__ __ \ \ /_/i e w e r issue 15 vol. 2 Feb. 15/00 \ \/| |i s c r e t i o n ISSN 1481-2266 \__| |/ v_d@iname.com | _ |/ archived at disobey.com |___|/ http://www.disobey.com/text/ __ ___________________ _ ___________________ _ _________________ __ __ _________________ _ ___________________ _ ___________________ __ __ _______________ _ ___________________ _ _____________________ __ In this issue: WELCOME QUOTABLE INSTAGON NEWS PLEASE HELP - BY BUNNIE WABBITT GOATBOY'S ENGLISH 101 - BY GOATBOY AFeXTTeXT BY AFeXT LIFE IS ODD - BY MORBUS WHURL-N-HURL ETC :: WELCOME :: Welcome to the "complicated idiocies dummied up" issue. Don't know what I'm talking about? Go read Chico's Groove xisytrof. And for those of you out there who don't know what Chico's Groove is - too bad. Lawyers get taller when the take viagra - I'm still chuckling over that one... We have a new contest this issue and another round of WHURL-N-HURL. Uh huh. Morbus has opened up his and AFeXT's tempestuous fling to broader horizons (what the fuck does that mean?). Anyways read AFeXTTeXT and LIFE IS ODD by Morbus (immediately following AFeXTTeXT) to get all the juicy, titillating details... Titillation you ask? Yes, Titillation with a capital T. Because in this very issue you, dear reader, have a chance to win a virtual date with...wait for it...MORBUS!!!! Yes, that stud-bunny from New Hampshire, that serial killer with a love gun for his weapon, is aiming to achy-breakybreak a few hearts on this day after Valentine's Day... Be still my fluttering Canadianbackbaconclogged heart th-thump th-thump th-thump. Life certainly is odd. Speaking of Morbus - he had these (psuedo) kind words to say about VD in CG: Disobey is now the spiffy publisher of yet another excellent piece of zinedom: Viewer Discretion. Created by the same joker who publishes The Annihilation Fountain, Viewer Discretion involves insane love affairs between its readers, complicated idiocies dummied up with poetry, and other loosely related words that all point to an amazingly good read. You can subscribe via the box appearing on Disobey, or else by sending an email to majordomo@disobey.com with the body reading "Subscribe ViewerDiscretion". Trust me, if you even glance at anything else that Disobey publishes, be sure to get the VD you deserve. Wow, sniff sniff, I'm touched. Morbus knows, like so many big good words eh? So I'm a joker am I Morbii? Just wait till I get all Batman-like on your sorry dodgeballed virtual ass. In the words of *YOU*, dear reader... Angie C. spewed forth thusly about last issue: funny issue. even if i didn't win the whurl-n-hurl. But you did win. Even though you turned down the prize wimp. Though you have had the pleasure of seeing my star tattoo in real life...hehehehe i encourage AAFeXt and Morbus to explore their sexuality and i'd like to propose a live VD-CAM, which would allow us to witness this glorious discovery. Or it would let us see Morbus picking his nose or something. As he reads VD. Refreshing every 30 seconds. Or 4 boogers - whatever comes first . An AFeXT-Morbus-love-video-cam! Now there's something to put the fear of God into an atheist. Loved Morbus' open letter!!!!! Hmmm...the makings of a manage a texttrois... Sasha's exchange with mom was brilliant. Think they'll let me get away with that here at work?? "But I WANT a smoke break"! "You don't even smoke." "OK then, here I go - I'm gonna cry!" Sounds like a few other people in your office I know.... (sorry folks stupid inside joke for Angie and I only.) ciao for now, back to the bump and grind for me. Now there's an image to think about....alone...in the dark...with hand cream And VD's favourite long-lost-seldom-heard-from-prodigal son Goatboy had this to say about the VD/Disobey merger: Don't feel bad. As of the other day, I've sold my soul to Morbus as well, signed in blood. It's true. He is taking over the world with his plan in domination. But then again, it turns me on when he calls me "hey bitch" when I am on all my fours. Hmmm....does AFeXT know about this? Actually, I happen to know for a fact that Goatboy battled the devil himself and won. He regained his soul and is back out in the real world raising hell... Anyways, let's firebomb this tenement and see who stumbles out through the door on fire so we can pee on them to put them out... :: QUOTABLE :: "My goal is to keep my income in thousands above my age in years while keeping my waistline in inches below my age in years." -me (The follow bit took place during a long car ride) Connor:"Dad, I have to go to the bathroom." Sasha:"Just hold your penis like I do Connor." -Connor aged 6.75 and Sasha aged 3.5 :: INSTAGON NEWS :: INSTAGON Fri.2-18, w/ SUB-ARACHNOID SPACE, & SHIVA and again thee wind howls whispers in thee rainy night and calls out thee names ov deamons and their sounds fill thee air in