Unemployment Journal VIII: Insurance and Revolting Soy Crisps
Posted Sat Mar 3 16:53:30 2001 by ebitch |
by ebitch
last week
the _hr_ person at my former dot-feck, i mean dot-com, is a clueless moron.
i went to the drugstore to pick up my prescription after stopping at a korean deli and buying
(1) slab of lemon-garlic tofu
(2) rice-seaweed crisps
(3) what i _thought_ was a bag of soy crisps but which turned out
to be revolting _apple cinnamon_ soy crisps which i promptly threw in
the garbage after practically gagging on one
(4) brick of cheap cheddar cheese
(5) citrus beverage
(6) can of coke for friend on whose floor i am sitting
(7) soft-pack of american spirit cigarettes (yellow) for her.
she is also dot-fecked.
i was told by the pharmacist my insurance had been terminated.
i said, it _can't_ be.
i called the outsourced human resources company (ohrc), and the alleged termination was confirmed.
the papers i have convey, in a most opaque manner, that my coverage
terminates on such-and-such date, unless money and papers are received.
it states i have until _april_ to send money and papers.
i called the ohrc to learn the status of my insurance and was told
my former employer was to send papers that would set the
me-having-insurance-after-being-dot-fecked process in motion.
i _pleaded_ with this outsourced hr person, saying the woman who
would _handle_ this is a moron, could _she_ possibly help me? the nice
outsourced hr lady called the clueless wonder, and the documents were
sent.
the moron hr person neglected to orchestrate these matters since
she was busy auctioning office equipment to her friends, drinking,
smoking and conveying inappropriate personal data to the remaining
staff members regarding a torrid love affair.
not only is this incorrect professional deportment, but it is
aesthetically unlawful, because she is short and homely and should not
be discussing _anything_ remotely suggestive, for she is revolting.
i paid almost four hundred dollars to obtain my prescriptions.
plus, my cobra premium, two-hundred seventy-seven dollars and nineteen
cents (277.19) a month.
can i blame all this on the moron hr person? no. _somebody_ hired
her. former employer is being audited. will the irs find her collection
of random receipts amusing?
next steps
(1) instead of walking to friend's house, run there. run back.
(2) pay insurance. feck, feck.
(3) send gentle reminder to those who might be interested in hiring me.
(4) go to therapy at two o'clock.
(5) downgrade gym membership, since i'm not using all the locations and i guess i can bring my own towel.
(6) go grocery shopping.
(7) borrow some pj harvey cds.
shopping list
(1) those nice packages of baby spinach and mixed greens.
(2) fruit: bananas, oranges, maybe some grapes. i can never
remember if grapes are in season now -- i had some good ones the other
day. i like grapes.
(3) vegetables: be realistic. how many zucchini have rotted in my
vegetable bin this month? when i buy one, i'm like, oh yes, i'm going
to make pasta and put this into the sauce. fresh string beans,
mushrooms, baby carrots. i like to put them in a big container of
water.
(4) household items: kitchen-size trash bags, bon ami sink cleaner, two (2) cans -- one for kitchen sink, one for bathroom sink.
(5) paper towel.
(6) toilet paper.
(7) another box of matches.
(8) orange juice.
(9) vanilla soy milk.
(10) five (5) cans of progresso light tuna. this is the very best
canned tuna one can buy in the supermarket. i once bought an
eight-dollar (8) jar of tuna from italy, and honestly it was not worth
it.
(11) more vinegar, balsamic. maybe another kind.
(12) recycling bags.
(13) twine for wrapping newspapers.
(14) sos pads, lemon-scented.
(15) big bag of that new, crystal cat litter. it's the best. only
problem is the crystals are little balls, which bounce all over my
floor each time a cat exits the litter box. this is bad design. this
was clearly not designed for a brooklyn apartment, on a noticeable
slant, with wooden floors. i should really write a letter
(16) catnip.
(17) aluminum foil.
good news: second interview at potentially kickass job is
next week. other opportunities are presenting. i think i would like a
lucrative part-time opportunity on top of which i can layer freelance
gigs.
my glasses are filthy, and i need a pedicure.
|
Name: eJobless
Email:
Date: Wed Mar 7 14:24:45 2001
Comment: eBitch,
The people here in Texas have turned into Lotto lunatics!! I played
your numbers! I can see the headlines now...eBITCH OF NEW YORK WINS
TEXAS LOTTO!! Good luck to us both!!!
