<=============================> < > < ANTI-PRESS EZINE #32 > < > <=============================> "We're Positive About The Negative" A May E-dition (C) Copyright 2002 Anti-Press All Rights Reserved ============================================================= * Meet the New Bogeyman * Communism. The ultimate menace. Just invoking that name would strike fear in the average American. The 1950s. McCarthyism. The black list. The enemy lurked among us, trying to weaken and destroy our moral fiber with race music and fluoridated water. That guy next to you -- he looks normal but he could be one of Them. But your government will protect you from Communism. Just believe what it says without question. A propaganda film sponsored by the government, using cartoon animation to show Communism spreading over the globe like a red virus. Anyone who fell under that Redness was instantly transformed into a thought-controlled slave, following orders without question. Communism is monolithic, transforming all under its spell into an uber-mind against democracy. The 1980s. Our mentally-challenged leader, President Ronald Reagan, brings back the good old days of the 1950s -- by telling his children, the American public, that the monster is still out there, it's going to get you. But the truth was that Communism wasn't monolithic; sometimes the Red Chinese and the Russians would get pissed off at each other. Our morally-challenged leader, President Richard Nixon, had gone to China, playing that country off Russia. The so-called "Evil Empire" -- Reagan's pet name for the Soviet Union -- wasn't invincible. The Russian people caused the totalitarian system to fall apart by allowing decay to set in, the same kind of inner rot that supposedly threatened the United States. The Russian folk drank, indulging in alcoholism. They fugged off at work, resulting in low production, ruining the financial plans of their masters. They, not Ronald Reagan, brought down the Soviet Union, through passive resistance. Time passes and America is at the top of the heap. A superpower without equal. But also a country without a bogeyman to make its citizens fall in line with its bullshit. Until 9/11. The 1950s are back again. Instead of a Red virus spreading over the world, a young girl speaks into the camera. Faithfully reading the script, she explains how she went to the mall today, bought a new dress, saw a movie, and then helped some terrorists blow up some innocent people in another country. The Message is flashed on the boob tube: STOP TERRORISM. DON'T BUY DRUGS. Originally the TeeVee spot was supposed to show news footage of the planes crashing into the World Trade towers. But the government decided that was stretching the truth too much, tying in those specific horrendous acts with some pimply-faced kid buying a joint. They decided to run ads that were murky, not too detailed, to escape criticism. Hey, we're against terrorism, the killing of innocent people by a political entity to advance its self-centered cause. But as an American citizen you can do much more to stop the spread of terrorism around the world than not buy drugs. It's simple. Don't pay your taxes. * Shuffling and Shilling for Evil * "Welcome to Verizon - cha-cha-cha." James Earl Jones dances on our TeeVee screen for a phone company commercial. If you don't recognize his face, you will his voice. He has been an announcer for the Cable News Network ("This is CNN.") In the Disney animated movie the "Lion King" he vocalized the role of King Mufasa. Also, when we dial the operator for our phone service, James Earl Jones' deep, distinctive voice greets us. OK, that gig doesn't bother us. But his TeeVee ads are offensive. There he is, hamming it up, dancing and telling us what a great bunch of people are behind Verizon. Sure. A great bunch of bastards. We ain't a Rockefeller. We have a limited income and try to make ends meet. Over the years we've had go-arounds with the phone company and its various incarnations: NYNEX, Bell Atlantic, and now Verizon. We would get behind on our bill, then receive a threatening note to pay up or else. "THIS IS YOUR FINAL NOTICE." Really. It's the only notice you send. You don't send us a warning notice like "Please try to pay your bill; the balance is too high." No, you just jump out of the dark and try to work us over in the thuggee tradition. So we call your office and make a payment arrangement, so much per month, until we reach a reasonable balance and you get off our backs. It's not like we personally owe the freakin' national debt, Verizon. You'll get eventually paid but little items like rent and food have priority. Of course, those ads with James Earl Jones don't come cheap. He probably takes top dollar to sell out. We know the charge on our phone bill pays for more than the maintenance of Verizon's communication service. Most of it is probably squandered on superfluous public relations agencies, fancy offices, high-priced lawyers, and overpriced TeeVee commercials. It's interesting that Verizon needs our money to tell others that they're great humanitarians, friends of mankind. Why doesn't Verizon spend more on better service? You know, hiring