Unemployment Journal IV: In the Middle of the Night (EBitch's Corruscating, End-of-the-world Diary on Being Young and Hopeless in a Tech Recession)
Posted Tue Feb 6 00:35:57 2001 by ebitch |
By ebitch
four sixteen a.m.
dear unemployment journal,
i can't believe i just called my friend on the telephone. really it was more like twelve (12) minutes ago, but still, it's an obscene hour. i woke up wide-awake only sixteen (16) minutes ago and debated over whether i could call this friend, then decided the odds were fifty-fifty that the call would be received in a positive manner. my friend said,”isn't it, like, four in the morning?” and i said, “yeah,” and she said, “oh,” and then i said, “i can't sleep.”
so now i'm sitting here at my table completely naked looking at a stack of bills and papers although i can't see them very clearly because my glasses are not in this room.
where _are_ my glasses?
i will pay my bills tomorrow. i will file them away tomorrow. yes, i will clear this mess off my table.
four twenty-two a.m.
will my friend hate me now, after this act of thoughtlessness? hopefully i will be forgiven. maybe i'm dreaming.
another friend, one whom i did not call at four a.m., was just fired from aol. i just read an email from him explaining the massacre scene associated with his firing. it was ugly. he is a good man who loves jesus a lot.
my laundry is still at the laundry place. i would call them and have it delivered, but delivery stops at midnight. that is why i tolerate those bastards. they pick up and deliver until midnight. they don't use enough detergent and they don't fold things nicely, but i often wait until my laundry bag is as big as a person, a tall lumpy person, and then start wanting someone to come pick it up and take care of it. they are the only ones who will.
this time, two(2) small boys were sent to pick up the laundry. one had to be ten (10), the other probably eight(8). aside from the fact this was kind of darling, i didn't feel compelled to tip them for the mere act of picking up my laundry i'm happy to reward whoever returns my laundry to me, however. i heard the smaller boy say to the other, or possibly to me, “thanks for the tip.”
i stuck my head out of the door and said, “you get a tip for bringing it back, little guy,” and he said, probably shocked that i'd heard him, “oh.” he is lucky i am a nice person and did not push him down the stairs, steal his wallet, or sell him into slavery.
later that evening i went out and found a sock of mine on the stairs. was this intentional or just part of being a child of eight (8) hauling fifty-something (50+) pounds of laundry down five (5) flights? isn't it against the law to work when you're eight(8)?
i called the laundry place and relayed the events and was assured he would be fired.
so now i am worrying about this laundry, where it is, what state it's in, how much it will cost, and how i wish someone else would put my clothes away when it does finally return.
one day while i was still at my wonderful dot-com job, i was worrying aloud about my laundry and someone made a startling suggestion. you see, i couldn't seem to coordinate the laundry pick-up with the times i was at home. this had been going on for several days. so the suggestion was that i do the laundry myself. i had not thought of that. that idea was considered as a novelty, then rejected.
now i wonder, will i have to do my laundry myself?
i also wonder, will my friend talk to me ever again?
four thirty-seven a.m.
it's too early to start drinking coffee. but i could begin an arts and crafts project in honor of my friend who will probably never speak to me again for calling at the perverted hour of four (4) o'clock a.m.
this arts and crafts project will show my sincere remorse, but in a light, playful manner. it will have utility, which according to some on a discussion list i partake of dedicated to the evil of crafts, disqualifies it from being known as “arts and crafts” or even just “crafts.”
this so-called “arts and crafts” project, hereafter referred to as “A and C,” will serve as a conduit, a channel, a vessel, for anything my friend, if she does not kick my unemployed ass or even if she does but still remains my friend, wishes to save. perhaps she will store receipts in it. perhaps she will store business cards, coupons, newspaper clippings or rubber bands in it.
four forty-three a.m.
i'm starting to feel tired now. i might take my fresh new copy of the village voice to bed with me. it has a monkey-like rendering of our new president, whose nickname according to me is “the idiot president,” on the cover. it says “hail to the chimp.”
my friend, the one who was disturbed by me, an inconsiderate unemployed person, at four (4) a.m., thinks our new monkey-president was a good governor for the state of texas. i read somewhere that laura monkey-bush, his wife, loves the singer van morrison and buys drugstore make-up. just how special that is is hard to quantify.
our first lady wears drug-store makeup. great!
i wonder how many van morrison records are flying off the shelves now as a result of this revelation. i have nothing against van morrison, i just wish she'd said she was into the magnetic fields or nashville pussy instead.
is it wrong to drink orange juice out of the container?
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Name: ebitch
Email: ebitch@servemyass.com
Date: Fri Feb 9 14:00:26 2001
Comment: dearest kitkit,
let's do it.
e
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Name: kitkit
Email: giner99@yahoo.com
Date: Thu Feb 8 19:26:39 2001
Comment: ebitch,
the journaling circle idea is priceless. i, for one, would be interested.
happy to hear your sims are flourishing.
