stupid moves that leave us scratching our heads wondering if we might possibly have missed something.

Gamel Abdel Nasser

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat. Cut it.

Alfred Hitchcock

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

Albert Einstein

May you live in interesting times.

Old Chinese Curse

A candidate is a person who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

Oscar Wilde

It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.

Gore Vidal

We stand today at a crossroads: One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other leads to total extinction. Let us hope we have the wisdom to make the right choice.

Woody Allen

Some people hope to achieve immortality through their works or their children. I would prefer to achieve it by not dying.

Woody Allen

Today's robots are very primitive, capable of understanding only a few simple instructions such as 'go left', 'go right', and 'build car'.

John Sladek

Simple chords are complex, girl, falling under the weight of the world. You have the power to unmask me, the face nobody's supposed to see.

Somah I See Katie

Some reporters said I don't have any vision. I don't see that.

George Bush

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.

W.C. Fields

There is no greater sorrow than to recall a time of happiness in misery.

Dante Alighieri

Our wretched species is so made that those who walk on the well-trodden path always throw stones at those who are showing a new road.

Voltaire

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.

James Branch Cabel

I have been sent to you as a punishment from God. Truly your sin must be grievous to deserve a punishment such as I.

Genghis Khan

I think I served a purpose tonight. All the people who were thinking 'This party isn't so great' could look at me and say 'Well, at least I had a better time than that guy.'

Ryan Peterson

I try not to spend too much time hating my enemies; instead I watch them, for they are me, and I conquer all by avoiding their folly.

Mark Lund

Active Evil is better than Passive Good.

William Blake

You will admit that if it was not life, it was magnificent.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

Complacency is a symptom of mental health.

Rebekah Bunch

What one man can do, another can do.

Anthony Hopkins The Edge

Don't walk in the shadows of your past, or you'll never see the light of the future.

A plausible impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.

Aristotle

All hope abandon, ye who enter here.

Dante Alighieri

All my possessions for a moment of time.

Queen Elizabeth, last words

The only way to avoid being miserable is not to have enough leisure time to wonder whether you are happy or not.

George Bernard Shaw

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Winston Churchill

Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed.

Michael Pritchard

The sun will set without thy assistance.

The Talmud

I don't say we all ought to misbehave, but we ought to look as if we could.

Orson Welles

A lot of Michael's success is due to timing and luck. It could just as easily have been me.

Jermaine Jackson

People who use the electric chair for capital punishment suffer from a lack of creativity.

Ted Bundy Ted Bundy, last words

Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind.

General William Westmoreland General William Westmoreland during the war in Vietnam

Then he warned his disciples not to tell anyone that he was the Christ.

Matthew 16:20

You cannot rape the willing. But we will try.

I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way.

Franklin P. Adams

Even a fool knows you can't touch the stars, but it doesn't stop a wise man from trying.

Harry Anderson

I don't believe in an afterlife, so I don't have to spend my whole life fearing hell, or fearing heaven even more. For whatever the tortures of hell, I think the boredom of heaven would be even worse.

Isaac Asimov

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!', but 'That's funny...'.

Isaac Asimov

Success comes before work only in the dictionary.

Now comes the mystery.

Henry Ward Beecher Henry Ward Beecher, last words

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

Nathaniel Borenstein

An apology for the devil: it must be remembered that we have heard one side of the case. God has written all the books.

Samuel Butler

Seeing ones self as perfect is often a sign of a delusional mind.

Data Data, Star Trek: The Next Generation ('First Contact')

Maturity: Point in your life when you come to realize that your personal pleasure is not worth someone else's pain.

I don't know anything. I never did know anything. But now I know that I don't know anything.

Scrooge A Christmas Carol

Ya, they're all messed up...

The police officer in 'Night of the Living Dead'

...but there was no way they could prove his dog Chief had got the bitch pregnant.

The announcer guy from The People's Court

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

Soren Aabye Kierkegaard

Older men declare war. But it is youth that must fight and die.

Herbert Hoover

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

Carl Friedrich Gauss Carl Friedrich Gauss, while working, when informed that his wife was dying

Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American Dream?

Homer Simpson The Simpsons

Any child in America can grow up to be President. It's one of the risks that kids face.

Sam Ewing

An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.

Sam Ewing

If you want the world to beat a path to your door, just try to take a nap on a Saturday afternoon.

Sam Ewing

I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.

Edgar Allan Poe

Loose women lying about in ponds distributing swords is not a basis for a system of government!

Monty Python

Follow your inner moonlight; don't hide the madness. You say what you want to say when you don't care who's listening.

