Unemployment Journal Part II: The Existential Burrito (EBitch's Ongoing Study of Life Without Energy, Purpose, and a Job)
Posted Wed Jan 24 11:54:34 2001 by ebitch |
By ebitch
friday, 1/19/01
tonight, i hung up on the burrito man.
he was unable to understand the language i was using to convey my order, english. i couldn't take it. i barely got past the numbers of my street address and i realized i could not go through with it. considering i didn't know what i was going to order, i would never be able to engage this person in the sort of discussion i need to have with someone taking my food order, that someone needs to be able to interpret what i want - and make on-the-fly suggestions - as i attempt to describe it. so i cut my losses.
when i called, i got the number from information (411). i was at a friend's house, and she got mad that i dialed information and then proceeded to dial “1” to have the phone company automatically dial the number for me. i felt guilty, but only for a second, because she still has a job. also, i bought her a two-liter bottle of coke on my way over, and i'm not going to bill her for it on paypal the way i usually bill her for her frequent short-term loans.
i had a backup plan to the burrito, of course. i brought with me a slab of cheap cheddar cheese and some pretzel nuggets. i was offered some nice fresh samantha's orange juice. so that worked out pretty well.
oh, and the job i wanted fell through for now...maybe it will happen later, when business is better. i am fecked.
i am imagining the very worst: office temping.
earlier, my buzzer rang, and it was the department of sanitation. i asked what i could do for them. the woman asked if there was a super or a landlord around. i said not that i know of. she asked if i knew anything about the garbage out front. i envisioned the revolting collection of blue, clear and black bags littering the sidewalk, with old, dirty snow beneath. she wanted to know if the trash belonged to our building, or to the one next door. i said i didn't know anything about the trash but that i was sorry i couldn't be more helpful in the matter. i told her i hoped she'd have a nice day.
i spent the day obsessing about getting a job. i looked in the village voice. i looked online. i sent a bunch of resumes, maybe five. i contemplated all the jobs i've ever had. i realized i would not wind up walking dogs again, for i am a new media professional. i will survive.
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Name: Carl Guderian
Email: carlg@vermilion-sands.com
Date: Thu Feb 1 13:13:32 2001
Comment: Merv Griffin!
Merv Griffin!!
MERV GRIFFIN!!
MERV GRIFFIN!!!!
Gotta love Milk Cheese! Almost as hilariously violent as the Post Bros (RIP) and the denizens of Beerlight.
Anyway, ebitch, yer not totally fecked you didn't share the misery with the sanitation woman.
Good luck
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Name: MasterPo
Email:
Date: Fri Jan 26 09:50:50 2001
Comment:
SM cooking - whipping cream and beating eggs :->
Gives new meaning to the phrase "Stuffing the bird"!
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Name: Amarand Agasi
Email: amarand@amarand.org
Date: Fri Jan 26 08:09:13 2001
Comment: You think cheese and milk have it bad! Just think about the horrid working conditions of cream just before it's beaten for hours, then run around in a centrifuge, extruded and packaged. That would HAVE to be painful. So butter truly "takes the cheese" so to speak.
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Name: twisted sistah
Email: bitemybeaver@hotmail.com
Date: Thu Jan 25 18:16:33 2001
Comment:
Steve:
MILK AND CHEESE! THE BEST COMIC EVER WRITTEN!
Suffice it to say I have every issue...and as many copies of "Dork" and "Toy Piano" as I can find...
Don't forget...Milk and Cheese..."When Dairy Products go Bad...."
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Name: MasterPo
Email:
Date: Thu Jan 25 14:52:04 2001
Comment:
Couldn't we think of cheese as Super Milk?
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Name: ebitch
Email: ebitch@servemyass.com
Date: Thu Jan 25 12:35:20 2001
Comment: well, i can imagine milk would have homicidal urges given the appalling (sp?) conditions under which it is created, unless it is organic milk, naturally.
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Name: Steve Gilliard
Email: sgiliard@yahoo.com
Date: Thu Jan 25 09:33:07 2001
Comment: Read Evan Dorkin's Milk and Cheese, his comic about a homicidal carton of milk and wedge of cheese.
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Name: ebitch
Email: ebitch@servemyass.com
Date: Wed Jan 24 21:34:37 2001
Comment: steve, i don't understand. i do like the thought of a carton of anything, though. you're too smooth to be a wedge.
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Name: Amarand Agasi
Email: amarand@amarand.org
Date: Wed Jan 24 18:39:09 2001
Comment: I read it so closely, I started to hallucinate that Steve wrote it instead of e-Bitch.... :)
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Name: Amarand Agasi
Email: amarand@amarand.org
Date: Wed Jan 24 18:37:35 2001
Comment: Hey Steve, I read your article like youse said! Where's my 5 bucks? Cheaper than a New York lunch! :)
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Name: Steve Gilliard
Email: sgilliard@yahoo.com
Date: Wed Jan 24 17:45:21 2001
Comment: I am a carton of hate and wedge of spite.
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Name: powerbeagle
Email: nybeagle@yahoo.com
Date: Wed Jan 24 16:03:54 2001
Comment: I am glad to see you have a more positive outlook this week ebitch. You are a real professional - all real new media pros will survive the temporary downturn in our industry when all those clueless wannabes go back to the pathetic jobs they came from.
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Name: MasterPo
Email:
Date: Wed Jan 24 13:57:17 2001
Comment:
Billing your friends via PayPal - I love it!!! That's true creativity. If I had the power to hire I'd make you an offer just for that insight. :-)
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