people who know how to treat customers fairly. Anyway, during the most recent dust-up, we've been paying the agreed-upon amount per month and still Verizon sent our name to a collection agency, even though the payment arrangement was supposed to prevent this. Thanks to our answering machine we can screen our calls. Lately we've been getting a lot of hang-ups and we don't think they're all from telemarketers. Already Verizon has yanked our long distance service. Of course, we hardly ever use long distance, thanks to email. We went out and got a calling card for those rare occasions when need long distance service. And there are all sorts of 800 numbers we can still access. The main reason we need a phone is to connect to the Net and even then the city library offers public access computers. Finally, there's the option of signing up with a local phone company that shouldn't treat us like poor subhuman scum. Verizon: Go Fuck Thyself. It's ironical is that James Earl Jones, a black man, is shilling for a company that treats us and many others as second-class citizens. It is a color issue, not one of pigmentation, but socioeconomic status: being judged on the amount of green in your bank account. Verizon is aware of our limited financial means. We wonder if we were Enron if we would be treated this way. While Verizon is hassling us for less than $60, the company is probably turning a blind eye to thousands -- maybe millions -- of dollars in phone bills owed by major corporations. We would like to review Verizon's billing records to see how they deal with low-income customers and Big Business clients. We'll bet the corporations -- which are legal "entities" -- get better treatment over us real folk. Dance, James Earl Jones, dance. Act like a big buddy to the TeeVee audience, telling us how great Verizon is. Don't forget whom you're serving, those rich shareholders hiding in the shadows, most of them whiteys with blue-blood coursing in their hearts, cold blue blood. When we pick up the phone and hear your voice, we think about your most famous voice-role, the "Star Wars" villain Darth Vader. Vader, representing evil, black on the outside, white on the inside, every atom corrupted by the Dark Side. Black and white. Yin and Yang. James Earl Jones, the dancing yin-yang. * Hey, Doorknob: Get A Doorknob! * We're sitting outside the Cubbyhole Café, talking with a friend, when three well-dressed young men walk up and try to sell us a business proposition called Mormonism. Religion is like business: you've got a product and you're competing for your market share. So you send out your sales people to draw in more customers. We politely told the Mormons that we weren't interested and so they left. We did wonder why there were three of them since they usually travel in pairs, not as a trio. Then we realized that the third one was probably a district manager and the other two were his trainees. Well, that DM better come up with a better approach to work a new territory. For example, we were glancing at a book about the wonders of Multi-Level Marketing, how one can make a million "friends" by getting them involved in a pyramid scheme. This book stated that there was nothing wrong with a pyramid structure for an organization; after all, the federal government uses such a structure, a few people on top serving many below them. Yeah. We all know how HONEST our government can be, especially with the suckers on the bottom of the pyramid. Anyway, the book mentioned how one MLM genius would set up total strangers for her pitch. She went to a hardware store and purchased a doorknob, brass, wood, usually a fancy crystal one. She would take it with her wherever she went, laying it in plain view in a restaurant or on a plane. Of course, an unsuspecting fish would ask her about it. With a smile she would reply that the doorknob was to remind her to tell others that the door of opportunity could open for anyone, especially with her business. So we hope the next proselytizer who walks up to us puts a doorknob on the table. You know, something different than the old "Have you thought about God?" line. Then, we can pull out our 357 Magnum and lay it right next to his doorknob. ============================================================= NOTICE: Unless indicated otherwise, all articles by Anti-Press. Articles submitted by others do not necessarily express or reflect the opinions or beliefs of Anti-Press. WHERE WE'RE AT: Anti-Press Ezine radiates from our Precision Reality Center. We're presently entrapped in the alleged city of Plattsburgh, northeastern New York State (NENYland), USA. (Mormonism? That has Jesus appearing to the American Indians after he died on the cross, right? So, did he warn them about the British soldiers and those blankets? "Hey, pass on the blankets; they're loaded with smallpox. It's a bio-warfare gag!") EMAIL: Antipress1@aol.com . No payment for contributions. (We don't get paid, so why should you?) **Maximum Length: 300 words.** Plain text format. To avoid being deleted as junk mail: Put SUBMISSION in the subject heading with the title of your contribution. 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