Allen Ginsburg

Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question.

Albert Camus

Use the bumper - that's what it's for!

The general in 'Golden Eye' to his driver right before he starts running over people

This is no time for making new enemies.

Voltaire Voltaire, when asked if he wanted to renounce the Devil, last words

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

Douglas Adams

When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute, and it's longer than any hour. That's relativity.

Albert Einstein

After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.

Aldous Huxley

LSD gives you enlightenment, as a steamroller gives you neatly pressed pants.

Bob Hartwig

One liners are fun. Mine just shit genius.

David Gerard

Semi-automatic weaponry is your God-given right.

David Gerard

Before you can take the rights of free speech seriously you have to have something to say.

Edvamp

If you act yourself, I think that's pretty noncomformist.

Kevin Hemenway

Every once in a while, it's a good idea to call out 'Computer, end program', just to check.

Dave Noelle

Why do they say 'callers are standing by' when THEY are ANSWERING the phone, not calling?

Kevin Hemenway

The greatest pleasure is to vanquish your enemies and chase them before you, to rob them of their wealth and see those dear to them bathed in tears, to ride their horses and clasp to your bosom their wives and daughters.

Genghis Khan

Men are swayed more by fear than by reverence.

Aristotle

People are better than trees because they move...

Nameless in-line skater at one o'clock in the morning, downtown Chicago

I saw a sad looking, slow moving, old man as he bounced off the hood of my car.

When the killer penguins appear in the upper right hand corner of your worst nightmare, never, under any circumstances, offer them any cheese.

Wild Chicago, Chicago based PBS program about the city of Chicago

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.

Ambrose Redmoon

We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.

Jeff Marder

Everybody is a potential murderer. I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.

Clarence Darrow

Thieves respect property. They merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.

G. K. Chesterton

One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon - instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.

Dale Carnegie

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Martin Luther King Jr.

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful or evil can become a source of beauty, joy and strength if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for he who has the vision to recognize it as such.

Henry Miller

Sometimes, only one person is missing, and the whole world seems depopulated.

Alphonse de Lamartine

The victor will never be asked if he told the truth.

Adolf Hitler

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

When in doubt, mumble.

Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence.

Henrik Tikkanen

The world is so fast that there are days when the person who says it can't be done is interrupted by the person doing it.

As you grow older you do one of two things: grow up or fuck up.

IGNORE the HYPE

How I enjoyed listening to your prayers and watching you jump into your bed, afraid I was under there. And you know what? I was.

Lucifer The Prophecy

If you understood everything I said, you'd be me.

Miles Davis

When people start cutting heads off of bodies and having sex with corpses, I find that shit obscene.

Luther Campbell Luther Campbell, lead singer of 2 Live Crew

Do you think I'm cruel for the sake of cruelty? How do you think I rule these people? It's not by force, but by terror. My empire is of imagination.

Do you think when God made women, he meant it? Or was it another one of his mistakes, like earthquakes and floods? What's the matter? You don't think God makes mistakes? Sure he does. You make mistakes, I make mistakes. We all make mistakes. But when we make a mistake, it's EVIL. When God makes a mistake, it's NATURE.

Jack Nicholson Jack Nicholson, 'The Witches of Eastwick'

Excuse me, yes, this is Bell Atlantic. We're testing the line for Astrophreakability.

I'd like you to meet my new friend, Mr. Bear. What do you say, Mr. Bear? 'Foolish mortals, bow down before me! You know not the power of Mr. Bear!' Now Mr. Bear, that's not nice.

Adam K.

Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn't eaten in a while.

Charles Barkley Charles Barkley, after blatantly elbowing an Angolan basketball opponent in the Olympics.

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

Lily Tomlin

Military use of light is being explored. The Pentagon has looked into the effects of strobe lights as a nonlethal weapon, and Russia has supposedly developed a computer virus called '666' that displays certain light combinations on a computer screen in order to affect bodily functions.

White folks was in caves while we was building empires... We taught philosophy and astrology and mathematics before Socrates and them Greek homes ever got around to it.

Reverend Al Sharpton Reverend Al Sharpton, in a 1994 speech at Kean College, New Jersey, as transcribed by The Forward

Slow has four letters, just as life. Speed has five letters, just as death.

Railway crossing warning sign, India.

It was a godless sound; one of those low-keyed, insidious outrages of nature which are not meant to be. To call it a dull wail, a doom dragged whine or a hopeless howl of chorused anguish and stricken flesh without mind would be to miss its most quintessential lothesomeness and soul sickening overtones.

