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netslaves: combat manual

Lesson Two: Not All NetSlaves Are Created Equal

Level 3.0 Cops & Streetwalkers
"Is That a Cellular Modem in Your Pocket,
Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?"



Who They Are: They don't carry guns or badges or swing tiny black purses, but like their real-world counterparts, the Cops & Streetwalkers of cyberspace represent the opposing forces that drive our sexuality.

Where They Can Be Found: Cops, or more accurately, "CyberCops", patrol chat rooms and bulletin boards for offensive materials and undesirable individuals, such as pedophiles, stalkers and other Mole People run amok. Streetwalkers, being the online incarnation of the "World's Oldest Profession," cruise these very same spaces with a completely different intent -- to corner prospective "johns" with their must-have adult products and services, which run the gamut from subscription-only nude photos to CUSeeMe sessions with strippers to old-fashioned $2.99 per minutes 1-900 calls.

How Cops & Streetwalkers Feel about Each Other: If you ask a CyberCop, Streetwalkers are the purveyors of everything "bad" about the Internet, including abductions and meetings with "online friends" that turn into rape. On the other hand, if you ask a Streetwalker, it's the CyberCops who are the purveyors of everything "bad" about the Internet: censorship, repression, the latest play of the Moral Majority and the attempt by Corporate America to turn a vital, grass-roots business opportunity into a G-rated shopping mall.

Average Age: 23-30. (with CyberCops falling into the "underemployed" young slacker sub-caste and Streetwalkers looking pretty as "entrepreneurs")

Average Income: $10.00 per/hour. (Cops) $10,000 per/week. (Streetwalkers)

Hours Worked Per Week: Varies. (Depends on what's "up," so to speak.)

Mode of Dress: Jeans, sneakers, three-day facial growth. (Cops) "Nothing at all, sweetie." (So claim Streetwalkers)

Living Arrangements: They either live at home with their parents (Cops) or are about to close on a waterfront condo. (Streetwalkers)

Last Book Read: CyberCops are not generally given to reading. However, if they belong to the educated class of online law enforcement, they go for the poetry of Shelley. Some are probably still working on the copy of "Remembrance of Things Past" they were given as a graduation gift. As for Streetwalkers, being utilitarians, they only read popular get-rich tomes like "Guerilla Marketing Online" or 'Chainsaw' Al Dunlap's "Mean Business".

Chance of Upward Mobility: Medium. The best and brightest CyberCops can become high-priced digital spooks. Streetwalkers, if they play their cards right, can look forward to an early retirement, given the lucrative nature of online pornography.

Chance of Downward Mobility: High. All it would take is a breakthrough in content filtering technology, along with government legislation, to put both these groups out of business.
 

<Level 4.0: Garbagemen>