<=============================> < > < ANTI-PRESS EZINE #56 > < > <=============================> "We're Positive About The Negative" This E-dition filed 11/10/05 from NENYland (pronounced nee-nee-land), the northeastern corner of New York State (i.e. the hinterlands). Our Precision Reality Center, located in Plattsburgh -- The Fake City -- features Bull Tracker 9000. More details at the end of this E-dition. (C) Copyright 2005 Anti-Press NOTE: If you want your positive negativity fresh, check out www.anti-press.blogspot.com . Bookmark it or get a RSS feed via such services as www.bloglines.com . Subscriptions by email: see the info at the end of this file. * Plattsburgh Stinks! * "Jack Frost nipping at your noseâ" So goes that nauseating Xmas song. A few days ago in downtown Plattsburgh, Jack Shit was ripping at your nose. The scent of scat in your sinuses. Most likely the water treatment facility -- AKA the sewage plant -- was stinking up the place. The fecal miasma permeated everything. We don't think the culprit was the compost plant at the other end of town. As far as we know, they had to shut down that white elephant after two -- count 'em, two-- fires. It seems the city doesn't get the message until disaster hits twice. According to the history books, there used to be a dynamite factory right inside the city limits. It was asked to relocate after the second time it blew up. One must ask: Does the city know jackshit? But the city prides itself on the great progress it's making. After all, it's going to have a new hotel built right on the water, a place where everyone can enjoy that fresh lake air. Guess where the new hotel will sit. Right near the sewage plant, of course. * News With A Plastic Smile * They grin with bright white teeth, wear nice clothes, claim they care about you. They want to be friends with you –- even though it isn't their job. Their job is supposed to be report the news in a fair and accurate manner. The typical TeeVee newscaster probably doesn't give a rat's ass about you as a person, but as a number, another digit in the ratings game. Plattsburgh's TeeVee station is affiliated with the NBC network. The local anchors appear with NBC's latest meat puppet star, Brian Williams, in a promo aired ad nauseam. This promo seems to appear every ten minutes, 24/7. The two locals sit in a studio with Williams, gushing on about how their regional newscast shares the same goals of NBC news: helping others, providing a valuable service to the community. Of course, that valuable service is sandwiched between ads by car dealers so desperate to make a sale that they'll run annoying "humorous" spots devoid of an iota of humor or even get their naive kids on the screen to shill for them. Sticking to the script, the local anchors -- He & She, the standard duo -- tell Williams how they care about the community because they live in the community. Left unspoken is the fact that if a better job offer comes along, He or She would leave this Godforsaken tundra outpost in a second. Alternating with the promo featuring He & She and NBC's Number One teleprompter reader is an aggravating spot featuring Brian Williams standing on a beach, probably after the Asian tsunami, going on about no shelter, no food, no water, how the poor victims are suffering. Of course, after that show of humanity, Williams flew back home first class and had a nice meal at a tony five-star Manhattan restaurant while those victims were still stuck on the beach, no shelter, no food, no Perrier sparkling water. When Brain Williams comes on, the channel changes or the TeeVee is snapped off. So much for pseudo-friend overpromotion. And as for the local anchors, they carry on night after night with their extended family, the grinning, somewhat goofy sportscaster and the grinning, somewhat goofy weatherman. All part of what killed local TeeVee reporting: the "Happy News" format. But don't believe what you see on the screen. A cathode ray tube illusion ain't reality. Remember that when you meet one of these newsreaders out in public and say hello, politely holding a door open while commenting on how you enjoy her work. Don't be surprised if that plastic TeeVee personality barely acknowledges your existence, you couch potato peon. * Pandering To The Ratings * It must be sweeps week. The local TeeVee news is pushing special stories to make you worried, so worried that you'll have to tune in. Sweeps, in case you didn't know, is a period during the year when the rating services decide to pay extra attention to who is watching what when. (Sounds like they're making an effort to be at least halfway accurate.) The pressure is on for network and local programs to score good numbers against the competition so that they can charge top dollar to advertisers. On the local level, the local newscast usually works the fear angle: "Lead Paint In Your Schoolyard!" "How Pedophiles Lure Your Kids!" "They (the frightfully unspecified "they") Might Live Next Door To You!" Occasionally the sex angle is used: "High School Girls Are Dressing Like Young Hookers!" (That "hook," like the other preceding ones, was actually used by the local TeeVee news.) Of course, besides the titillation, a story about girls in scanty clothing provokes fear because parents will be worried about how their daughter is attiring herself while trying to keep her away from lead paint, pedophiles, and "They." * Dept. of LOCution: Email From Readers * Here's an email in response to the article we ran in APE #53 regarding the Reverend Fred Phelps and a visit to Plattsburgh by his homophobic circus of true believers. - - - - Eric writes: Somehow I found myself reading your e-zine and am utterly amazed at your style and uniqueness! The words you've penned speak volumes about our society at large, yet encompass a small town in upstate NY. I am greatful to have found your writings as they are expressive and stunnigly truthful. I have openly opposed all forms of hate throughout my life and can not comprehend how man's inhumanity to man continues to go on unchecked. Also, I find that our meaningless civil liberties we lack in light of our immenent doom from terrorism almost comical in its absurdity and that facade called government, created to ensure our well being, utilizing our tax dollars for the benefit of the people seriously lacking humor at all. How did we (all of us) allow this to happen? Are we (all of us) that self centered and hostile to the world at large we can not see the damage we are doing to our childrens' future. >From what I have learned, Jesus taught nothing but love and peace. The bible, (not knocking it or praising it) all versons I have encountered, and I may have mis-interpreted the cryptic english language, plainly states that angels were allowed to come to earth and sodomize humans.... What does that say for Rev. Pansy... Thank you for the inspiring read. Stan Spire responds: Angelic buggery? That mean old nun didn't teach us that in catechism class. ============================================================= NOTICE: Unless indicated otherwise, all articles by Anti-Press. Articles submitted by others do not necessarily express or reflect the opinions or beliefs of Anti-Press. WHERE WE'RE AT: Anti-Press Ezine radiates from our Precision Reality Center. We're presently entrapped in the alleged city of Plattsburgh, northeastern New York State (NENYland), USA. (For your own good: STAY THE FUG AWAY!) EMAIL: Antipress1@yahoo.com NEW POLICY: WE DO NOT ACCEPT ANY UNSOLICITED ARTICLES. 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