The eventual result of the Beurocratization of Society.

There's no particular law that says if someone murders their election opponent, their name is taken off the ballot.

Brook Thompson

Sometimes I question my sanity... then I realize: it has questioned me.

Kevin Hemenway

I think... I'm done. You sort of tend to exhaust one subject. It's not really all that inducive to growth.

Michelle Williams Michelle Williams on any further work for her in the horror genre after 'Halloween H20'

People will remember you better if you always wear the same outfit.

David Byrne

Money with morals causes problems. I would have my problems shot and thrown in the lake.

Yehcir Davis

Being born is like being kidnapped. And then sold into slavery.

Andy Warhol

Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.

Marshall Mcluhan

The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity.

Albert Einstein

I would be much more afraid of rejecting religious faith and later finding out it were true than of embracing religious faith and later finding out it were false.

I find commercials fascinating. They are so exquisitely vulgar and so delightfully tasteless that they must be irresistible to everyone save the few who aren't enchanted by discussions of nasal passages and digestive tracts.

Alfred Hitchcock

To me style is just the outside of content, and content the inside of style, like the outside and the inside of the human body -- both go together, they can't be separated.

Jean-Luc Godard

If it's stupid, but works, it isn't stupid.

Isn't it fascinacting to realize that no image, no form, not even a shade or color, "exists" on it's own; that among everything that's visually observable we can refer only to realationships and to contrasts?

I dunno what i'm doing, but i'm damn good at it.

Seen on a button.

What doesn't kill you makes you stranger.

Trevor Godchild

If you wanna be immortal you've gotta have something to trade in!

Charles Manson

If Jesus was a martyr, would Satan be a martyr of free speech?

Kevin Hemenway

Believe nothing, no matter where you have read it or who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.

Buddha

It isn't as if there was anything very wonderful about my little corner. Of course for people who like cold, wet, ugly bits it is something rather special.

Eeyore Pooh's Corner

I always pray to God not to hit a person. But if I do, God must not have liked that person.

Katie Creon and Kevin Hemenway

If you quote that, you'll receive a beatin'

Aaron Coleman

I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.

Stephen Roberts

This idea that there is something creditable about embracing nonsense is at the bottom of the vulgar idea that religion is a necessary part of the outfit of a decent man.

H. L. Mencken

The time must come inevitably when mankind shall surmount the imbecility of religion, as it has surmounted the imbecility of religion's ally, magic. It is impossible to imagine this world being really civilized so long as so much nonsense survives. In even its highest forms religion embraces concepts that run counter to all common sense. It can be defended only by making assumptions and adopting rules of logic that are never heard of in any other field of human thinking.

H. L. Mencken

Freethinkers reject faith as a valid tool of knowledge. Faith is the opposite of reason because reason imposes very strict limits on what can be true, and faith has no limits at all. A Great Escape into faith is no retreat to safety. It is nothing less than surrender.

Dan Barker

Put the FUN back in funeral.

Some t-shirt

Love is a snow mobile racing along the tundra, suddenly it flips over pinning you under it. At night, the ice weasles come.

Matt Groening

I desire to go to Hell, not to Heaven; for in Heaven are only hermits, monks, beggars and apostles, while, in Hell, I shall enjoy the company of Popes, kings, and princes.

Machiavelli

It is a miracle curiosity survives formal education.

Albert Einstein

A great many people think they are thinking when they are actually rearranging their prejudices.

William James

Scientific truth is determined as much by the social climate of the times as by the dictates of reason and logic.

A witty saying proves nothing.

Voltaire

The creation of the universe was made possible by a grant from Texas Instruments.

PBS

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog: Nobody really enjoys it, and the frog usually dies as a result.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

Galileo Galilei

Curiosity is a willing, a proud, an eager confession of ignorance.

As soon as men decide that all means are permitted to fight an evil, then their good becomes indistinguishable from the evil that they set out to destroy.

Christopher Dawson

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.

Mark Twain

If you pick up a dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a man and a dog.

Mark Twain

You can build a throne with bayonets, but you can't sit on it for long.

Boris Yelstin

In capitalism, man exploits man. In communism, it's exactly the opposite.

When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail.

Abraham Maslow

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

Mahatma Gandhi

I am your king, and you'd better do what I say or else I can't be king anymore.

B. Kliban

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Life may have no meaning; Or, even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove.

Ashleigh Brilliant

Bad planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest; with an axe.

When you remember how hard it is to change yourself, you begin to understand what little chance you have of changing others.

In the topography of intellection, I should say that what we call knowledge is ignorance surrounded by laughter.