thee distance.. I N S T A G O N will appear and be presented for capturing on Friday, February 18th, 2000 in support ov and excited to appearing once again with SUB-ARACHNOID SPACE.. the most awesome space rock ensemble in the state of California.. hailing from San Francisco and making this rare OC appearance.. also playing on this bill with us will be the OC heavy goddness of SHIVA...which features former members of OC Grind kings, MINDROT.. this will be a show not to miss.. Friday, February 18th, 2000 -- 9pm -- 21+ only - $5 at the door CLUB MESA 843 W. 19th St Costa Mesa,CA (949) 642-8448 for directions. as always at Instagon shows tape recording is permitted and encouraged. -/\- :: PLEASE HELP - BY BUNNIE WABBIT:: I don't know if this is serious or not but I always like to help out where I can...so I'm forwarding this to y'all. Please give generously. (-Ed) Dear Kind Stranger, I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. Don't cry, Mommy! Mommy is always sad, but she says it's not my fault. I asked her if it was God's fault, but she didn't answer, and only started crying harder, so I don't ask her that anymore. The reason she is so sad is that I'm so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I go to sleep. The doctors gave me an artificial body. My body is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money. Mommy doesn't work because she said employers don't hire crying people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and she hugged my burlap body. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap, and it chafes her real bad. I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this e-mail. Dr. Johansen said if you forward this e-mail then Bill Gates will team up with AOL and do a survey with NASA. Then the astronauts will collect prayers from schoolchildren all over America and take them up to space so that the angels can hear them better. Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Or maybe just use my lungs and heart, when the doctors make them. The doctors said that every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can take another prayer to the angels. Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10. If you don't forward this e-mail, that's OK. Mommy says you're a mean heartless jerk who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that if you don't stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long, slow horrible death so you can burn forever in hell. What kind of person are you that you can't take five minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame for the rest of their day, and then maybe help a poor, bodiless 9-year-old boy? Please help me. This really sucks. I try to be happy but it's hard. I wish I had a puppy. I wish I could hold a puppy. Thank You. Billy 'Smiles' Evans, The boy with just a head. And a burlap sack for a body. :: GOATBOY'S ENGLISH 101 - BY GOATBOY :: After receiving the following screaming assault in his inbox, Goatboy decided to offer English as a second language lessons to the writer. He sent VD a copy and we now present it to you, dear reader, in the hopes of fulfilling our educational mandate. Uh huh. > WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? WHY THE HELL ARE YOU IN MY INBOX? ABOUT > YOUR SHITTY COMMENT HOW ABOUT FUCK YOU...DUMB ASS.. Shall we begin, class? > WHY THE HELL ARE YOU IN MY INBOX? Well, there is this thing called the "Internet". When you have a terminal hooked up to it, you can send this stuff called "E-mail". You therefore received an e-mail, from me. However, while I am not in your inbox, my mail is. Damn, that's pretty logical. Hope I didn't use big words or anything. > ABOUT YOUR SHITTY COMMENT HOW ABOUT FUCK YOU...DUMB ASS.. My oh my, such big words. I'm scared. Glad I can't spell Hindi, or I'd be saying a few myself. How about also, next time, if you have to try to insult someone, try using proper sentence structure. For example: > [And] ABOUT YOUR SHITTY COMMENT, HOW ABOUT FUCK YOU...DUMB ASS.. See how much better it sounds? You get into the sentence properly (the "And", since it ties in with the previous conversation), and that comma there really gives that needed pause, allowing the reader to better absorb the sentence. But check this revolutionary concept: > And about your shitty comment, how about fuck you...dumb ass.. Now look at that! It looks like it was written by someone with a piece of brain! Ain't it fantastic? The letters are lowercase, and just uppercase were needed, giving it that professional, almost- english-major feel to it. And to improve it even more: > And about that shitty comment of yours? How about fuck you, > dumb ass? Check it out. Proper grammar, spelling, letter case, commas and periods. What a gem. The question mark at the end is vital, because, technically speaking, you are