Love-O-Ween Special!

love, sex, and thanks
all the fish

by Morbus

This article had to come sooner or later, and what better time than now? With Clinton and his thousands of whores, the words "sex" and "affair" have been plastered all over the media even more than usual. This doesn't involve some butt-grinding with a sports announcer, this involves the man we have elected to run our country having a bit more fun than walking around in a suit, avoiding cream pies (i.e. Bill Gates) or puking in some dignitary's lap (i.e. George Bush).

Clinton can stand behind a podium and wag his finger as much as he wants. He can get all puffy faced; he can phlegm on the microphone. He can walk around with his wife and have pictures taken of him half naked on a beach. Nothing can distract from the fact that our President MIGHT have had sex with someone outside his family (there is some sick humor if you read into that).

The point isn't whether he did it or not, whether he inhaled or begged, or whether he accepted a suck. He can be guilty or innocent... we shouldn't look at his character, but rather, what he is being accused OF.

Sex. The deadly three-letter word. There have been more black flags raised about sex than about gay pirates, mice with ears on their back, or that stupid illegitimate sheep. Sex is what makes the world go round, and there is nothing more flashy in media except perhaps death or violence. We seem to be infatuated with the idea... that somehow that three letter word was all that stood between us and existence.

Sex is sold on the street, sold in the media, sold in the movies. Sex is a release or a job. Sex is oral, anal, penetration, kinky. Sex is sleek, slim, and well curved. Sex is Madonna's crappy book, and Pamela Anderson's stupid videos that keep getting released. Sex is a penis inside a vagina.

But Morbus! Morbus! (oooh, oooh, question, question!) "What about the sex that is shared between people who are in love? There is much more than what you describe." Yes, Mr. Spock... I agree with you. Let me explain:

I am an old school relationship man. I don't agree with kissing on the first date; I want to carry her bags; I want to pay for everything. I want to make her life as pleasant as possible when she is around me (which nowadays is considered chauvinistic because of some weird woman's right thing). I don't agree with sex before marriage.

To me, sex is the ultimate act of love. One to be cherished and saved until you have that stupid marriage license and sure that your wife is the one you will be spending the rest of your life with. Some people are saying "So, Morbus is never going to have sex?" I see what you mean: marriage means shat... there is no long term commitment anymore and divorce runs rampant. Even with this constantly nagging in my head, I need that irrational piece of paper. Piece of paper, peace of mind.

I could go on about what I believe in. But who cares anymore? I am one of few. There are children getting pregnant at 14. There are guys who have a girl in every town. I know people who can't begin to grasp my view on life. For them driving to get boffed by Sarah, FiFi, and Ginger is a habit, a lifestyle. They balk at the word "love" and live by the word "lust".

For them, sex is a release. Bad day at work? Have some sex. Little bit too stressful? Sex and some drugs. Kinda depressed? Round robbin': as much as you can get before 3 am. Sex is merely a tool to get through the tough times and release some of your pent up energy. And hell, sometimes you can bring a friend, and tag team. Sex is a game or an appointment.

And sex is a job. Go to any major city and you can see porno bars, prostitutes, and pimps. For a small amount of money, you can talk for a little bit and then have sex, or just start in a pumpin'. Whores work double time as psychologists, and the only pill they prescribe is a muscle relaxant. And most of the time they are cheaper; unlike with psychologists, you don't have to come back week after week. But, just as people can not see my point of view about love and sex, I can not see the pleasure obtained in sex with someone you don't even know. Peace of mind before pleasure of flesh. Seven words which I live by.

And sex is also love. Rarely, but then again, I am jaded. Sex is shared by those who see eye to eye, those whose minds work on the same frequency, and whose smiles make the other all warm and fuzzy inside. These people often don't even mention "sex". They call it "love", a big difference. To them, it is no longer considered a release, a job, or a tool. It is affection.

So what is love? Love is individualistic... any attempt to explain it to other people will always fail.

What is affection? It used to be kissing. Your parents used to warn you about kissing on the first date and make a big fuss about it. Now the concern is about having sex on the first date. Sex has taken the place of kissing. It is the new affection. Where can we go from there? Kissing wasn't enough... otherwise it wouldn't have been eclipsed by a different kind of penetration. After sex there might be nothing powerful enough besides death. Parents will become paranoid about their children being found dead at the bottom of a cliff, hands clutched tightly with someone they have never seen before.

Whose hand is Clinton clutching tightly? It is not the American public's. We love rising against people who are "better" than us. We feel more powerful when we have bad thoughts about someone we should hold dear to us.

And what if it isn't Hillary? Sure, we see newsfeeds of them holding hands, and his family standing beside him pleading that we just let him get back to "work". All for the American public. Does it really matter if Clinton supposedly slept with fifty other people (or so the "all the president's women" scarelines lead you to believe)? We can accept sex being sold on our street, we can sleep around ourselves, we can get married, divorced or cheat. Yet, the President, who we secretly hope to know is as human as us, cannot do the same? Is sex not the type of humanity that we want the President to display for us?