Charles Fort

The process called 'explanation' is only a local aspect of universal assimilation.

Charles Fort

There is only one crime, in the local sense, and that is not to turn blue, if the gods are blue, but, in the universal sense, the only crime is not to turn the gods themselves green, if you're green.

Charles Fort

And Science is a turtle that says that its own shell encloses all things.

Charles Fort

Let's ban flowers. All those pistels and stamens and pollen -- why, those wicked, wicked plants are having sex RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN.

John Scalzi

Regardless of the old saying, 'Step on a crack, break your mother's back', if you're really looking for results, try stepping *directly* on your Mother's back, or maybe even jumping on it.

Travis Williams

There are days when solitude is a heady wine that intoxicates you with freedom, others when it is bitter tonic, and still others when it is a poison that makes you beat your head against the wall.

Sidonie Gabrielle Colette

I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room.

Blaise Pascal

Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Evan Davis

During the bad times, I learned who was loyal and who wasn't. I believe in an eye for an eye. A couple of people who betrayed me need my help now, and I am screwing them against the wall! I am doing a number... and I'm having so much fun.

Donald Trump

Mary had a little key / she kept it in escrow / and everything that Mary sent / the feds were sure to know.

Andy Starritt

If your hacker admits to having been wrong, don't demand an apology; so far as the hacker is concerned, admitting to being wrong is an apology.

Proper Care and Feeding of Your Hacker

I started out as a rabid Catholic and even got into something called 'The Legion of Mary' which is akin to the practice of the Jehovah's Witnesses who go door to door to proselytize. We have Witnesses here in Mexico and they suffer from being a small minority in a largely pro-forma Catholic country. As an aside the word for 'witness' in Spanish is 'testigo' and given the word for 'testicle' which is 'test’culo' they end up being called 'Jehovah's Balls' or 'Los Test’culos de Jehova.'

Ronald J. Sefchick

We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.

Charles Bukowski

Brassiere is french for life jacket. And an acronym of brassiere is brasserie, which means brewery. No what do you make of that? That when drowning in beer, don't worry, you won't?

History repeats itself, first as tragedy, and then again as tragedy.

Louis de Bernieres

Last night as I lay in bed looking at the stars I asked myself, 'Where the hell is my roof?'

We have met the enemy and not only is he ours, he is us.

Walt Kelly

The beauty of a beach can't be comprehended by simply describing each grain of sand.

Putt Martin

Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them. But not for love.

William Shakespeare

If you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, head for the rock. At least it warms up in the sun.

Jenna Prunty

You only have power over people so long as you don't take everything away from them. Once you've robbed a man of everything, he's no longer in your power, he's free again.

Alexander Solzhenitsyn

Love me, fear me. Just let me rule you and you can have anything you desire. I will be your slave.

Jared David Bowie from 'Labyrinth'

Your enemy is never a villain in his own eyes. Keep this in mind; it may offer a way to make him your friend. If not you can kill him without hate... and quickly.

Robert Heinlein

God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent - it says so right here on the label. If you have a mind capable of believing all three of these divine attributes simultaneously, I have a wonderful bargain for you. No checks, please. Cash and in small bills.

Robert Heinlein

EVERYTHING IN EXCESS!! To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks.

Robert Heinlein

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasy meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.

Robert Heinlein

Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on a full suit of armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae.

Kurt Vonnegut

The bigger the lie, the more people will believe in it.

Adolf Hitler

I am the Punishment of God, If you had not committed great sin, God would not have sent a punishment like me upon you.

Genghis Khan

The most merciful thing in the world... is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little, but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality... that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.

HP Lovecraft

No emotion is so powerful or so potent as unrequited love. Well, demonic rage, perhaps... but that's it.

Ted Bundy

You go to Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company.

Russian Proverb

The boy makes a vow to himself: if he has to settle for a nine-to-five job when he grows up (he knows that, like diabetes and kidney failure, this does happen to some people), he will never spend his vacation at home, washing his car in his driveway.

Richard Bachman, "The Regulators" Richard Bachman

The problem with the Nazis wasn't simply that their leaders were the evil, psychotic men they were. But the main problem, I think was the leader principle. A man who holds that much power, even with the best intentions, just can't resist the urge to play God.

Kirk and McCoy Kirk and McCoy, Star Trek ('Patterns of Force')

I want the horror to follow me home and keep scaring my sorry ass when I get there.

Kevin Hemenway

TO AVOID BREAKAGE, KEEP BOTTOM ON TOP. TOP MARKED BOTTOM TO AVOID CONFUSION.