-kitkit
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Name: ebitch
Email: ebitch@servemyass.com
Date: Thu Feb 8 16:55:41 2001
Comment: dear ejobless, i'm sorry. that really sucks. 10,000 people, huh? that's almost as many people as about.com has. were you applying to be the law guide? damn. you can have fun with a law degree. you can write scary letters to people who annoy you.
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Name: eb
Email:
Date: Thu Feb 8 16:45:40 2001
Comment:
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Name: eJobless
Email:
Date: Thu Feb 8 16:16:39 2001
Comment: Guess what eBitch, one of the two companies that was considering me for employment has announced it will layoff 10,000 people. Of course they called me two days before to announce that they would not need my services. Now, that was a real Bitch!!! One down, one to go...after that, I'll take the 9.00 per hour job I was offered and lay low and keep quiet. I do have a law degree. I guess I can study for the bar now!!
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Name: bob
Email: pale_13@usa.net
Date: Thu Feb 8 14:50:55 2001
Comment: thanks ebitch, I feel all warm and tingly now. Of course, that could be the antihistimines...
:)
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Name: ebitch
Email: ebitch@servemyass.com
Date: Thu Feb 8 14:25:09 2001
Comment: bob, this was a technical glitch. your posts rock ass. for all those who didn't get to read some of the more entertaining posts that got 86d, the most enjoyable were some whiney, judgmental missives by jealous sissy-boys who think i should haul my laundry up and down five flights to save three dollars. one in particular was a mr. lee, who volunteered to do my laundry but arrived wearing a spandex bodysuit that snaps at the crotch and struggled mightily with my bag of laundry then collapsed into a shrieking heap, crying "mama, mama." then there was a moron who suggested i drink vodka and go to an aa meeting. lots of dopey advice-giving by well-meaning idiots who don't understand what a journal is and who don't realize this is _my_ column and that they should only address me if granted permission, but only as "mistress ebitch."
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Name: bob
Email: pale_13@usa.net
Date: Thu Feb 8 11:59:00 2001
Comment: bill:
If I'm guilt of spamming the boards, just let me know, okay? :)
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Name: bill
Email: bill@netslaves.com
Date: Thu Feb 8 02:21:51 2001
Comment: Folks,
We realize that posts are getting wacked. Our apologies. We're working on the problem.
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Name: ebitch
Email: ebitch@servemyass.com
Date: Tue Feb 6 21:42:00 2001
Comment: eric, your idea of actually talking about job-finding activities is a good one. i keep all that on a spread sheet, it's very factual, not that satisfying grist for a journal, but you'll be the first to know if/when there have been any interesting hits.
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Name: ebitch
Email: ebitch@servemyass.com
Date: Tue Feb 6 21:34:58 2001
Comment: mr. lee, thank you for your kind words. perhaps you would like to do my laundry?
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Name: mrlee
Email: mrleemrlee1@home.com
Date: Tue Feb 6 16:45:03 2001
Comment: That must suck, the prospect of not having someone else to do your laundry! I weep for you!
I'm sorry you lost your job. But there's a real world out there you've always been a part of it, you just haven't had to face it.
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Name: bob
Email:
Date: Tue Feb 6 16:00:16 2001
Comment: And to expound on Eric's idea, be sure to use the rhyme and meter of Poe's "The Raven." It could be interesting. Something to the effect of:
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I emailed, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious application to e-tail stores,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my firewall door.
"'Tis some recruiter," I muttered, "tapping at my firewall door —
Only SPAM, and nothing more."
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Name: Eric
Email:
Date: Tue Feb 6 15:48:22 2001
Comment: ebitch - it may be interesting if you chronicled your attempts at getting a job... may help others in the same boat.
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Name: eJobless
Email:
Date: Tue Feb 6 13:46:03 2001
Comment: eBitch,
You made me cry. I was already at the edge of depression and you pushed me over!
Now, I will attempt not to drown in sorrow with two big macs, two large orders of fries and a chocolate shake (large).
I will stay focused and attend a Geek Meet in Dallas on Wednesday and keep hoping that one of the two companies that are considering me for employment call me this week.
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Name: ebitch
Email: ebitch@servemyass.com
Date: Tue Feb 6 12:45:56 2001
Comment: m@, i'll be happy to email you next time i'm up at four.
what's interesting to me are all the projections people bring to my journal. i am having the time of my life. i am taking time to enjoy my friends, write every day, water my plants, and give service each tuesday night at my place of chanting.
i would be happy to lead a journaling circle for those wanting to share the love.
in the meantime, there have been some amazing turns of events in the world of my sims.
love,
ebitch
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Name: m@
Email: kerouaciness@hotmail.com
Date: Tue Feb 6 10:37:15 2001
Comment: I'm jealous, t'wasn't me that was called.
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Name: chuck
Email:
Date: Tue Feb 6 09:30:38 2001
Comment: Amarand
Add semicolons to the list of "unprintable" symbols.
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Name: Chuck
Email:
Date: Tue Feb 6 09:27:16 2001
Comment: Ebitch is the best writer here (unless the others are holding back). She should get a job writing and forget her old dot-com job. She could still write for Netslaves I'm assuming, of course, that Netslaves doesn't pay.