asking me a question, albeit rhetorical. You know what rhetorical means, don't you? Now, one last touch. What's writing without creativity? A long line of letters that everyone can read, and not everyone can parse is overdone. Can I give you an example of proper swearing or telling someone off? Here, let's make you the dumb ass and I'm being the threatening evil guy offending you: "What kind of fuckhead can't even spell swear words correctly or insult someone with a bit of style? This is what happens when siblings mate. Drag your inbred ass away from the computer and do something more in keeping with your intelligence, like molesting the dog." Class dismissed. :: AFeXTeXT BY AFeXT :: (Note: This rambling note was inspired by previous issues of VD -Ed.) Blah. I don't care what Morbus said. Well, alright, the work I did wasn't brain fucking hard, but still. I'm willing to do more if he'll admit his love for me. I can prove it too! "Granted, you did do some fucking [to] [Me], but I dare say it was not hard [enough]." Continued with:. "I only hope you can take a hint." See! He wants me back! I know how it is. I don't any more witty come back to that, I couldn't find a better play on words. *sigh* Er, I mean, he really meant that. We all know how Morbus works. In other news, behind my back, http://www.ElectricBreakfast.com claims I'm ripping him off. While getting me 5 hits, woohoo. Is it wrong to be absolutely addicted to the Beatles? I don't know, and I'm actually not a fan of all the popular shite either. I like the obscure stuff. Like "Good Morning Good Morning" and "Eleanor Rigby"(Which isn't that obscure)... My love for obscure stuff must be the reason I bothered to stay subscribed to VD, huh? Not much else to say. Got my German final in half an hour. Well, fuck. :: LIFE IS ODD - BY MORBUS :: AFeXT, AFeXT, AFeXT. Hiding behind such subtle pretext is rather immature. You don't *care* what I said. How futile! Why waste the reader's time with useless and yellow paraphrasing when we all know better? Everyone knows how Morbus works? Touche! Fine. How about a little contest? For the next issue of VD, everyone write in with their explanations of 'how Morbus works'. The winner (be it funniest, most creative, or dead on) will ... ... uh ... meet me on IRC ... and ... uh ... "chat". Yeah. That's it. Note, anyone's whose name contains Ex Fat (as in "Extra Fat" or in some aborigine countries, "AFeXT") are disqualified. PS. Your girlfriend already knows. She whispers hints into my ears. :: WHURL-N-HURL :: Well, last issue's WHURL-A-URL stupid prize was won (sort of) by none other than Angie C. who had this to say: Pepsi Bloodbath is the real URL i'll forego the prize, though....*ack* Wimp. But then again Angie has seen the "real thing" and don't need no stinkin' scanned substitute... This week's prize is a desktop image submitted by none other Morbus himself. The image purports to offer indisputable photographic proof of AFeXT's desires for Morbus. Woohoo! So anyways, here we ago-go again-gain. Six URL's, one of them is real the rest are fake. First person to send an email to v_d@iname.com identifying the *real* URL wins the "proof.jpg" from Morbus. The truth is out there... So which URL below is real??????????? http://www.morbii.com http://www.evoorgsocihc.com http://www.viewer~discretion.com http://www.stupidfuckingmoron.com http://www.moron.net http://www.ihateyou.com First correct response, based on email time stamp, wins the incredibly stupid prize!!! :: ETC :: If you have something you'd like to see in VD or an idea for a section you'd like to write or whatever, type it up and send it in a note to v_d@iname.com or don't. Music that inspired this issue: Jaco Pastorius - The Birthday Concert Instagon - Temporary Temple Rage Against The Machine - Evil Empire Nine Inch Nails - The Fragile This issue was stillborn. Next issue February 29/00 - a leap issue woohoo!!! __ _______________ _ ___________________ _ _____________________ __ __ _________________ _ ___________________ _ ___________________ __ __ ___________________ _ ___________________ _ _________________ __ Morbus made me put this here cos he's an anal billionaire... Viewer Discretion and its back issues are available at: http://www.disobey.com/text/ Viewer Discretion, VD, its content are. <-Zen style copyright, uh yeah. Copyright 1998-2000 Neil MacKay <-Legal style copyright, uh huh. Publication by Disobey. http://www.disobey.com/ TO SUBSCRIBE: majordomo@disobey.com BODY: Subscribe ViewerDiscretion TO UNSUBSCRIBE: majordomo@disobey.com BODY: Unsubscribe ViewerDiscretion ...whatever...dogs bark...but the caravan moves on. __ ___________________ _ ___________________ _ _________________ __ __ _________________ _ ___________________ _ ___________________ __ __ _______________ _ ___________________ _ _____________________ __