Sign on a carton.

When I have stress, I stage a mock pro-wrestling bout with my husband. My favorite technique is to kick him in the groin. When I get a good kick in, I really feel happy that I am married.

Japanese wife, quoted in Japan Times.

The White House has always attracted the mentally ill.

Vincent Charles Secret Serviceman Vincent Charles, explaining why security was heightened around the White House.

Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It's rolling all the way back to second base! This is a terrible thing for the Padres!

Jerry Coleman Padres radio announcer Jerry Coleman, describing the progress of a fly ball hit by a member of the opposing team.

A monk asked Yun Men, 'What are the teachings of a whole lifetime?' Yun Men said, 'An appropriate statement.'"

The Blue Cliff Record

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.

Woody Allen

The further the spiritual evolution of mankind advances, the more certain it seems to me that the path to genuine religiosity does not lie through the fear of life, and the fear of death, and blind faith, but through striving after rational knowledge.

Albert Einstein

Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

W.C. Fields

Sometimes it's easier to prove the existence of God than it is to justify being 35 years old and driving all over the state looking for Star Wars toys.

Joe Simes

Advertising is the sound of a stick rattling in a swill bucket.

George Orwell

So that's 2 T-1s and a newsfeed... would you like clues with that?

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

Today we celebrate the first glorious anniversary of the Information Purification Directive. We have created, for the first time in all history, a garden of pure ideology where each worker may bloom secure from the pests purveying contradictory and confusing truths. Our unification of thought is more powerful a weapon than any fleet or army on earth. We are one people. With one will. One resolve. One cause. Our enemies shall talk themselves to death, and will bury them with their own confusion. We shall prevail!

"Big Brother" in Apple commercial, 1984

It would be just like programmers to shorten 'the year 2000 problem' to 'Y2K'-- exactly the kind of thinking that created this situation in the first place.

Steven C. Myer

Arguing with an engineer is like wrestling with a pig in the mud. After a while you realize the pig enjoys it.

The problem isn't that Johnny can't read. The problem isn't even that Johnny can't think. The problem is that Johnny doesn't know what thinking is; he confuses it with feeling.

Thomas Sowell

We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us happy is something to be enthusiastic about.

Albert Einstein

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

Soon will come a time when only the wealthy or the pure of heart can afford the vivid colors of reality.

Brian Snyder

I learned two things growing up in Texas. One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, dirty thing on the face of the earth and you should save it for the one you love.

Butch Hancock

Some people assert that many hackers have a mild form of autism or Asperger's Syndrome, and are actually missing some of the brain circuitry that lubricates `normal' human social interaction. This may or may not be true. If you are not a hacker yourself, it may help you cope with our eccentricities if you think of us as being brain-damaged. Go right ahead. We won't care; we like being whatever it is we are, and generally have a healthy skepticism about clinical labels.

Eric S. Raymond How To Ask Questions The Smart Way

To knock something down, especially if it is cocked at an arrogant angle, is a deep delight of the blood.

George Santayana

None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe that they are free.

Johan Wolfgang Van Goethe

Thought without action is a daydream; Action without thought is a nightmare.

Japanese Proverb

I know this is kinda hard for contemporary people to get their heads around, but Jesus Christ used to beat people up with a whip for being capitalists. He chased the moneylenders out of the sacred precincts. They were extremely alarmed by this. They were screaming stuff, like "Hey wow! The Prince of Peace is beating the living crap out of us!

Bruce Sterling

"I refuse to prove I exist" says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."

Douglas Adams The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

French is the language of love. German is the language of porn movies.

Every person on earth is exactly smart enough to fool themself.

Dennis Durham Durham's Theory of Relative Intelligence

Your greatest strengh is your fear of everything.

Charles Bukowski

If we love peace, why play at war? After all, the traditional spiritual urges us to 'study war no more', on the apparent assumption that this will lead to peace. It sounds reasonable. Yet if we say, 'we love health, so why study disease?' we begin to see a paradox. Anti-aids protestors call for more money to study AIDS, yet few anti-war protestors call for more money to study war. Perhaps they should.

Matt Caffrey Lt. Colonel Matt Caffrey, Prof. of Wargaming and Campaign Planning, The Air University, Maxwell AFB

The ignorance of how to use new knowledge stockpiles exponentially.

Hey, I help anyone. I enjoy spreading knowledge. It's the most communicable disease, and that's what Morbus is all about.

Kevin Hemenway

Illusions die hard, but when they die, they die loudly.

Tom Clancy

Use keys to open doors.

Gauntlet