Lesson Two: Not All NetSlaves Are Created Equal
Level 8.0 Gold Hustlers & Sharks "Turn-key Solutions Traced in Blood"
Who They Are: Hustlers and Sharks are the high-paid muscle
brought in "to show 'em how the Big Boys do it". While some call
themselves "management consultants", they are most frequently
referred to as "consultants". In either case, the modus operandi is
the same -- to make as much money as possible by delaying projects
for as long as possible. Hustlers, being the common type, are
employed by the IT arm of Big 5 firms and smaller boutiques that
specialize in upselling solutions (confusions?) to cash-rich,
technologically-challenged sectors such as Financial Services and
Healthcare. Sharks, being the less common and more ruthless species,
are Hustlers who after years of only receiving only a percentage of
the take, have gone out on their own to get all of it, including
what they owe the government in taxes. Operating with very low
overhead and morals to match, Sharks will say anything and do
anything that will assure the green keeps flowing into their
Bahamanian bank accounts ("You want a Web site? No problem. I'm the
best there is. But bear in mind that in order to do it right, we
have to create an object-oriented database that will take at least
23 months to build and debug.").
Where They Can Be Found: A laptop permanently in
tow, Hustlers and Sharks are very mobile creatures. They are found,
by turns, going door-to-door peddling their goods to the highest
bidder, or if currently under contract, lurking under desks in
sparse cubes plotting their next scam to get themselves extended
and their fees increased.
Average Billed Hours Per Week: 92 (including time
spent at home sleeping and meeting with other clients).
Average Actual Hours Worked Per Week: 0 (not
including bad-mouthing, undermining and hopefully eliminating
in-house NetSlaves).
Average Age: 35 (in "Dick Clark Time")
Average Salary: 125K
Marital Status: Unknown. NOTE: It's not that the
information isn't available; rather, it's that Hustlers and Sharks
are so busy traveling and confusing people with white-board data
flows (card tricks?) that they themselves have forgotten.
Favorite Off-Line Activities: Pretending to know
the difference between a nasty-ass, overpriced cigar made in
Cuba and other made in the Dominican Republic; bitching about
their stock portfolio, bragging about their "great time out on
the links last Saturday" with fellow Hustlers and Sharks, too stupid
to realize that golf is really the rich guy and rich-guy wannabe
equivalent of bowling.
Number of Jobs Held in the Past Three Years: 3
(All at once, for the entire period ... and counting.).
Mode of Dress: Tan Dockers, penny loafers, sky-blue
dress shirt, argyle socks. NOTE: Hustlers and Sharks have no time to
think about what to wear in the morning and therefore their entire
wardrobe consists solely of the aforementioned.
Current Technical Fetishes: Because it is the
stock in trade of Hustlers and Sharks to appear to be on the
cutting-edge of technology, they are the "early adopter's" early
adopter. They own everything from wireless modems to global
satellite phones to upwards of 12 PDA's, which they flash whenever
possible.
Education: Hustlers and Sharks are fiercely
independent types surviving solely on their wits and whatever
knowledge they have picked up after years of voracious reading.
Autodidacts at heart, Hustlers and Sharks know a great deal
about the subjects that interest them (Military History, the
early days of micro-computing), but very little about current events
and what particular day this is.
Psychological Profile: Given their age in DCT ("Dick
Clark Time", see above), Hustlers and Sharks spent their youth
in a drugged haze criss-crossing America and the Far East before
suddenly "getting serious" around 1979 and turning into the same
"Materialistic, Society Pigs" they were supposedly rebelling
against. NOTE: Although nothing is conclusive at this moment,
the NetSlaves Research Institute has uncovered evidence which
suggests that the transformation experienced by Hustlers and Sharks
was caused by the mind-control drug GWTP, ("Get with the Program", a
substance originally tested in Vietnam), which the U.S. Government
secretly added to the chemical compound of polyester (Oliver Stone:
Polyester, as if you could ever forget, was a synthetic fabric
popular in the day and it began its comeback around the dawn of
the Web. Coincidence? Hardly.).
Career Aspirations: To be cloned.
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