In a world where sex is neccessity and birth is evolution, does it really matter? The media does not harp on what kind of milk we buy or what kind of cereal we like to have in the morning. That is as much a part of our lives as sex is... perhaps they simply have too many letters, or don't look threatening enough.

Have your milk, your sex, your cereal, your junkfood, your TV, your sex, your air, your work, your friendship... they are all a part of something called life.

it came upon a love scene
by Morbus

"Well, see I was sitting in the corner, you see, so I didn't really catch any of it, but I did catch enough to tell you THAT man is the one who killed her! So heartless and cruel, right in the middle of the love scene! Why'd you have to do it, mister? All I know is that I want you in jail!" He wrung his sweaty hands and leaned into the microphone, beginning to tell his tale. "I was busy watchin' the movie, sittin' in the corner like I said before, eatin' my popcorn and enjoyin' the show, and actually gettin' a little anxious about seein' what was gonna happen next." The man blushed. "I had just put a handful of popcorn in my mouth when I saw that guy" he pointed to the red haired man, "stand up directly in my view, on my right. I was about to yell at him, when the next thing I heard was this scream. And that guy," a croak, a falter, and a nod from the interrogator to go on, "and that guy said something and then raised his hand. And in his hand he held this weird sort of pin thing, and there was something dripping off the end. It was definitely blood, I'm sure of that! It all happened in about a second... and I hope you go to jail, mister!" A nod, a pat on the back, and the man got up and left to be replaced by a spiked haired, gum-chewing Chicana.

"Oh yeah, I saw the whole thing." she began. "How could I not, I was sittin' two rows away, ya know! It happened about at the exact time that the love scene began, and ya know, I was even kinda getting... well, ya know. Now, don't think I'm a pervert or anything. I don't like that kinda stuff, I like ya know, bad action Schwartzenegger films, but my boyfriend wanted to go, ya know, so I went with him. I dumped him a week ago, gettin' too fresh on... what? Oh yeah. Well, I was taking a sip of my juice and I saw this guy come out to my left and laugh and then look down. It was strange at the time, but ya know, oh well, it happens. My ex yelled something, and the guy sat down, but I didn't hear no screams or nothing, the music was so damned loud... oops, I'm sorry... and I certainly didn't see that guy!" A point, a nod, a departure.

An announcement, a gesture, and an arrival. "I can definitely say that that man is not the one you are looking for. My weekends are rather mundane so I usually go to some of the new film noir being released. Maybe you've seen some yourself? The Maltese Falcon? Maybe Casablanca? Oh? Oh well. I was one of the first to arrive and I saw everyone who came in, and he was not one of them." Another nod, another departure, and finally another arrival.

"I know who that man is," the distinctly feminine voice answered. "He is my husband. We went to the movie theatre together." A deep sigh. "We went in hopes that it would give some ideas for ourselves, but at the time that the scene started," a large blush and a shaking head, "he said he had to go to the bathroom and left. The next thing I knew I heard a scream and I looked behind me, and there... there was my husband standing over this girl with a shocked expression on her face. There was blood all over her seat, and just him, the girl, and that other guy sitting at the end of the row. Oh, it was horrible, just horrible." A handerkerchief was handed to her, and a glass of water. She used both and then descended. And a little girl ascended.

"I was there with my mommy. She didn't want to go alone because she was afraid of somethin', so I went with her and... I saw that man." A point and a little shake that everyone could easily tell was a sign of nervousness. Some more prodding, and then "Oh yeah, I saw what happened." A secretive smile. "My mommy had put my hands over my eyes, but I could see through them. The man was walking up the aisle and talked to a girl. Something happened and he called her a bad word. Oh, my mommy told me never to say that." Some more prodding, and the girl snuck a look over to her mommy who gave her a small nod. "The man called her a bi... a bitc... the man called her a bitch." The girl smiled and clasped her hand over her mouth, and didn't let go until the interrogation began again. "After that something happened but my mommy moved her hands and I couldn't see anymore. But I heard a loud scream and then it was all quiet and my mommy moved her hands and I saw the man leaning over her with something in his hand. I didn't know what it was, but I know it was sharp." A lollipop and a pat on the head, and the mother replaced her daughter.

"I didn't really see anything. This is very hard, gentlemen. I'm kind of a ... uh..., well, sirs, I like watching those type of movies. I brought my daughter so she could be a witness if something happened to me, but I never expected an actual rape would happen a few feet in front of me. It's definitely not something I want my daughter to see." A few more questions, repetitions of what others had said, and she too was dismissed.

The man whom they were all speaking of sighed and walked up to the light, drinking a glass of water on the way. He had sat passively listening to all they had to say and now it was his turn.

