__ __ \ \ /_/i e w e r issue 11 vol. 1 december 22/98 \ \/| |i s c r e t i o n ISSN 1481-2266 \__| |/ v_d@iname.com | _ |/ archived at disobey.com |___|/ http://www.disobey.com/text/ __ __________________ _ __________________ _ _________________ __ __ ________________ _ __________________ _ ___________________ __ __ ______________ _ __________________ _ _____________________ __ In this issue: WELCOME NO FRILLS OF OUR LIVES - BY GOATBOY ETC :: WELCOME :: Welcome the HoHoHo issue - and the very last one of '98 at that woohoo! Yes, it's Consumerism, uh, I mean Christmas time again. I hope everyone has their credit cards maxed out buying presents for those obligations we call "loved ones"...and that you all have been good little netizens. Yeah, right... Anyways, I read about this Alanis Morissette Random Lyric Generator web page (http://www.brunching.com/toys/toy-alanislyrics.html) on the Entropy Gradient Reversals list (http://www.rageboy.com/sub-up.html) and decided to try it out. I figured you guys deserved your very own VD created, angst ridden Christmas song. So after filling in the few required plural nouns, etc., I clicked the magic button and biff-bam- boom here's my Alanis Morissette Christmas song of gloom: "I Think" I Think Santa Claus & his elves are really a huge problem I Think jingle bells are too much on my mind I Think coloured lights have got a lot to do with why the world sucks But what can you do? Like a Black rain, beating down on me Like a William S. Burroughs line, which won't let go of my brain Like Pamela Anderson's ass, it is in my head Blame it on Christmas Blame it on Christmas Blame it on Christmas I Think useless presents are gonna drive us all crazy And happy people make me feel like a child I Think Christmas trees will eventually be the downfall of civilization But what can you do? I said what can you do? Like a Black rain, beating down on me Like a William S. Burroughs line, which won't let go of my brain Like Pamela Anderson's ass, it is in my head Blame it on Christmas Blame it on Christmas Blame it on Christmas Like a Black rain, beating down on me Like Pamela Anderson's smile, cruel and cold Like William S. Burroughs' ass, it is in my head Blame it on Christmas Blame it on Christmas Blame it on Christmas Well, there you have it. What does it mean? I have no idea but it seemed like the right thing to do at the time... So this is a really short Christmas issue 'cause I doubt anyone has the time or desire to be hanging around their computer reading ezines over the holiday, at least I don't. Goatboy has given us a sure to repeated Christmas classic column all about Christmas in the grocery store... Thanks to everyone who reads and contributes to VD. I like to wish you all a Happy Holidays/Merry Christmas/Joyeux Noel and all those other politically correct expressions I should know but don't. And have a happy, healthy, prosperous New Years everyone. I'd give you all a group hug but I have this germ phobia thing... See you in '99. :: NO FRILLS OF OUR LIVES - BY GOATBOY :: I'll keep this short, because if I think any longer of the silly drivel I had to endure, I am going to go psycho. There are three things which go to show you that it's Christmas. The arrival of egg nog. First from small orders, to extremely gigantic ones. There is not a day that goes by that we do not get some useless person to society that, no matter how big and yellow, no matter how it says in big Arial bold letters EGG NOG, no matter it says it's 87 cents in the same style, and a big fucking gigantic arrow points at it, will ask me where the egg nog and how much the fuck it is. Christmas carols start exactly on December 1st. They are gradually added to the random boring songs that play during the day. That's right, suddenly "My heart will go on" and "I don't wanna be alone" by the BeeGees are not among the top 10 most popular songs which show you have been working too long when you hear them twice in on the same day. Every possible variation of the same Christmas carol will suddenly be shared among the store's PA. Some of this stuff is so old, my grandfather was probably still shitting his diapers when he first heard it. The worse part is that as December draws closer, the songs increase. For every one normal song, there is a Country Music Christmas Carol waiting to happen. Or a Broadway variation of "Jingle Bells". Or, to cause me extreme pain, a remake, without words, of "Santa Claws is coming" done on a digital keyboard, sounding just like those guys that sleep and play their tunes in the Subway. The only jingle you'll hear is the one of my balls as I try to contain myself from committing homicide. Lastly, Christmas decor. I hate Christmas decor. I don't want to see little balls hanging at the corner of the aisle, or mistletoe drawn on the fliers. Please spare me this stuff, it hurts me. I'm not a worshipper of Satan, but this is a fucking grocery store, for Chrissake! NINETY PERCENT of the people that shop here are fresh off the boat from some remote country-stain, and have no idea nor give a rat's ass about Jesus, Santa Claus and all his balls. Merry Fucking Christmas. :: ETC :: You can catch VD in many various way but you can only get this dose delivered to your mailbox by sending an empty email to: v_d-subscribe@makelist.com Conversely, if you've had your dose and don't want no more, send an empty email to v_d-unsubscribe@makelist.com Pretty simple huh? If you have something you'd like to see in VD or an idea for a section you'd like to write or whatever, type it up and send it in a note to v_d@iname.com or get your own damn zine. Viewer Discretion, VD, its content are. <-Zen style copyright, uh yeah. Viewer Discretion is archived exclusively at Low Bandwidth - http://www.disobey.com/low/listings/viewer_discretion.htm because Morbus is like CyberSanta or CyberClaus take your pick. Goatboy appears courtesy of capnasty.org And remember Santa Claus is a state of mind... Fa-lalala-laa la la la laa Next issue January 6/99 __ _______________ _ ___________________ _ _____________________ __ __ _________________ _ ___________________ _ ___________________ __ __ ___________________ _ ___________________ _ _________________ __ Morbus made me put this here cos he's a "visionary"... Viewer Discretion and its back issues are available at: http://www.disobey.com/text/ Viewer Discretion, VD, its content are. <-Zen style copyright, uh yeah. Copyright 1998-2000 Neil MacKay <-Legal style copyright, uh huh. Publication by Disobey. http://www.disobey.com/ TO SUBSCRIBE: majordomo@disobey.com BODY: Subscribe ViewerDiscretion TO UNSUBSCRIBE: majordomo@disobey.com BODY: Unsubscribe ViewerDiscretion ...whatever...dogs bark...but the caravan moves on. __ ___________________ _ ___________________ _ _________________ __ __ _________________ _ ___________________ _ ___________________ __ __ _______________ _ ___________________ _ _____________________ __