|
Name:
Email:
Date: Wed Mar 7 05:10:11 2001
Comment: dont have a choice i mean... tired, sleep now
|
Name:
Email:
Date: Wed Mar 7 05:09:32 2001
Comment:
i used to work in the insurance industry as a programmer and security
troublemaker... i also learned that if you lose your insurance, you can
elect to be covered under COBRA or CBRA (the code they usually give it)
and they have to continue covering you. Its the compromise thing that
clinton did instead of universal health care. The insurance companies
dont have a law, or maybe its your employer, but you ARE covered. |
Name: bob
Email: pale_13@usa.net
Date: Tue Mar 6 18:33:50 2001
Comment:
You guys can keep the fish. I'd rather have a venison steak roasting
over hot coals. Come to think of it, if I'm stranded up here in NY with
this "not-blizzard" for another day rescheduling interviews, I'm
inclined to shoot something and grill it. I'm getting a minor case of
cabin fever.
How would grilled snowplow taste?
|
Name: eJobless
Email:
Date: Tue Mar 6 13:46:47 2001
Comment:
Thanks for the numbers eBitch. I will purchase the ticket immediately!!
Sorry Cage! You still have the royalties from the Movie!!!! |
Name: ebitch
Email: ebitch@netslaves.com
Date: Tue Mar 6 11:55:03 2001
Comment: linnet, which cd should i start with?
|
Name: linnet
Email:
Date: Tue Mar 6 05:35:29 2001
Comment: Yay! P J Harvey is a goddess!
|
Name: Nick Cage
Email: ncage@itcouldhappentoyou.com
Date: Mon Mar 5 15:51:00 2001
Comment: Hey eJobless!
Can ya spare a cop some green too? I spent all my half of the
winnings on that damn whore of a waitress, and my wife took the other
half during the divorce.
Thank buddy!
-N. Cage
|
Name: ebitch
Email: ebitch@netslaves.com
Date: Mon Mar 5 15:37:22 2001
Comment: okay, here goes:
1, 13, 18, 25, 35, 36
|
Name: eJobless
Email:
Date: Mon Mar 5 15:23:50 2001
Comment:
Thanks eBitch!! If I win the 77 Million Texas Lottery, New York City
will be my first destination. Give me six numbers from 1 to 54 and I'll
play a set for you too!! We'll split it if your numbers win!!! I always
keep my word.
Take care.
|
Name: beammeup
Email: no@intelligentlife.net
Date: Mon Mar 5 13:45:23 2001
Comment: could be. . . I'll have to try it. . .
|
Name: bill
Email: bill@netslaves.com
Date: Mon Mar 5 13:31:51 2001
Comment: beam,
Shouldn't there be some lemon juice as well?
|
Name: beammeup
Email: no@intelligentlife.net
Date: Mon Mar 5 13:21:52 2001
Comment: 1 can solid white Albacore
1 golf ball sized onion
1 decent sized stalk of celery
1-2 tbsp mayonnaise
1-2 dashes black pepper (fresh ground is best)
1 6-8inch section of baguette
Mince the onion and celery. Combine the ingredients to make one kick ass sandwich. enjoy
|
Name: ebitch
Email: ebitch@netslaves.com
Date: Mon Mar 5 10:58:46 2001
Comment: all, happy monday. ejobless, it's a deal. i'll cook something amazing for you if you're ever in brooklyn.
|
Name: eJobless
Email:
Date: Mon Mar 5 10:52:54 2001
Comment: Hey eBitch,
The Texas Lotto is up to 77 Million. If I win, I will pay your
insurance for you until you land that kickass job!! Until then, take
your One A Day Vitamins and stick with the Veggies.
|
Name: Roscoe Felcher
Email: rfelcher@hotmail.com
Date: Mon Mar 5 09:10:52 2001
Comment: Okay a few things: Tom, no health insurance!?!,
do you have a financial death wish? It only takes a burst appendix,
alergic reaction, or say some bad salmon to put you in the hospital for
a week and a hoard of creditors on your tail. Unless you want to file
for bankruptcy.
Second point: COBRA insurance sucks, it wasn't that long ago that
I remember being in ebitch's situation, actually I was fecked-no real
dot involved-by a shitty disfunctional family run trade mag, you
wouldn't believe how close it is to the stories that you guys have--I'm
meandering, uh the point, anyway their hr manager- the owner's
daughter--it was really cute how she brought her daughter in to play
while we were working--oh yeah the point--it took a few registered
letters from my dad's law firm to even get the COBRA
information--finally the point: bad HR people really suck.
Finally a word of encouragement: after I was canned from a company
that embodied all that is evil and wrong: okay maybe just everything
half-assed, they really went out of their way to try to ruin me, they
gave terrible references, just two days before I was terminated, they
tried to get me to expense a huge sum of credit for a trip to Canada,
and God knows what else they would have done if I hadn't made it
absolutely clear that I had legal representation. The point is that
even with a lawyer I was feeling at least as low as you guys feel now.