"I only went to the movies because it was my wife's idea. I thought our relationship was going fine, but she wanted more excitement, I guess. So when the scene finally came up, I began to feel a little uncomfortable and decided to go relieve myself and maybe play a few of the arcade games. So, I told my wife and began to walk up the aisle when this girl motioned to me. She seemed innocent so I went and leaned down to talk to her. She then looked at the tie I was wearing and remarked on my tie tack. She asked if she could see a closer look so I gave it to her." A pause and the tie tack was shown, glittering as the light reflected off the diamonds. She asked if it was from my wife, and I nodded, a little puzzled, and she said, "Nice zircon." I guess I got kinda mad, I mean, she was insulting my wife and I called her a bitch and then tried to get it back. When she started to hand it back, it fell and landed in her soda, and I reached down to grab it and then tried to dry it off, and I purposely got some soda on her because you know I was still kinda mad at her. Then... for some strange reason she cried out and I saw a movement to the left and then this guy seemed to get off the floor and sit back into his seat at the end of the row. I could see him put his eyeglasses on and then something in his pocket, and I naturally just assumed that he had dropped something. I'm tellin ya, I did not kill this girl and I have no idea how she was raped, but I did" a forceful shout, "I did NOT do it!"

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First off, before I mount the soap box, I have to say I'm not a knee jerk kind of person, so I have really, cross my heart, thought about this Clinton thing before I formed an opinion, not just listened to what the party line was on either side.

Isn't it funny how, if you ask the average woman or man "Hey, what if your daughter, your little girl, showed up with tales of her husband screwing around behind her back with someone 20 years younger, a woman who is actually writing a book about their affair (And keep in mind all the libel lawyers out there. Ya need a LOT of poop on someone to write a book, elsewise lawsuits will eat up the precious profits.) And he also, finally, agreed he'd slept with someone before who he'd said earlier he had not. Oh, and not to mention someone sueing him because he'd harrassed them sexually......

Not to mention rumors and rumors of rumors he'd been doing the "love act" with just about anything else that moved.

Would you be a happy parent? The shocked answeris always "NO"!!!!

And if that was YOUR spouse with all that swirling around your lives?

"Well, good lord! I'd kick the bum out. Then I would try to pick up the fragmented pieces of my heart, and, somehow, learn to live again."

Personalized, it's shocking. The sort of thing which, if it were the neighbor down the street (and I think my neighbor's business, short of murder and child abuse is not mine to interfere in, although I reserve the right to have an opinion on him.....BUT the guy I elected to represent me ...?) I would not be inviting him to my house anytime soon. Or for that matter, letting him near my female relatives.

I would feel for his wife. There seem to be two standard reactions to this sort of thing. Either divorce with deeply bitter feelings, or actually be enough of a doormat to smile pretty and put up with the creep.

Here are the three points everyone seems to miss, time and again.

1. No one in their personal lives would find this even vaugely amusing or harmless, but they think it's somehow "different" for the prez and family.

2. No one is going to bring Clinton to trial for having sex. It's not a crime.

They are going to bring him to trial for asking people to perjer themselves in front of a court to keep him safe. Along with all the other lawsuits and trials waiting for him in the bushes, the guy is going to spent a lot of time defending himself in the years to come.

The only reason we don't have the goodies and lowdown about Whitewater, etc. is that sex is such a better seller of papers and commercial time. By the way, that goes, sell a plot of land, but put an illegal loophole in the contract stating you have to make every payment, or the land is confiscated and the money you have put into it is not returned. Some deal, huh?. Or that whole "take lots of money from people who are not American citizens and want to be favored over our country in some sweetheart deals". There are many other unwholesome deals, but I won't go on.

3. The last line of defense everyone uses when I've presented these other two points of view to them (and I have yet to find someone who can actually rebut me on either of them) is "HEY, Kennedy did it, heck! Nixon lied, and Jeez! Reagan uhhhhmmmmm, he screwed us, remember all those Comic Relief and We Are The World things going on in the 80's?

Well, the only depressing conclusion I can draw from that is, the American public really thinks it's too tall an order to find some guy who actually keeps his slick willy in his pants, and even if he's not Mr. Perfect, stays away from reaming people for profit.

Presidents come and go. We may actually get, and by accident it would have to be, a halfway decent guy up there the next time around. I'm silly that way. I actually think some men care about their wives enough not to cheat. And actually have morals and ethics.

But the public's sheeplike way of following the leader (perhaps to excuse their own shortcomings?) and the way they will excuse him of behavior they would never tolerate in their own personal lives, makes me wonder if they don't actually deserve what is in the office now.

Depressing....I may take the John Grisham way out and go live on a secluded Carribean island rather than trifle with fools.

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Devil Shat is published by Disobey & is protected under all copyright laws.
Devil Shat Twenty was released on 02/12/98. Last updated: 06/23/98.