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Name: Amarand Agasi
Email: amarand@amarand.org
Date: Tue Feb 6 08:10:21 2001
Comment: There goes Steve and Bill censoring out my dollar signs and my pound-signs. You guys are great!
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Name: Amarand Agasi
Email: amarand@amarand.org
Date: Tue Feb 6 08:08:12 2001
Comment: Ebitch captures the frustration of being unemployed in a way that's accessable. I remember, years ago, having bills and debts that were just strewn around the room...unfiled.... I knew if I were to look at them (you have to do that to file them) then they would become real, and I would have to figure out how to pay 1,000 per month worth of bills with 500 worth of money or less. I can totally relate to the situation.
I think it's strange that these kids were 8 and 10...I didn't think you could work at that age, but maybe things are different in NYC, that great city. I probably would have tipped them for the positive karma, even if it were just a token amount...those kids had to work hard to move that big sack of laundry.
I know not everyone here on this message board, reading these messages, is unemployed. I know that reading Ebitch's messages makes me wonder: could I be next? What would I do if I were? Am I prepared? Would life suck?
Sometimes, it takes someone writing from their own personal life experience to jolt you into action. I know everyone here who has a job could easily take a few bucks a week and set it aside in a savings account and just not touch it. It might be difficult at first, but you'd forget about it soon enough.... Then, when you get unemployed, regardless of whether or not you get unemployment for whatever reason, you've got a few bucks to fall back on.
The positive thing is, the economy runs in cycles, and this just happens to be a down part of the cycle...everything recovers eventually...this too shall pass. Having friends, and a support network, can help you through the toughest of times.
Most important thing to remember Ebitch is that as long as you make the rent your 1 priority, you probably won't get evicted. Food and clothing come next. You can easily dig yourself out of debt (with a good plan) when you get your next full-time steady job.
And no, it's not wrong to drink orange juice out of the container, unless you live with someone else who likes to drink orange juice. :)
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Name: Al
Email: sorryalek@yahoo.com
Date: Tue Feb 6 04:22:54 2001
Comment: Don't PANIC
(And for god's sake spare your friends strange calls at weird hours of the night. So grieve and
wallow in it for a while and soon enough it will be time to kick yourself in the butt , You are not alone and it is not the end of the world and friends forgive )
Look, I'm in the same boat, but I've learned few things over the years:
File for unemployment and be frugal, but not miserly (or miserable).
network, network, network
Don't give up but learn to accept this as a time to experiment. Treat yourself well and take your vitamins and find something fun to do. It's too easy to slip into depression and falling into the "I'll do it tomorrow" trap. (I am bipolar and I really do understand the moods, the ups and downs).
Look at life - either you have the money but don't have the time or you have the time but
a whole lot less money. What is the phrase " So many ???, so little time" - well now you
have some time. Go spend it finding whatever your ???? is now and go do it.
Think of this a great time to go do something you always wanted too but didn't have the time
(Although I'd question your choice of handcrafts a "little hand lamb" its a start - or did they
change the project ?).
Write the great revenge novel -use your ex-employers foibles for fun and profit.
As of Jan 6th I also became one of the unemployed but now I've been watching all those movies
(matinees) that I wanted to see, gone to the half price book places and read whatever the hell interests me, gone camping (hey it's cheap and fun), started that exercise program - walking 5 miles a day and doing the hand weight thing and volunteering. There are volunteer groups
worldwide who could use your help - think habitat for humanity, second harvest or something
else worthy of your time. Paint your rooms an outlandish color. Do something physical
and fun to take yourself into a better time. Dance, walk, skip, skate but get your rear in
gear and get outside and play. Treat it like a vacation and not the end of your world.
Yeah it will be a drag to find a new job but "them's the breaks".
Think about what you really want to do in life and make it your next career and in the meantime
enjoy.
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Name: bill
Email: bill@netslaves.com
Date: Tue Feb 6 04:07:15 2001
Comment: Rod,
Who put a bug up your ass? ebitch isn't whining. She's humorously trying to make the best of a bad situation.
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Name: hedgehog
Email:
Date: Tue Feb 6 03:15:10 2001
Comment: What's sad, is, that even though I didn't hold one of the more glamorous dot-com jobs (I was just a dispensable office manager), I'm still a victim of this whole debacle. And, frankly, it's downright scary how similar what I'm doing and going through on a daily basis is to ebitch's experience. This isn't whining it's venting. It's relaying the tedium your life becomes when you don't have any reason to get up in the morning. Keep it up, ebitch...some of us out here need to read that we aren't alone in this ennui.
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Name: Rod Johnson
Email: rod_johnson@hotmail.com
Date: Tue Feb 6 02:30:19 2001
Comment: Forget the OJ, switch to vodka, then you can take your whining to an AA meeting where it belongs.
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Name: steve gilliard
Email: sgilliard@yahoo.com
Date: Tue Feb 6 01:04:41 2001
Comment: Not if you live alone or with people who do not drink OJ. It is not wrong then.
Otherwise, calling people at 4 AM should be attached to either a crisis or a desperate need for sex.
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