I Wanted to Cry (After Receiving a 2 Percent Raise)
Posted Tue May 1 09:50:59 2001 by sbaldwin |
By Chi Lambda
I wanted to cry. I'm a man, damn it! I haven't cried in three
years. But today was different, because I had disillusioned myself into
thinking that I was owed something by my company.
I'm a Webmaster, or Web designer, or Web developer. (Would someone
please define these goddamn job titles!) Well, whatever I'm called, I
know that I was the first to come into this company that I work for and
create a corporate Web site that contained their entire catalogue of
materials in an updated, revised, and easily accessible format, instead
of the FrontPage-made crap they had someone do before me.
I interviewed for my current position exactly six months ago. Today
was my performance review with my manager; a time to assess what we've
done and where we want to go. It was a good meeting; I respect her very
much, and believe in her philosophy of what good work is. The review
took an hour and a half. Fifteen minutes prior to meeting with her, I
jotted notes down on a small piece of paper notes listing my
accomplishments, my frustrations, my hopes, and other things related to
how I perceive myself here.
Basically, I was hoping for a decent pay raise, thinking that what
I was originally offered was the salary for someone with no experience
in this company. Then, if the employee passed the half-year mark, the
"real" salary would be granted. I had also hoped for stock options from
the company, but the board of directors recently decided not to offer
them to those that are not at the managerial level; "the value of the
stock is too low to be much of an incentive," is how one of the
founders recently put it. I also wanted to get some pension benefits.
Oh, and I really hoped for a company car too.
The hour and a half passed quickly with my manager, after which she
pulled out a contract for me to sign employing me for another half
year. Upon discussing the situation with her boss, she told me that I
would be getting pension benefits, and that in six-months time, I would
be entitled to a two-percent pay raise.
It was here that I wanted to cry.
(I'll be taking the bus for a while longer too.)
Last night on television, a very prominent high-tech company -- in
my neck of the woods, at least -- shocked a lot of people in this
industry by announcing that they would lay off six percent of their
workforce.
Goddamn you Year 1999, you spoiled me rotten.
After a few minutes, the fly-hitting-the-windshield-feeling of not
getting a pay raise, nor a company car, started to subdue enough that I
began to realize how fucking lucky I am. I still have my job. My salary
(which is OK) has not been reduced, and I am still a valued employee
who has projects yet to be worked on.
Telling my wife will be difficult. We would like to have a child
soon, and we wanted to get a car, and wanted to move into a nicer
apartment, and buy more stuff, and... you know.
But the more I think about it, the more I realize how fortunate I
am that I'm not packing up my personal belongings from my desk, and
sending out my last e-mails to fellow coworkers, nor thinking how I'm
going to pay the methodically on-time bills that come each month.
I'm still working, and feeling needed. I guess, that from all possible worlds, this one isn't too bad.
(The writer, a member of www.poochkiss.com,
would like to humbly dedicate this article to those who have lost their
jobs in the Internet industry, and sincerely wish them the best of luck
on the road ahead.)
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