I'm doing well now and things will get better for all of you who were
dot fecked. Those companies gave you something that is better than if
things would have been if the company had succeeded and you had
succeeded there, you're one hell of a lot smarter about work.
|
Name: ebitch
Email: ebitch@netslaves.com
Date: Mon Mar 5 01:02:14 2001
Comment:
i want to go fishing. in a boat. i want to wear an adorable fishing
outfit. i want to eat snacks in the boat and catch fish. how can i
arrange this? i've never done it.
wally, you sound like a real man. that's very sexy, all those lines dangling and all.
|
Name: Wally
Email: wloude@mailexcite.com
Date: Sun Mar 4 21:19:25 2001
Comment:
Nothing like fresh tuna. The yellowfin can be exciting to catch too.
Nothing like having eight lines out and having three of the reels go
off at once. Getting all three tuna into the boat without tangling the
lines takes some doing. While the tuna is bestgoing on the grill at
once, if you bleed it when you catch it, filet it and soak for a short
time in water, it does ok in the freezer. Whe it is too cold for
outdoor barbecue, that new George Foreman grill works wonders. It is
really worth the purchase price. |
Name: twisted sistah
Email: bitemybeaver@hotmail.com
Date: Sun Mar 4 20:21:23 2001
Comment:
Oh yeah two other things....
1) RE "HR is the Special Ed of Corporations:" ROFLLMAO! SO TRUE! SO
SAD! And remember, these are the idiots who can ususally get you fired
if you forget to smile at them while rushing to the john or a real
meeting or something....
2) In the US, some varieties of frozen veggies are actually
healthier than fresh, as some fresh veggies loose much vitamin value
immediatley after harvest and flash-freezing preserves them to a
degree. Always microwave or steam veggies if you can boiling drains off
vitamins. Take extra C anyway--I like Stresstabs with Zinc.
Also, do not neglect the cheap and very tasty Canned Jack Mackrel
for a meat/fish source. It's largely a culturally-acquired taste but it
DOES go well on rice or other grains with strong seasonings, especially
garlic or pepper-based ones. I like Texmati rice with Jack Mackrel on
top, with either blackbean/garlic sauce or garlic/redpepper sauce on
it...and a piece of fruit for dessert. An arsenal of cheap but good
Asian condiments makes a diet of cheap food very very good
indeed....take my word for it...
|
Name: twisted sistah
Email: bitemybeaver@hotmail.com
Date: Sun Mar 4 20:15:21 2001
Comment:
Ebitch and all others in HMO trouble:
Call 411 in NY and ask for the State Atty General's office.
Do the phone tree or ask for a human and ask for the number for HMO abuses.
They will give you a case worker. They will call the guilty parties
in 48 hours. Instant results and miraculous things will then begin to
happen for you in the paperwork department. As if by magic, all those
clueless folks get a lot smarter.
Do it! I did.....and it literally saved me thousands of dollars in nonreimbursed expenses....
|
Name: ebitch
Email: ebitch@netslaves.com
Date: Sun Mar 4 16:57:15 2001
Comment:
dotcommie and others who struggle with insurance, i hear you. i've been
wishing the whole industry would go away and we could just agree on
reasonable rates to pay to doctors. talk about an unnecessary,
blood-sucking industry. which is worse, insurance or hr people?
|
Name: dotcommie
Email: commie@youworkit.com
Date: Sun Mar 4 16:49:39 2001
Comment:
I got totally nailed on COBRA ... the month I quit my last full time
job, they had switched to the WORST INSURANCE COMPANY IN THE WORLD.
So I decided to insure myself.... and my family.
1400 a freaking month!!!
|
Name: ebitch
Email: ebitch@netslaves.com
Date: Sun Mar 4 12:52:24 2001
Comment:
in my mind, fresh and canned are almost different animals. for one, the
cut of tuna is different. it's like sushi grade fish versus the kind
they put in cat food. fresh is to be eaten on that day or at the very
latest, the day after. it belongs on the grill, my friends. which
reminds me, i have to get my weber back from my friend rie. yes, lemon
s.o.s. pads rule. naked women, too. |
Name: secretagent
Email:
Date: Sun Mar 4 12:46:40 2001
Comment: ebitch you forgot to pick up a steak
|
Name:
Email:
Date: Sun Mar 4 12:00:07 2001
Comment: Naked women and shellfish? Now there's an interesting mental image....
|
Name: steve gilliard
Email: sgilliard@netslaves.com
Date: Sun Mar 4 10:00:13 2001
Comment: Bill,
You can eat the bones. My favorite meal is canned salmon and rice with onions.
ebitch,
Yes, fresh fish requires some handling, if you don't cook it right
away. I usually toss it in the freezer myself. Hell, when I was a kid,
my uncles would bring home mackerel from their fishing trips. My mother
hated cleaning them, but the only thing I like more than fresh fish are
naked women and shellfish.:-) |
Name: nan
Email:
Date: Sun Mar 4 09:53:51 2001
Comment: e, I'm not sure yet. Guess I'll just have to see what you do with it :-)
As for the "fresh vs. canned" debate (doesn't this sound
better/worse than boxers v. briefs?) well I admit to being addicted to
canned tuna, light mayo added, chilled in the fridge after 24 h. |
Name: bill
Email: bill@netslaves.com
Date: Sun Mar 4 01:43:52 2001
Comment:
Canned salomn has too many bones in it. As for tuna, it's OK. But you
have to add other stuff to it, like onions, to make it palatable.
Lemon-scented S.O.S. pads rule.
|
Name: monty
Email: montyphan@hotmail.com
Date: Sun Mar 4 01:02:58 2001
Comment:
those damn soy chips. my wife is addicted to those things. she had me
pick up some at the store for her, so i went to the chips aisle, and i
couldn't find them. then i figured they'd be in the natural foods (as
opposed to unnatural) aisle, but they weren't there either. so i get
home and tell her i couldn't find them, and she says they're in the
produce aisle. oh, of course! now, ebitch, can you please explain why
soy chips would be in the produce aisle? and is being sent to find
obscure items at the grocery store some sort of rite of passage
husbands must go through, sort of like the "reward challenge" in
"survivor"?
also, speaking of fish, i saw some commercial for what appeared to
be freeze-dried tuna. just add water. it looked absolutely vile. is it
that difficult to open a can? |
Name: Tom
Email: tpepin@yoyomamedia.com
Date: Sat Mar 3 23:42:58 2001
Comment:
Insurance? feck it if you're young... I spent most of my twenties with
no insurance... It's all a waste of money if you don't use it... I
don't, I never get sick... I'll probably drop dead after after I hit
the submit button. |
Name: ebitch
Email: ebitch@netslaves.com
Date: Sat Mar 3 23:20:38 2001
Comment:
well yes, fresh beats canned, but fresh isn't always on the menu. fresh
has to be bought that day and requires careful attention canned can be
thrown into whatever at any time of day with no preparation. it has its
uses. i adore salmon.
nan, i will keep up the journal but it will turn into an employment
journal or something else. what would you like to see it turn into?
e
|
Name: steve gilliard
Email: sgilliard@netslaves.com
Date: Sat Mar 3 22:26:05 2001
Comment: Fresh fish over canned any day. I prefer Salmon, but that's me.:-)
|
Name: nan
Email:
Date: Sat Mar 3 22:05:07 2001
Comment: hey ebitch, if you get this kickass job, are you going to keep this up as an employment journal?
In any case, good luck.
|
Name: Paul
Email: winopaul@yahoo.com
Date: Sat Mar 3 18:57:15 2001
Comment:
Human Resources departments must be some form of corporate welfare for
the clueless and otherwise unemployable. I think it exists only as a
place for featherbedding jobs for pals of the management. I have had
hinring managers tell me they spend hours making a detailed job
discription and then HR sends them 50 resumes with absolutely no
connection to the job. Stuff lke photoshop graphic designers for a
digital harware logic designer. As a contractor my biggest difficulty
is often getting around the chair warmers in HR to get to a hiring
manager that can I can actually describe my services. HR is like the
special-ed class of the corporate world. I am not even going to mess
with the cobra from my tanked startup and just go buy the 80 bucks a
month catastrophic coverage from Blue Shield like I used to. Live free
or die. |
Name:
Email:
Date: Sat Mar 3 18:03:54 2001
Comment:
Do your self a favor and get some fresh tuna some time. Word of
caution, you may not want to eat any canned or otherwise processed tuna
for a while after. |
Name: Lala
Email:
Date: Sat Mar 3 17:11:43 2001
Comment:
Oy. Oy. Oy. I have the same COBRA story. My insurance coverage ended
January 31, and I have received feckall from the insurance company in
the way of paperwork. My prescriptions cost 225 a month. I had to go to
my doctor last week, and beg for a month's worth of samples to tide me
over.
I called the insurance company and they claimed they had sent out
the COBRA forms weeks before, but they would send new ones that very
day. I still haven't received them.
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